widowmaker

"Why do people say 'grow some balls'? Balls are weak & sensitive, if you wanna get tough, grow a vagina. Those things take a pounding." quoting Betty White

2 men old talking about getting old. 1 says "my hands shake so bad I cut myself 3 times shaving". 2nd old man says"Hell, I came 4 times taking a piss"

9 out of 10 men like girls with big boobs rather than small boobs... the 10th guy likes the other 9 guys

A guy asks a girl "you ever have magic sex?" Girl says "No, how do you do that?" Guy says "we fuck, then you disappear!" Ta Da BITCH!

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates , he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.""Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"... "That's Mother Teresa 's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." Incredible," said the man". And whose clock is that on...

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose 'Carmen'. What's your name?" she asked. He answered, "B.J. Titsengolf."

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him,"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.....

After years of observation,multiple hypothesis,well-structured analyzis and deeply reviewed interpretations.I finally came to ONE CONCLUSION: I'M NOT NORMAL

At this age I am always concerned about the hereafter. Every time I walk in the room I think, what did I come in here after?thank you for the birthday wish's

Ate out at a Mexican restaurant. Used the men's room while there, after "going", some guy says, "Ah, Senior"! I said, "Ah seen yours too...Weirdo!"

Birdie birdie in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like soap and feels like spit, oh my God it's birdie shit!

camouflage condoms: they will never see you coming.

Cops never think it's as funny as you do. They sent me a picture of me speeding, so I sent a picture of a check... so they sent me a picture of handcuffs.

Craziest thing ever happened today, .... Got home and opened up my safe, and ALL my guns were gone, just a heap of busted wood, steel, and polymer laying in the bottom of the safe. Brass casings and gun powder strewn everywhere.... Best i can figure.... Apparently one of my assault weapons went ballistic and assaulted the rest of my innocent weapons, who knew right.... Crazy shit, .... Obama is right guys ....we need to get rid of these crazy death traps before they turn on us all !!!!! ........

Daffy duck calls the hotel office and asks for a condom. they ask him if he wants it on his bill. he says are thucking sherious i would shufficate

Do you ever wonder if a camel looks at its toe and thinks "Damn! I have vagina foot!"

does anyone know of a face book group for free pets in alabama. i have 4 puppies i need to find homes for. SOON! hate to take them to the pound.

everybody now. i'm crazy and i know it. where's my krayons.

everyone better get ready to fight. cause if we don't we're f**ked.

Facebook Changed Everyone’s Email to @Facebook.com; Here’s How to Fix Yours Click "About" on your profile and scroll down to your email address. Click "Edit" to change them. Click on the circle next to your Facebook email address and change its setting to "Hidden From Timeline". Click on the circle next to your other email addresses and change their settings to "Shown On Timeline". Click the Save button at the bottom of t...

free to good home. boxer and saint bernard mix puppies. ready for a new home. pm me on here if interested.

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!!! Up and at 'em!!! Rise and shine!!! and all that other bull shit ...

got a Rolex for my birthday from a couple lesbians I know. Guess they misunderstood me when I told them "I wanna watch."

got pulled over by a female officer, she threw me against the car and said, "anything you say can and will be held against you." So I said, "tits"

Hard to explain to someone who has no clue. It's a daily struggle being in pain or feeling sick on the inside while you look fine on the outside. Please put this as your status for at least 1 hour if you or someone you know has an invisible illness (Crohn's, PTSD, Anxiety, Bipolar, Depression, Diabetes, Lupus, Fibromyalgia, MS, ME, Arthritis, Cancer, HEART DISEASE, EPILEPSY, Autism,M.D., Histiocytosis etc.) " Never judge what you don't understand, I know which of my friends will copy and past...