AusiGirl Posted January 21, 2023 Member ID: 20712 Group: ++ COD4 Admin Followers: 40 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 853 Content Per Day: 0.23 Reputation: 1002 Achievement Points: 8440 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 7 Joined: 12/22/13 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 12 Birthday: 06/08/1972 Device: Windows Share Posted January 21, 2023 bds1961, Dot80, RobMc and 7 others 4 4 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
TBB Posted January 21, 2023 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 264 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 18127 Content Per Day: 3.47 Reputation: 20140 Achievement Points: 132832 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 263 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 12 hours ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: Windows Share Posted January 21, 2023 Fun fact: the boomerang is Australia’s chief export. And import. An Australian is visiting Britain. He’s from a small rural village and is completely unfamiliar with traffic rules and street lights, and just crosses streets whenever and wherever, almost getting hit by cars all the time. A police officer sees him and shouts, “Oi! You there, did you come here to die?” The Aussie replies, “Nah mate, I came yesterday!” A British man is visiting Australia. The man at customs asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The British man replies, “I didn’t think you’d need one to get into Australia any more.” I tried to smuggle a wild animal out of Australia… But it Dingo as planned. Why was Jesus not born in Australia? Because God couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin. I was watching Australian Master Chef last night. Some guy made a meringue and everybody cheered. I thought… That’s odd, normally in Australia they boo meringue. I met a guy from Australia who works in IT. I said, “Do you come from a LAN down under?” Sad news from Australia… The inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there isn’t something trying to kill you. “School” is my answer. Chris Hemsworth is from Australia and Thor is from space. Does that make Chris an Australian and Thor an Australien? It’s so hot here in Australia right now that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up… Just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife. What’s the difference between yogurt and Australia? If you leave yogurt on it’s own for while it develops it’s own culture. What do you call a prison full of kangaroos? Australia. I don’t understand time zones! How is it possible that in Europe it is today. In Australia it is tomorrow. And in Alabama it is 1890? What do you call a lie in Australia? A kangaruse. What do chess and eating at a restaurant in Australia have in common? They both end with a check mate. Two baked beans were travelling around Australia, do you know where they ended up? In Cairns. What does it take to work at a zoo in Australia? Koalafications. Why does Australia have so many customer service representatives? Because they offer koalaity service. A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”. Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”. The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, “And what are those?” The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?” A father and son from Germany went to a zoo in Australia. Upon arrival the little son pointed at the first animal he saw. Staring at a kangaroo he asked, “Daddy what is this animal called?” “Well, my son, this animal lives especially in Australia and it’s called a dangerou.” answered dad. The son looked around and saw a lion standing on a hill. His eyes began to shine and he yelled, “Wow dad! What kind of animal is that?!” The father said, “This is the king of the jungle and it’s called a dangerou.” Suddenly they heard the sound of an elephant nearby. They went a little closer and the son said, “Daddy we don’t have these big animals back in Germany, right? What is it called?” The father replied, “Correct, son, this animal is one of the biggest animals in the world and it’s called a dangerou.” The little boy frowned and asked, “But dad, weren’t the other animals also called dangerou?” “Correct again!” his father said. “You still have a lot to learn little boy, but once you understand the English language, you can read the signs saying ‘All animals are dangerous’.” A tourist is trudging through Australia’s Great Victoria Desert. He’s completely lost, and he’s quickly running out of water. His vision is rather impaired, and he can tell that he’s only got a few more hours before he’ll pass out. Suddenly, he accidentally steps on a rattlesnake! Before he can jump away, it hisses, bites him directly in the leg, and slithers off. The man panics. He had read about venomous snakebites in a book, and this one was usually fatal. His vision starts to blur. He swallows dryly, and accepts his fate. Finally, he loses his balance, and passes out in the sand. Miraculously, a local hiker finds him. He carries him back to his lodge, and tends to his wounds. When the man awakes, he solemnly asks, “Was I brought here to die?” “Nah mate,” replies the Aussie. “Ye were brought here yester-die.” A Brit and an Aussie walk into