GHO5T

They're monsters.  This is Mr. Stripey.

I've always been a keen tomato eater with my meals too

https://nypost.com/2022/07/26/drinking-more-than-5-glasses-of-wine-a-week-will-age-you/
Shit, I should've been dead twenty years ago. Not even mentioning my coffee, candy, butter, beef, eggs, salt, hot sauce & flour fetishes. Might as well continue, like Sam Clemens said, plenty of ballast to heave overboard when the ship starts sinking.

Pleasure doing business. Think I'll take your advice & warm up the frydaddy. Nice batch of battered bluegill, some onion rings, & mushrooms sound good. Finish off with rhubarb pie made w/butter & brown sugar.  Wash it down with a black porter. 
I don't take life seriously either. Never known anyone to get out alive, so piss on the PC righteous. 

Dear LCB,
                Thank you for your interest, I have run this through a special programme on my Atari ST, supplied by Professor A. Hole and you may be surprised to know it comes up with the answer :- FU.
                Thank you for your interest and please continue your economic strategy of downing as much alcohol as you can in your lifetime.
( Bar chart in place of smiley)

I love our Code of Conduct.
 
 
 

Knock Knock!.
Who’s there?
Excel.
Excel who?.
Excel-lent Excel Jokes!
 
Excel Puns
Puns are PIVOTal to this post.
And I excel at them.
Sorry.
1. What do Microsoft Excel users put in their hair?
SUMPRODUCT()
2. What do you call someone aroused by filling in the top line of an Excel spreadsheet?
A header row sexual.
3. It’d be suite to call your kids “Word” and “Excel.”
4. I really excel at Microsoft puns.
Take my word for it.
5. I’ve recently not been getting along with Excel
We don’t have the same values.
6. I couldn’t figure out how to use the average feature on Excel
Now all my data is meaningless.
7.
8. A guy offered to document my life in Microsoft Excel, but I said no.
I don’t want him to spreadsheet about me.
9. Next year I’ll give up spreadsheets for 40 days and 40 nights…
It’s going to be Excel Lent
10. What shirt size does Bill Gates wear?
Excel.
11. I’ve been typing numbers into Excel all day.
My fingers have gone NUM.

Save money
Shoot the cat

On a black shirt or other dark color, with red lettering on top, peach outlined in white, and white lettering below, with the heart or other graphic in red. XI name on back with XI Fest 2022.

Meow hips...

My wife has been going on and on for the last 6 months about how she wanted to get a new Mini Cooper…she had one about 10 years ago and wanted it back. So on the sly I was able to figure out what colors she wanted and I factory ordered her a new electric Mini Cooper a few months ago. I just got the update that it’s at the port now. This is gonna be epic when I take her out for lunch one day soon….and wind up at the Mini dealer to collect her new car. 
 
 

Aww bless you even managed to put yourself in the picture, and i see you've treated yourself to some new wheels. 

Exciting New Venture
Sorry I’ve been away so long but I have been investing a lot of time and money into my new business, I’m sure you’ll wish me every success, and ladies if you’re passing by I’ll give XI people a 50% discount. (Just mention me to the Madam on the door)
As you’ll all recall I (like most of my contemporaries) used Facebook for years, and very successful it was too, however it had it’s limitations, especially on finding public toilets in parks, Not many turned up, I suspect they got lost, uncannily the local Police did not have this problem and I am great friends now with most of the WPC’s, who have a penchant for handcuffs and beatings, perfect.
I accidentally stumbled upon these premises for rent, only 5 minutes from the local girls sixth form college, and in time for the school holidays, how lucky am I ???? I was a bit disappointed with the door number and I petitioned the lady on reception at the council for a change of 1 digit. However she threw me out when she asked did I want it going up or going down and my reply was ‘both’, last time they get my vote.

I offer the following amenities to the young ladies :-
1/. Nude bathing area, well to be truthful 2 bags of builders sand in a corner of the back yard with an old golf umbrella and a kids paddling pool, thoughtfully under the surveillance of the rear security camera.
2/. Hot Rod surprise car training area, I chopped the rear end with the back seat off a Mondeo, painted it red and installed blackout curtains. I offer one on one training to the young ladies on how to conduct themselves in boyfriends cars, I’m all heart me. The surprise comes at the start when they ask where the ‘Hot Rod’ is  – bless them, the look on their faces is priceless as they grasp it.
3/. Sun beds, (3 available) one way mirrors with an LED bulb, interconnected so the voyeur can swap tables when required (underneath). They may not get a tan but they will be ‘hot’, at least to the voyeur.
4/. Hot Pool, they are required to play with no clothes on, snooker is also an option - get it?), strict house rule – no licking the balls, that is cheating.
5/. Gambling room – Strip Poker
6/. Fun room – Pin the tail on the sixth former
7/. Preparing for after school (special lessons given by myself and the madam) – Stripping, finding a decent pimp, Street corner etiquette, hotel room selection criteria, and how to dress and undress
8/. The Discovery room – In line with modern thinking on discovering your true sexual leanings in your teens, Rob offers one to one ‘discovery lessons’. It doesn’t take many to decide which way you swing, ps girls only please, cross dressers etc not welcome (That means you Chris).
9/. Pregnancy advice – Rob will demonstrate how to get pregnant, think of the benefits (UK readers will get this)
 
 
Grand opening tomorrow, that’s me outside doing my sales pitch with one of my chicks in the background, wish me luck.

Need more exercise??  Chase after @Icequeen - she's really fast and impossible to catch  - don't ask me how I know 

The last image (seemingly in a completely different restroom than the first two!?) portrays a Timmah challenged with quite the conundrum:  "Do I use the changing table and care for this baby.... or the garbage can?"  And to that I say, giving it up for adoption is the righteous and loving path.
Either the image says that or.... "I am about to drop a massive deuce in the sink".
Congrats on your weight loss journey!

Down to 207 lbs.  
Still need someone to do crunches for me, though. 
 

Astounding it's been 25+ years since my Freshman year of college.   Ran across my very first Psych. book from that year.  Took Developmental the next...& Aberrant Psychology the following year.  All those wonderful tomes that prompt one to posit: OMG! is that me?!  =D. 

i can't realy wrap my head around what you just said. You realy think this is an act set in motion to change the gun laws in america?

Krunch I have to agree with Labob. Very disrespectful. My heart goes out for the families affected. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Wow krunch so so disrespectful. You will have all the time in the world to go hug your guns.  But please let those who feel the loss here grieve. 

another  kick at the can of disarming the people so  the devil's working on killing second amendment.
sorry for the losses of those sheep's (in the eye's of the deed)
money, power and greed at work here 
fake news ? pete tell this to the poppet masters who organized this 

What is wrong with this world? My heart sinks to the thought that this is even possible. I can’t imagine the awful pain and despair these families are experiencing tonight and will for what will seem forever.
If you have children or grandchildren, please hold them a little longer tonight, and pray for those who can not.