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Snowflake Course


RobMc

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What a week in the forums eh? but for me also heartache when I discovered one of my heroes Scotex not only thought I was a snowflake but was #1 snowflake, I cried all of Thursday, 2 boxes of soft tissues consumed, will have to find someting else for my arse.  Anyway I'm wandering already, I have the mother of all hangovers, which is making focussing on the screen difficult, unless it's the mist on my glasses ?

How do I get his respect again?, it's obvious he no longer considers me a man (bit like the wife, but that's another story), I needed someway of getting him back on my side, otherwise Angelz will trample all over me again (wear the stilletos next time dear).

My childhood heroes were those rough, tough cowboys, especially Texans with their drawl, John Wayne etc. and this guy fits the bill in every way, they rode in, killed everything in sight, drank a bottle of whisky and dragged the women upstairs, Texas, a state that my entire country would roll around in.

You have all heard that everythings bigger in Texas?, this must be true as every picture of his wife shows her with a huge grin, those northern girls must be green with envy. Look at the picture on his profile, armed to the teeth, eyes screwed up in the sun, glancing with scorn at the camera, he'd probably just killed a tribe of native americans, Indians as I knew them as a boy ( can I still say this?, I have my reservations). How could I once more shrug off the snowflake tag?, then over a cup of tea and a fig roll it came to me, I must learn his ways, only then could I be considered equal. In a flash of genius it came to me, I must mimic my hero, become him, so what do we have in common? :-

He is tall and lean, with a good head of hair, clean shaven with gleaming teeth, I am short, fat, bald, bearded and teeth ??????

He lives on a huge ranch, in a huge house, I live in a two up two down terraced with a back yard

He has an arsenal Nato borrows from, and can shoot the tongue off a rattlesnake at 100 yards, I have a catapult and trouble seeing my back wall

He drinks bourbon like a fish, I drink rum

He has a harem of women and XI groupies hanging on his every word, I have a goldfish

He travels and goes on holiday a lot, I once travelled for 50 miles, but have cut down since I retired

He likes tits and sheep,  I like tits and sleep

 

So, straight away we have loads in common right?, should be easy, what I propose to do is divide my tasks into modules, bit like doing a course :-

MODULE 1 - Bourbon

Chose this first as last night was Friday a good day for drinking, now I'd never heard of Bourbon, but good old google put me right, it's a type of American whisky right??, if you ever want to try the real thing I live next to where they make it and could put a word in for you, my newest Buddy, (Ayaq comes first though). Now where to get the stuff?, none of the neighbours had heard of it, but a quick visit to Morrisons (a type of Walmart) was in order, I put the mobility scooter on emergency charge, and carried extra batteries for in flight refuelling, don't want to get stuck on those moors. It was an eventful trip but I made it safely, however trouble brewed (sic) at Morrisons, my requests for bourbon were met with glances I did not understand until two very effeminate men said they'd 'give me one' in the public toilets outside, I declined, sounded unhygienic to me? Luckily another nice boy in a flowery shirt, who said he loved bourbon, guided me to Boozebusters, holding my hand the entire time, are all bourbon drinkers so considerate?

He took a bit of getting rid of, and I had to switch the scooter to 8 mph to lose him, but he wasn't too quick running with one hand on his hip (strange running style). Now I picture Scotex as more J. R. Ewing than Jed Clampett, so I bought one named this from Kentucky, I like most of our Kentucky members, they can't shoot for shit, this stuff explains why. I didn't have to put in too much lemonade to get it to taste nice, after half the bottle I threw the lemonade away, after the full bottle I realised why he loves sheep, I'd never looked at them in this way before. So I woke up this morning with a splitting headache and an awful smell of damp wool in the bed, must wash those blankets, next module shooting.

Edited by RobMc
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1 hour ago, TBB said:

Just finished of the monthly stash???

He he, this is when you get Rob a little mad, wait until I really get mad lol.

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Well.. This Kentucky guy can shoot your eyes out at 1000 yards with one bourbon in him and one in hand.. So.. Fuck you... ??

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LMAO, @RobMc, aka "Run D.MC."

I have upgraded you--in my my personal, unintelligible ranking system--from "Scarcely Fails to Deliver" to "Invariably Fails to Deliver."

Good laughs there, bud.

Ayaq

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14 hours ago, ANGU5 said:

at 1000 yards with one bourbon in him and one in hand

 Challenge.

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?

Edited by codpiece
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Module 2 - Shooting

This was a difficult one, in Europe an armed response unit turns up if you are a kid and point your fingers and go bang to another kid, this is apart from the councelling offered, ban from school for terrorist leanings, bullying allegations (your finger was a bigger bore than mine etc.), and being branded a fascist. Mention you shoot to your neighbours and they move house, so how was I to be like my hero Scotex?, he seems to have none of our problems.

If I walk around (not that I can) with a gun, firing it or not, I'll be in trouble, then it came to me, I remember Scotex and Spinpuppy talking about concealed carry, back to google and' bingo', thats the answer, surely we must have a similar arrangement? First things first I needed a gun, then I remembered I still had one from my youth called 'the gat', hey ho, a bit of rummaging in the drawers and there it was, looking lethal as hell. The spring was a bit rusty and I could not find the corks, but 'wor lass' has some dried peas - perfect, some of them in magnum and soft nose. Now I needed  a holster (is that right Scotex?, bet yours is made of gator hide), some of the wifes tight's were drying and they fit the bill (which is more than they do her, if we had a threesome the two men would never meet), the gun fitted one leg perfectly.

So down to the post office to buy a permit on the trusty scooter (bet Scotex has a Humvee in camo, with uprated suspension for his wallet?),  they should issue them eh?,

I'm now a rich man, as I approached the counter I felt the gun slipping out of it's leg, opening my jacket I saved it falling by putting the other leg over my head and holding the gun up (difficult with crutches), there was a gasp and the lady began to throw money at me. Wow, I forgot about the permit and my lottery ticket, thanked her, and cleared off before she changed her mind. Clicking the scooter into overdrive I went home, although judging by the sirens something was happening in the village, hope old Edna hasn't had another heart attack?

So by good fortune I now have the funds to complete the other modules quickly, in fact I may have enough for a flight to Texas, wouldn't that be nice?

ps I love steak Scotex

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On 3/31/2019 at 7:36 AM, Bogleg said:

 Challenge.

put me in that challange!

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LMAO, Run D.M.C., aka @RobMc!

In my earlier post, I left out the word "never."

Your rank shouldn't be "Invariably Fails to Deliver;" it should be "Invariably NEVER Fails to Deliver."

Lol.  We apologize for the omission.

Hehahhehahahehehahahah, you crazy bastige!

You know how I feel about you, in a non-gay kinda way, of course.

Lol, again.

Ayaq

P.S. - Google "Alaska," bud--it's 2.5 times the size of Texas.  If your country would "roll around inside of Texas," it would be like a pinball in the "Alaska Pinball Machine."  Lol.

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No camo here, New to the fleet.. And you need to be a man to carry big guns... ?

thigh_holster.jpg

58a1bab7adcb4e2b80eaedf692db3709.jpg

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Wow ! Scotex will be green with envy lol, that is some machine boy, it's bigger than our roads, see you have a gat too?

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5 hours ago, Sixgun said:

put me in that challange!

Hell we will even gibe Hammer a head start

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Good grief, one word about chem trails and I swear you are Hxtr’s lost brother...  :( 

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