the men’s room and take a pee. As they finish, the Brit heads for the sink and turns on the water while the Aussie heads for the door. With a disapproving look, the Brit turns to the Aussie and says, “In England, we wash our hands after using the bathroom.” “No worries, mate,” answers the Aussie. ” In Australia we don’t pee on our hands.” rexbowan, Marshall and RobMc 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Marshall Posted February 18, 2023 Member ID: 29905 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 2 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 44 Content Per Day: 0.06 Reputation: 57 Achievement Points: 642 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 03/27/22 Status: Offline Last Seen: March 23 Device: Windows Share Posted February 18, 2023 On 1/21/2023 at 3:27 PM, TBB said: Fun fact: the boomerang is Australia’s chief export. And import. An Australian is visiting Britain. He’s from a small rural village and is completely unfamiliar with traffic rules and street lights, and just crosses streets whenever and wherever, almost getting hit by cars all the time. A police officer sees him and shouts, “Oi! You there, did you come here to die?” The Aussie replies, “Nah mate, I came yesterday!” A British man is visiting Australia. The man at customs asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The British man replies, “I didn’t think you’d need one to get into Australia any more.” I tried to smuggle a wild animal out of Australia… But it Dingo as planned. Why was Jesus not born in Australia? Because God couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin. I was watching Australian Master Chef last night. Some guy made a meringue and everybody cheered. I thought… That’s odd, normally in Australia they boo meringue. I met a guy from Australia who works in IT. I said, “Do you come from a LAN down under?” Sad news from Australia… The inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there isn’t something trying to kill you. “School” is my answer. Chris Hemsworth is from Australia and Thor is from space. Does that make Chris an Australian and Thor an Australien? It’s so hot here in Australia right now that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up… Just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife. What’s the difference between yogurt and Australia? If you leave yogurt on it’s own for while it develops it’s own culture. What do you call a prison full of kangaroos? Australia. I don’t understand time zones! How is it possible that in Europe it is today. In Australia it is tomorrow. And in Alabama it is 1890? What do you call a lie in Australia? A kangaruse. What do chess and eating at a restaurant in Australia have in common? They both end with a check mate. Two baked beans were travelling around Australia, do you know where they ended up? In Cairns. What does it take to work at a zoo in Australia? Koalafications. Why does Australia have so many customer service representatives? Because they offer koalaity service. A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”. Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”. The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, “And what are those?” The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?” A father and son from Germany went to a zoo in Australia. Upon arrival the little son pointed at the first animal he saw. Staring at a kangaroo he asked, “Daddy what is this animal called?” “Well, my son, this animal lives especially in Australia and it’s called a dangerou.” answered dad. The son looked around and saw a lion standing on a hill. His eyes began to shine and he yelled, “Wow dad! What kind of animal is that?!” The father said, “This is the king of the jungle and it’s called a dangerou.” Suddenly they heard the sound of an elephant nearby. They went a little closer and the son said, “Daddy we don’t have these big animals back in Germany, right? What is it called?” The father replied, “Correct, son, this animal is one of the biggest animals in the world and it’s called a dangerou.” The little boy frowned and asked, “But dad, weren’t the other animals also called dangerou?” “Correct again!” his father said. “You still have a lot to learn little boy, but once you understand the English language, you can read the signs saying ‘All animals are dangerous’.” A tourist is trudging through Australia’s Great Victoria Desert. He’s completely lost, and he’s quickly running out of water. His vision is rather impaired, and he can tell that he’s only got a few more hours before he’ll pass out. Suddenly, he accidentally steps on a rattlesnake! Before he can jump away, it hisses, bites him directly in the leg, and slithers off. The man panics. He had read about venomous snakebites in a book, and this one was usually fatal. His vision starts to blur. He swallows dryly, and accepts his fate. Finally, he loses his balance, and passes out in the sand. Miraculously, a local hiker finds him. He carries him back to his lodge, and tends to his wounds. When the man awakes, he solemnly asks, “Was I brought here to die?” “Nah mate,” replies the Aussie. “Ye were brought here yester-die.” A Brit and an Aussie walk into the men’s room and take a pee. As they finish, the Brit heads for the sink and turns on the