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Showing content with the highest reputation on 02/14/20 in all areas
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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$150" Man - "Sold." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,"How much?" Boy - "$350" Man - "Highway robbery. Sold." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The boy says, "$500" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the Priest to confess his sins and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."5 points
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In the backwoods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. “Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down. I think there’s yet another wee one to come.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another baby. “Now don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man. It seems there’s yet another!” cried the doctor. The new father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor. “Do ya think it’s the light that’s attractin’ them?”4 points
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He won't be there, he'll be too tired, any parent knows that, welcome to hell mate On the bright side in only 35 (boy), 25 (girl) years you'll be free again, you won't have any money, but wtf?3 points
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Fight
STARPICKET and 2 others reacted to Dogg for a topic
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are no good in bed either,” and storms out of the house. After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, “What took you so long to answer the phone?” She says, “I was in bed.” “In bed this early, doing what?” “Getting a second opinion!”3 points -
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant “Steve’s Place” and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired “Why the spoon?” “Well” he explained “the restaurant’s owner hired a consulting company to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. “If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.” As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. “I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.” I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter “Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?” “Oh, certainly!” Then he lowered his voice. “Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%. I asked quietly “After you get it out, how do you put it back?” “Well” he whispered “I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.”3 points
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Rotation #1 25 maps Put in rotation 02/13/20 LOCO map mp_mirage_b3 map mp_bo2mir map mp_sab map mp_overgrown map mp_skidrow map mp_tobruk_4 map mp_4nuketown map mp_wallendar_4 map mp_4t4scrap_s map mp_backlot map mp_brokenroad map mp_countdown map mp_dawnville_rota1 map mp_hk2 map mp_rebel_b1 map mp_dedust map mp_fallout map mp_m_town map mp_isla_beta1 map mp_forest_houses map mp_kabul_moh map mp_archives map mp_deserttown_v1 map mp_death_street map mp_doowood Server Rebooted 9:05pm pst2 points
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Bloody hell I just realised its been Ten years for me. ? Now I know I am getting Old.... October 2009 How time fly's. Back then I was called Baldiemeat ??? I can not remember what year it was I changed it to just Baldie. Oh well here is to the next Ten Years2 points
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Golfing
STARPICKET and one other reacted to Dogg for a topic
A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said “Can you please help me, I don’t know what hole I’m on.” She told him “You are one hole behind me. I’m on 7, you’re on 6.” He thanked her and continued playing golf. On the back nine he got lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. “I’m sorry to bother you again but I’m lost again, can you please tell me what hole I’m on.” She told him “You are one hole behind me. I’m on 14. You are on 13.” Again, he thanked her and continued playing golf. When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living. “I’m in sales.” He replied “no kidding so am I. What do you sell?” She said it’s too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she’d tell him if he promised not to laugh. He promised. She said “I sell tampons.” He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically. She said “You promised you wouldn’t laugh.” He replied “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help it. I sell toilet paper. I’m still one hole behind you.”2 points -
Please Welcome Back Unexist To Our Clan
Trailrtrash and one other reacted to Unexist for a topic
Thank you all! i am glad to be back! and im glad to see many familiair names. For those who dont know me... ill keep it short I was an member in the early >XI< years (2007?) dont know for sure. In 2015 my wife got pregnant so i had to sell my gaming stuff due to lack of space. Now that my daughter is going to school and we moved to a bigger house... im back! >:)2 points -
Been here how long?
