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Winter is coming Ayaq


RobMc

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@AyaqGuyaq my brave boy how are you? rested and fattened up ready for the ravages of winter? I lie in bed watching Yukon Men and worry that as you get older the dangers of your perilous existence will catch up with you. Trust the fishing season in the upper 49th went well and all fingers are still there?? don't worry if you lost a couple, real men use them as bait. Stock up now with ammunition and supplies, I felt in my water this morning (bedpan) that this is the year we find that mother lode I have already ordered our new yacht and helicopter, please forward your bank details again, the Nigerian prince has misplaced them? Do you still need gold taps? 

I am a bit puzzled about Alaska, a quick google gives me over forty programmes about the state in the last ten years, there are more f....g cameramen than bears? I know more about Alaska than Scotland, but perhaps thats a blessing eh? You mustn't be able to move for camera crews up there? yet us idiots have never gazed into those steely blue eyes, or seen your chiselled jaw, you need a better agent, please say you're not one of those bush people.

I'm a bit chilly myself the central heating isn't on yet, I too suffer hardships, I still recall the day the local supermarket ran out of milk it was a nightmare munching dry cornflakes. However enough of me, tell me what you are up to at the moment, are you with your cousin or some floosy??

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Laughing my frickin' ass off, Run D.M.C., aka @RobMc!!

Let me mentally-construct the appropriate response . . . you should be able to hear the "clanging" sound all the way over there.

"Over there . . ., over there . . . you better stand up and beware . . . yes, the Yanks are coming, the Yanks are coming . . ."

Wait, we damn Yanks have already been there--twice!!

Lol.

If you leave your corn-flake box open for a few days, bud, they won't be so dry and crunchy.

Lol, love you, you crazy bastige, in a--well, you know.

Ayaq

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1 hour ago, AyaqGuyaq said:

Wait, we damn Yanks have already been there--twice

Thats part of the problem, every time we ask you to a party theres a fight, plus you impregnate our women and carry them off, you're worse than the bloody Vikings? Next time leave your guns at the door and your willys in your jeeps (younger idiots won't get that one).

I've had a particularly gruelling day here, it's wet windy and I thought there'd been an earthquake until I realised I'd fallen from the chair after a light pre lunch 'snifter', it's no fun living on the borders, we need to be on constant alert for the Scots pinching our cattle and women. Don't worry brave boy, my trusty bow lies ready (just needs a string) and I'm brushing up my language skills in case they appear - Och Aye!

My mobility scooter is on permanent charge and I can drop my knitting in an instant to pursue the Reivers, it will do 8 mph i.e. 8 times faster than a drunken Scotsman crawling home - it's a massacre. At the first sound of 'Hey Jimmy F... you' - I'll mobilise the troops in my warden, if I can sober them up, usually the biggest battle. If only you were here to guide us brave boy, you didn't answer if you were prepared for winter? but in readiness I'm knitting you a Fair Isle pullover, what size is your neck?

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You're gonna have to make the neck size "Xtra-Large" so my big head'll fit through the opening.

Lol.

Your scooter can go "about 8x faster than a drunken Scot can crawl;" that's a good one!

"Drunken Scot" is kinda redundant, isn't it?  In the same way that "Sober Scot" is an oxymoron?  A myth?

Lol--hope I didn't offend any sober OR (more-than-likely) drunken Scots here.

Wait--I loved the movie "Braveheart," what am I saying?

Incidentally, buddy, we Yanks didn't "carry off" your women--they begged us to take 'em along for the ride back home!

Still lol-ing.

Ayaq

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@ANGU5 my new best friend keeps sheep and probably has enough to ship over for the neck, he'll get one of his women to pack it if we ask nicely?

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2 hours ago, RobMc said:

@ANGU5 my new best friend keeps sheep and probably has enough to ship over for the neck, he'll get one of his women to pack it if we ask nicely?

Wait a minute, where are these Sheep I keep hearing about, hmmm

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1 hour ago, piglo said:

Wait a minute, where are these Sheep I keep hearing about, hmmm

What? he's never shown you his 'flock'???

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4 hours ago, piglo said:

Wait a minute, where are these Sheep I keep hearing about, hmmm

"Pig-Low . . . sweet chariot . . ., coming forth to carry mead home . . ."

2 hours ago, RobMc said:

What? he's never shown you his 'flock'???

Hey buddy, Pig-Low's flock doesn't say "baaaaahhhhh" like the normal and proverbial sheep does.  When his private flock sees him coming, they all cry out "Naaahhhh!!  Naaahhh!!"

Hmm?

Ayaq

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6 hours ago, AyaqGuyaq said:

"Pig-Low . . . sweet chariot . . ., coming forth to carry mead home . . ."

I'll bet this is Ruggers hymn (only English six nations fans will get this), do you sing this in the bath?, do they have baths at -40? in Alaska or do you just rub down in bear grease?? I'm due a bath next month too. Yet more hardship today, having to cut down now I'm a pensioner the morning Bucks Fizz is no longer Dom Perignon but Lidl's own make, you have no idea how I suffer dear boy.

Anyway back to my new best friend Angu5, as you know I occasionally glance at this forum, and couldn't help noticing some remarks after the fest about his current 'flock', he seems to have a penchant for animals, he started with a lady alligator, then seems to have added a Penguin from what I gather from AthenA, and I suspect he may have added a Kitty as she disappeared in a hurry, is the boy a collector or what? If I were Blackcat and the other gals I'd lock my door, just saying.

It's a shame you are separated by Canada as he shoots too, and I'll bet he'd love to massacre the states wildlife with you as his buddy, perhaps you could start from the North and he from the South and work towards each other?

I'm off hunting tomorrow, my wife said Tesco's have an offer on offal, hope she's not talking a load of tripe!

Back in the morning

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Had to abandon the shopping trip, there was a raid last night, under cover of darkness 50 drunken Scots in frocks came storming towards our Bastle, luckily the geese we keep alerted us and lighting a candle (our lass keeps a supply of big fat ones for some reason?) we prepared for the worst. We were completely surrounded by the heathens, whipped into a frenzy by the thought of a steak and pleasuring English women. I don't think the wife completely grasped the seriousness of it by saying 'she was going to get ready??, bless her. Stringing my trusty bow I prepared for the fight, our cattle on the lower floor screaming in fear, and the mrs was putting on lipstick? How I wished you were there my brave boy, they would have run, thats for certain.

However I need not have feared, their leader a huge man, with a claymore stepped forward ( I think he was called Dadda??) and demanded we give him the women and cattle, if I wanted my life spared. I was just releasing the cows when my brave spouse leapt from the upper floor and ran towards the heathen with outstretched arms. The sight of this panicked the Scots so much that they fled in terror, leaving sacks of porridge, neeps and tatties, we needn't shop for a year.

The wife bless her was so overcome with emotion that she chased them for miles, and with fighting spirit she kept screaming 'come back', I married a keeper.

So back to normal this morning, our excitement mounted when the pigeon post delivered a message saying we should have the internet within 5 years, look out my gaming is just beginning.

So thats why my normal morning message is so late, bet you were all concerned dear Ayaq

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