water while the Aussie heads for the door. With a disapproving look, the Brit turns to the Aussie and says, “In England, we wash our hands after using the bathroom.” “No worries, mate,” answers the Aussie. ” In Australia we don’t pee on our hands.” Dangerous hehehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Izumi Posted February 18, 2023 Member ID: 2593 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 5 Topic Count: 62 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 490 Content Per Day: 0.10 Reputation: 977 Achievement Points: 5108 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 06/13/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 18 Birthday: 11/20/1978 Device: Android Share Posted February 18, 2023 Australia is called "Down Under" because its the closest you can get to Hell without being burned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
RobMc Posted February 18, 2023 Member ID: 25355 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 31 Topic Count: 257 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 5785 Content Per Day: 2.15 Reputation: 9114 Achievement Points: 63248 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 132 Joined: 12/14/16 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 10 Birthday: 01/05/1954 Device: Windows Share Posted February 18, 2023 3 minutes ago, Izumi said: Australia is called "Down Under" because its the closest you can get to Hell without being burned. You met my wife ??????? she knows her cooking is done when the fire alarm sounds Izumi and TBB 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TBB Posted February 18, 2023 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 264 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 18127 Content Per Day: 3.47 Reputation: 20140 Achievement Points: 132832 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 263 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 12 hours ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: Windows Share Posted February 18, 2023 1 hour ago, RobMc said: You met my wife ??????? she knows her cooking is done when the fire alarm sounds Like this????? RobMc 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
RobMc Posted February 18, 2023 Member ID: 25355 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 31 Topic Count: 257 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 5785 Content Per Day: 2.15 Reputation: 9114 Achievement Points: 63248 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 132 Joined: 12/14/16 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 10 Birthday: 01/05/1954 Device: Windows Share Posted February 18, 2023 She'd call that preparation TBB 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biotech Posted February 19, 2023 Member ID: 23616 Group: + COD5 Moderator Followers: 19 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 799 Content Per Day: 0.26 Reputation: 1074 Achievement Points: 6900 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 11/24/15 Status: Offline Last Seen: Sunday at 07:46 PM Birthday: 12/03/1965 Device: Windows Share Posted February 19, 2023 16 hours ago, RobMc said: You met my wife ??????? she knows her cooking is done when the fire alarm sounds so you are after Essie to get a decent meal ??? good luck dude RobMc 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
RobMc Posted February 19, 2023 Member ID: 25355 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 31 Topic Count: 257 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 5785 Content Per Day: 2.15 Reputation: 9114 Achievement Points: 63248 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 132 Joined: 12/14/16 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 10 Birthday: 01/05/1954 Device: Windows Share Posted February 19, 2023 40 minutes ago, Biotech said: so you are after Essie to get a decent meal ??? good luck dude I fear Essssieeee may have found another Bio, she is very quiet, we have seen this before during the years, but never fear our wallets are a strong lure over these younger whippersnappers. Keep an eye out for her next time you're up in your plane, I'll do likewise on the ground, remember we have the funds to do a 'hit' on any competition. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostfaceJim Posted February 19, 2023 Member ID: 2314 Group: ++ Conan Exiles Admin Followers: 32 Topic Count: 112 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 20717 Content Per Day: 4.33 Reputation: 5314 Achievement Points: 113891 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 50 Joined: 03/19/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: 23 hours ago Birthday: 04/22/1975 Device: Windows Share Posted February 19, 2023 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
rexbowan Posted February 19, 2023 Member ID: 27522 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 13 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1914 Content Per Day: 1.00 Reputation: 1562 Achievement Points: 13389 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 11 Joined: 01/25/19 Status: Offline Last Seen: 15 hours ago Birthday: 07/22/1951 Device: Windows Share Posted February 19, 2023 LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
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