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the UK Hates Self Defense?


YACCster

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QUESTION:  You're on duty by yourself (don't How do you tell the difference  between an English Police Officer, a Canadian Police  Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish police Officer? Don't ask why, you just are, and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night. Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you. You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it.  However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.  What do you do?

ANSWER:

English  Police  Officer:

Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.

1) Does the man look poor or oppressed?

2) Has he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?

3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?

4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

5) Am I dressed provocatively?

6) Could I run away?

7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand?

8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings?

9)  Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society?

10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me?

11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me?

12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself?  

13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my  job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?

Canadian Police  Officer:

BANG !

American Police  Officer:

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !  BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG  !

'Click'...Reload...

BANG ! BANG ! BANG !  BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG  !

Glasgow Police  Officer:

"Haw, Jimmie. Drop the knife, noo, unless you want it stuck up yer arse!"

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Don't give a flying f*ck. Anyone coming through my door will be face to face with something they wish they didn't

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3 hours ago, TheCheeseyCrusader said:

Don't give a flying f*ck. Anyone coming through my door will be face to face with something they wish they didn't

Your wife ?? :lol:

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3 hours ago, RobMc said:

Your wife ?? :lol:

Well not married but shes scottish afterall

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I had a robbery on me and my home in 2009. It was horrendous, I was out numbered, drunk and even a gun would not have helped me. I think if guns were more accessable in the UK I might not even be here.

I think if someone broke in again I would throw something out of a window to gain attention.

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18 hours ago, TheCheeseyCrusader said:

Don't give a flying f*ck. Anyone coming through my door will be face to face with something they wish they didn't

Gonna moon them?????

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1 hour ago, TBB said:

Gonna moon them?????

Can do a private show for you and give it a 1-10 rating

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