TBB Posted November 26, 2018 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 263 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 18108 Content Per Day: 3.47 Reputation: 20120 Achievement Points: 132704 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 263 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 11 hours ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: Windows Share Posted November 26, 2018 How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway... Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you. hxtr, JohnnyDos and RobMc 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
hxtr Posted November 26, 2018 Member ID: 220 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 147 Topic Count: 595 Topics Per Day: 0.11 Content Count: 16950 Content Per Day: 3.17 Reputation: 13538 Achievement Points: 129713 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 120 Joined: 09/04/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: October 26, 2023 Birthday: 04/05/1970 Device: Windows Share Posted November 26, 2018 (edited) 1 hour ago, TBB said: How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Mayor but anyone political above a the PTA board. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? This ain't Star Trek, you don't even get to take your old ass body. Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Have you tried to make a round box before? What disease did cured ham actually have? That's the point. It is cured of getting any disease, so have a piece... it's safe. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Have you ever tried dragging luggage with wheels down a dirt or rock road? That's why. Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours? I sleep in the fetal position, I sleep like a baby every night no matter what. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Because TV is what is on like a light in your house, and a Movie you have to go to for someone to turn on when you are IN the theater. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Humans don't have eyes like a bird so they need a little help to see better. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? So they don't have to smell your smelly ass as much. They're going to see you naked anyway... Yea but for a shorter time. Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? Blame the Brits. Their stupid language. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Try cleaning yours. I have to push mine down twice to get it half that good. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Look at our boarder... plenty of corn crackers ready to replace Jimmy. He is one of a kind. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! The cartoonist was high. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? Babies of course. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Only the beginning. Why did you just try singing the two songs above? To come up with a comment. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, Not if you have peanut butter on your face. but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? They are sniffing for some peanut butter. Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? Same reason I wipe my ass more that once. To make sure I got the job done right. Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money? Oh... they know you will find some more money... then they will take it. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? How long ago was the sign written... that is what we are checking for. No different when people walk through a mopped area with a sign. It dried 20 minutes ago yet the sign is still there. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why don't they just use a bullet? Much cheaper. Get my point? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? He has lots of American Indian blood. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? To show off. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? To keep their heads from freezing. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Because the Aliens kept us both. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? It's a bath, not a printing press. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Yes, Christmas day, floods, fires.. and a few other days. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Just make sure I turned the light off. Why do people keep running over a thread a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? No one likes a quitter. Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? Of only the bag was open on all for side. How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? Question is why did they climb back out? Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? I pushed you? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? I do not want it 80 or above in my house you damn Yankee. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? That's who made the jokes. The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you. And you and you over there. Answers above. Edited November 26, 2018 by hxtr TBB, baldie, RobMc and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts