noob

there 4 have highest view rate/ or highest audience retention rate http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4AkBgnC5nc http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHH1AI8Pf9o https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCR2XGdYybo http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6RjcoRnhfM

i got 1k youtube views as of yesterday , and have 320+ unique youtube views , and I'm working with this guy from the generationofhope, and this other guy were making a google group where people who are trying to help can talk about helping people, and have like a list of people they can contact for help

when someone call me a hacker, noob, camper, bitch, fucker, sneaky fucker, tuber I feel good inside knowing that i'm a pain in the ass to me it is all praised

the other thing about depression and being sucidal is there is usually mutiple factors and complications that have to be considered, when I got hospitalized the first day I had to take 3 different scantron test they were 400+ questions, eighty questions, 200 question tests to anaylze If i had been absued, what my psychological make up was, etc, etc

I know what you mean about the alcholic, I had only gotten out of the hospital 3 months before I started dating that girl, I learned an assload of life lessons, like 1 don't put someone before yourself who isn't family, and make sure to take care of yourself, 3 not everyone can be helped, 4 god will never give you too much to handle, 5 what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, 6 what you get out of life is based on how much you put in, i'm not on the edge I was a year ago I have very good memory that is how I was able to keep most of the emotion in the story

shamu feel free to tell me to manup and shutup, if you had not read before I typed I had gotten professional help already a year ago for months, and that I wrote the 1st post from memories of my feelings and thoughts at the time,

shamu depression can be cause my imbalance of chemicals in brain, and abuse, especially sexual abuse and more

honesty is a very good trait, it takes courage to say you honest opinion , I'm glad that your happy with the divorce, the week my ex was gone and in the hospitaI had so much free time I wasn't even sure how to use my time lol, and I felt very happy,

shamu are you being serious, or joking I'm confused by what you mean lol

thanks flush, and damn flush nice job making your dreams come true

thanks billyblade I got over 200 views within the last week ^^, and people seem to really like 2 of the videos I made, I've been getting better at making them, Xp3rT I go eat food and I'm happy lol, or I listen to songs by werid al, or play kamikaze cod4 where I run around with a nade in my hand and hope I kill a lot of people XD, etc, etc

I think the high school I went to had a day of scilence event hosted by TWLOHA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3R31qKNbxU&feature=relmfu I'm making videos with messages like in the one above, if your going to watch it you have to watch it all the way through otherwise it won't make sense and others based on experience so people don't feel alone

thank you

lol wow I fail play was suppose to be place lol

I have, I had consuling and services through the play that got my hospitalized for about 1 1/2 year afterwards and I have talked with my parents, I got a lot of help afterwards, my friends and family helped me through I'm greatful for both the experiences they both taught me a lot of life lessons that I wouldn't have learn otherwise, and they made me a stronger person, I want to help people I got the time right now to make the videos so why not , I like making there videos I'm learning how to make them, I've gotten a lot better since my 1st , what I wrote was what I remember happening and what I remember feeling at the time I have a very good memory, I was kinda of nervous making the videos at first because I was worried about making ones that made people feel worse about themselves

I don't need help, I was seriously asking if this would help people I've gotten consuling since this happened, this was written from memory, I have a very good memory and ability to recall the emotions I feel in thing that i felt were important, a lot of teenagers who are depressed nowaday feel alone, and that they are the only one, making videos other people can relate to will make them not feel that they are alone and they may open up to someone, and I don't want people making the same mistake of trying to help someone else at the cost of my needs also making the videos made me experience some of the emotions I Felt before, but i don't feel like killing or hurting myself that is how I know I'm healed, I've have experience a lot of physical, and verbal abuse, and some emotional, and a little bit of sexual abuse which i'm using to make videos about past memories, the old schoolers can be as harsh as they want

https://www.youtube....44?feature=mhee ^ youtube channel I'm making youtube videos to help other people ^^ I'm torn between two job fields inventor and consuler

and when iposted this topic it was a year from the date she got hospitialized

I'm at terms with my demon that I'm not sucidal, but the pain isn't going away, I don't know if it well, I have gotten nightmares, but I do know that I'm a lot stronger, the pain can be there, but I don't feel like hurting myself, or killing myself like I used too

that was from december, 8, 2010 till 2011 april 28, and she is probably going to end up in sucidal ward again because she never told her parent's or the people at the hosptial and dnied it, and I called her in june 2011 just asked about it, and she started screaming, the hardest part was facing the fact that you can't save everyone all the time, those 5 months changed my life, and changed me as a person in the aftermath it made me a lot stronger, and I thought about it afterwards and felt stupid for valuing her bestfriends who didn't help, the ones that did didn't hate me, and I have a whole life ahead of me of things to do, and experience, and that 1 expereicne taught me an assload of life lessons, and next time something like that happens record it, and cal 911 for them

I'm moving, haven't been able to get a job and I'm out of school right now so i have a month of free time and I don't have to pack professinonals are going to come in and do that part, I'm using this time to learn about different programming and other interests, I wanna make 1 thing to help people who are sucidal, I haven't use my potential much in about 4 years, I figure why not take me 1-2 days and it could help people, so i'm going to ^^

i don't want to kill my self, this happen about 1 1/2 -1 year I want to help other people who are depressed, 2nd time for 5 months listen to someone elses pain, and just watched her suffer and only 2 of her best friends even tried to help, my ex was molested when she was 7 for a very long time, in the restraunt that her family owned at the time, depression can also be caused my chemical imbalanced, and a mix of factors? If there is one thing about depression is that most people with depression are lonely, or have a chemical imbalance in there brain and are suffering silently because they don't feel anyone cares, and my ex didn't die she is alive, all you have to do is put someone before yourself to help them, or just listen, and out of the two watching someone be sucidal, and suffer like that knowing what it is like, I got molested too, I know what your trying to say you'll cause pain to those that you love, best way to help people with depression is compassion because most of the time they feel that noone cares about them, or that they are a burden to people, and that it is best to be open minded in this world to everyone and everything. I want to help people with it, even if I only save someone other then my ex it is worth it to me.

ok thank you

aftermath later, she told me that I had helped her later, and that I wasn't the one who caued her to be sucidal