Heffalump Posted July 13, 2010 Member ID: 819 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 27 Topic Count: 52 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1060 Content Per Day: 0.19 Reputation: 186 Achievement Points: 6125 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/01/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 22, 2024 Birthday: 11/22/1971 Device: Windows Posted July 13, 2010 My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... ************ ********* ********* ********* *** My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started.... ************ ********* ********* ********* *** Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started... ************ ********* ********* ********* *** I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?" And then the fight started..... ************ ********* ********* ********* ** My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started... ************ ********* ********* ********* *** When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started... ************ ********* ********* ********* *** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... ************ ********* ********* ********* *** My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... ************ ********* ********* ********* *** I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started... ************ ********* ********* ********* *** A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started.....
SGTDANKO Posted July 13, 2010 Member ID: 3214 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 27 Topic Count: 206 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 2362 Content Per Day: 0.49 Reputation: 50 Achievement Points: 14004 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/21/12 Status: Offline Last Seen: July 4, 2015 Birthday: 06/23/1981 Posted July 13, 2010 lmao
BlackOp8 Posted July 13, 2010 Member ID: 1440 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 0 Topic Count: 23 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 588 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 0 Achievement Points: 3170 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/23/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: Never Birthday: 01/18/1986 Posted July 13, 2010 good stuff
NITRO Posted July 13, 2010 Member ID: 1095 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 34 Topic Count: 101 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 3639 Content Per Day: 0.65 Reputation: 2460 Achievement Points: 24702 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 2 Joined: 02/06/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: March 17 Birthday: 03/23/1979 Device: iPhone Posted July 13, 2010 LOL good work Awards
Ausylon Posted July 13, 2010 Member ID: 1542 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 0 Topic Count: 12 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 142 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 0 Achievement Points: 830 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/30/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: September 4, 2013 Birthday: 07/08/1983 Posted July 13, 2010 lol ive read some of these before, good times. thanks for the memories, good laugh
Teleck Posted July 13, 2010 Member ID: 601 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 2 Topic Count: 52 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 389 Content Per Day: 0.07 Reputation: 69 Achievement Points: 2583 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/20/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: November 22, 2016 Birthday: 07/13/1967 Posted July 13, 2010 lol eyesight near perfect....that was classic
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