xxSHOOTERxx

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?" "Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied. "What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?" "Throw out another anchor, sir." "And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain. "Throw out another anchor, sir." "Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?" "From the same place you're getting your storms

A little old lady went to buy cat food. She picked up three cans, but was told by the clerk, "I'm sorry, but we can't sell this to you without proof you have a cat. Too many seniors are buying cat foot to eat. Management wants proof that you are buying this for your cat." So the lady went home, brought in her cat and was sold the cat food. . . . The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food and was again told she couldn't buy them without proof. So the lady went home, brought in her dog and was sold the dog food. . . .One day later, she brought in a box with a hole in the lid and asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake in there." The lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box, quickly pulled it out and exclaimed, "That smells like crap." . . . The lady replied, "It is. I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. 'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.' The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said. 'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said. The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.' Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'. The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?' The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'

A cowgirl walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my sisters, though."

A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a piece of cork up his butt. ''Why do you have a cork up your butt?'' ''Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me one wish. I said, "NO SHIT!"

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says, "We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive" The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps. This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

A Texas A&M student spent a holiday in New Mexico with Native Americans who told him the Legend of the Maidens. The tale went this way: "There are beautiful maidens who live in the cracks and crevices in this valley. If you hear them call, 'Woo Woo,' take off your clothes quickly and enter the cave. They will show you a fabulous time!" Several days later, the headlines in the local newspaper read: "Body of Naked Texas A&M Student found in Tunnel, Run Over by Train."

3 Cajuns were walking through the woods when they came upon a set of tracks. The first Cajun said, "Those are deer tracks." The second Cajun said, "Hell no, those are elk tracks." "You're both wrong," said the third Cajun. "Those are moose tracks." The Cajuns were still arguing when the train hit them.

Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy. The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" "It's Frank. The midget."

A man received the following text from his neighbor: I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I do not get it at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't ever happen again. The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: DAMN AUTOSPELL! I meant "wifi, not "wife"

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Best Buy now?"

And sorry for any inconvience I have caused you Damage_inc., but maybe you should take a reading comprehension class then read the title of the post again. Maybe then you would not have been inconvienced by having opened the post to read it and trouble your weak mind. Don't forget to wear your helmet while riding your bicycle with the front and rear training wheels on it...lol!!

Thanks Loco for your help. I have Done all kinds of Google and other searches on it and like you just not finding many facts on it.

That's it Loco. Just wanting to know some info on it. Like what it was used for the meaning and such.

I recently came across a Nazi Tinnie badge with the words "weihe des gautheaters saarpfalz saarbrucke 19.oktober 1938" it has a swastika and some kind of building on it, as well as a branch with leaves on it on both sides of the building. Just wondering about the history of the badge.

Rodney and his wife Wilma are awakened at 3 o'clock early one Saturday morning by a loud pounding on the door. Rodney gets up and goes to the door where he sees a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain. "Give us a push" says the swaying stranger. "Not a chance", says the husband, "It is three o' clock in the morning." He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push", he answers. "Did you help him?" Wilma asks. "No. I did not. It is three o' clock in the morning and it is pouring with rain outside." His wife said, "Don't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself." Rodney does as he is told, gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello! Are you still there?" "Yes", comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out Rodney. "Yes. Please." comes the reply from the darkness. "Where are you?" asks Rodney. "Over here on the swing", replies the drunk.

Three Blondes were fishing when they were approached by the Game Warden asking to see their fishing licence. “We don’t have any,” replied the first blonde. “Well, if you’re going to fish, you need fishing licenses,” said the Game Warden. “But officer,” replied the second blonde, “we aren’t fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we’re collecting debris off the bottom of the river.” The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. “Well, I know of no law against it,” said the Game Warden. “Take all the debris you want.” And with that, he left. As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. “What a dumb Fish Cop,” the second blonde said to the other two. “Doesn’t he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?”

@@BigPapaDean Women here in Texas are satisfied. After all everything is bigger in Texas. I was in Kentucky a few years back and this guy asked me for dip of snuff. I told him I didn't dip snuff.... and then said yes you do I see the can in your back pocket.... I said no you don't...he said I see the snuff can ring worn out on your back pocket plus I also see the bulge of the can.... I reached back and pulled out my condom and said you mean this.... His eyes got wide and his girlfriend became real friendly with me;)

@@Noears711XI I know. Have you notice when he talks in game it sounds like someone is squeezing his balls? And when he gets excited he almost squeals....lol!!!

May not be him dancing, but the voice singing is his spot on...lol!!!

Centuries ago, God came down, went to the Germans and said, "I have Commandments that will help you live better lives." The Germans ask, "What are Commandments?"... And the Lord says, "Rules for living." "Can you give us an example?" God says, "Thou shalt not kill." "Not kill? We're not interested." So God went to the Italians and said, "I have Commandments..." The Italians wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not steal." "Not steal? We're not interested." Next the Lord went to the French saying, "I have Commandments..." The French wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife." And the French were not interested. God then went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments..." "Commandments," said the Jews, "How much are they?" "They're free." "We'll take 10."

http://www.nymeta.co/woman-hospitalized-remove-deer-tongue-used-please/

http://www.nymeta.co/woman-hospitalized-remove-deer-tongue-used-please/

After a long day on the golf course, I stopped in at ‘Hooter's’ to see some friends and have some hot Wings and ice tea. After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with. I told them "The one who knows how to fix elevators." I'm old, tired, and pee a lot.

A guy is 72 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up." He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."... He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, "Are you talking to me?" The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!" The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket. Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride." He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."