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Status Updates posted by GorillaXI
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I'm in my underwear on the porch in a rocking chair drinking my coffee................. Man,, Is this Cracker Barrel packed this morning or what?
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I learned a lesson from my dog tonight.................No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that shit and move on.
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I'm afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
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As I've grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible! But pissing everyone off...that's a piece of cake!!!
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I don’t know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.
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If gas prices keep going up I'm cutting off the bottom of my car and I'm "Flintstoning" That mf!
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I had my identity stolen once. The next day I found it on my doorstep with a note saying, "F@ck you, you can keep it."
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I look at people sometimes and think..for real? That's the sperm that won?
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When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don’t have if they are asking me for advice.
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Happy Leap Year
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The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the "I'm sick" voice.
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Here's my gym schedule. Monday, cardio. Tuesday, weights. Wednesday, 7 mile bike ride. Thursday, 15 year break. Repeat.
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If your girlfriend claims to never look at your Facebook profile, change your status to "single" and wait 5 minutes