Mule and one other reacted to FunkyChickn for a topic
No wonder I don't need therapy. I'm now past help ?2 points -
Lots of negative reviews on that one on Amazon. PPL saying that you literally have to put your eyeball rite up to the glass to see through it and alot of ppl had problems with 1 of the lenses rattling loose inside of it after use. Some PPL had problems when flipping it and flipping it back it would be misaligned. This is supposed to be pretty decent. People say that it offers 3"-5" eye relief which is better than what they say about the Sightmark. It's $20 more but only 3x. 3x is still good for 100 yards. https://www.amazon.com/Bushnell-Optics-Magnifier-Matte-Black/dp/B06VXCFJSF2 points
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Sightmark T-5 Magnifier with LQD Flip to Side Mount
SirThunder and one other reacted to Sikon for a topic
2 points -
Sightmark T-5 Magnifier with LQD Flip to Side Mount
SirThunder and one other reacted to YACCster for a topic
Maybe you just need some glasses?2 points -
hiya all i have 5 steam keycodes to give away for arma 2 every month for free there's no requirements to have a code but there are a few rules no account can receive two codes e.g. for their friend or kids etc one per person first come first served codes are sent out in order of post old to new the game is free and you don't have to play it but i would like if you would try the game at the least once a code has been sent to a person (in a pm) you won't be given a second code if you lose the code e.g.. failed to activate as i know personally all the codes work as they are paid for through steam same if you lose access to the account if you need help setting up the game drop any of the arma admins a pm on the website or join ts (prefer it's on ts as it's easier to communicate this way) other than that if you want the game just post below and i'll get back to you as soon as i can I look forward to seeing you in the servers1 point
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Been here how long?
Majbasil reacted to FunkyChickn for a topic
1 point -
Rotation #2 21 maps Put in 2/13/20 LOCO map mp_4hanoi map mp_aquadukt map mp_athena map mp_backlot_snow map mp_beltot map mp_bjwifi_port map mp_brokenroad map mp_caen map mp_cassino map mp_chicago map mp_e_streetstation map mp_arbo_a map mp_fav map mp_funland map mp_goodtimes map mp_hhk_sandman map mp_moh_sfrance_b1 map mp_ncc_1701 map mp_prison_block map mp_m_town map mp_shipment_island Server Restarted 8:22pm pst1 point
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XtremeIdiots would like to wish all members celebrating their birthday today a happy birthday. schmelpboy (37)reappergrimd (34)daz murray (49)|AK|*1$1K* (27)*D* (41)Grandaddy (70)Mr. Slime (32)Jumby (27)Lonsdale (50)GoonVizzion (30)Talon_Devil (54)Mekanic (37)piglo (52)1 point
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mw2 146b9 map rotation
LOCO reacted to WldPenguin for a topic
Guess I thanked you twice for this one, and none for Freezetag 1 ?1 point -
Who are we blaming? I notice you didn't write, "I got my wife pregnant"...1 point
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@DEEJAYKEG HERES THE FIRST TWO OF A SET OF FIVE. iTS NOT ALL THE MAPS BUT A GOOD CHUNK. Let me know when you have them i'll upload 3 and 4 https://drive.google.com/open?id=1_ks7r1R2NoIWmhs83ZQL-IacnOqXFGGP https://drive.google.com/open?id=1h2gcsWJjVesWBldAqeODEGQbsJoLGsi-1 point
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yes also not sure if it is related or not but the "latest posts" list sometime doesnt refresh. like if u post a replay to a post and refresh the home page, u don't see that post on top of the list.1 point
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Been here how long?
SirThunder reacted to TBB for a topic
You're not past help - you're just an >IDIOT<1 point -
Sightmark T-5 Magnifier with LQD Flip to Side Mount
SirThunder reacted to ANGU5 for a topic
? Just useless.. All of you...and some of you call yourselves .... something...1 point -
1 point
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XI meeting in Amsterdam
SirThunder reacted to Daskaid for a topic
Oooh it's on like DONKEY KONG. I will be there. Since it is in Amsterdam I know an amazing activity we could do: VR gaming (with actual roaming in an area)! After all we still are gamers. https://www.vrarcade.nl/group-packages <-- check out their website. For large groups (20+ players) it's just 22,95 Euro's. For smaller groups (less then 20 players) it's 30 Euro's per player. I've done this once and it is was fucking awesome. I highly recommended it. Only downside in my opinion is accessibility.. about 25 minutes by public transportation (approx 15 min walk included). I would go for June or early September, at least if you want to have decent weather.1 point -
XI meeting in Amsterdam
Power! reacted to TheDrimpXI for a topic
1 point -
Sightmark T-5 Magnifier with LQD Flip to Side Mount
SirThunder reacted to RobMc for a topic
Be gone temptation Can't resist1 point -
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Give it to @Gatorgirl - she doesn't need a magnifier and is a better shot anyway!!!!0 points