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I'm tired of the damn cold aready , but i like the seasons so i just have to stick it out. Maybe a sun lamp and an island drink would help. LOL

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but... "Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch." The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision." The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?" "I have," says the man. "And what is the decision?" asks the doctor. "We're getting granite countertops."

That was funny. the kids really wanted to eat the marshmallows.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink".. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO. Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040 , there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Cardiologist's Funeral: A very prestigious cardiologist died, and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life... A huge heart... covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket was rolled inside.The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, 'I am so sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist.' The proctologist fainted

No problem with the text download this morning.Did notice couldn't upload what should be our new anthem. But now i know why. Keep up the good work.

I've never laughed so hard in all my life!!!!!

Why NFL Quarterbacks Need Short Last names

How Fights Start My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... ****************************************** My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started..... ****************************************** Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started... ****************************************** I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?" And then the fight started..... ***************************************** After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... ****************************************** My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since..' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... ****************************************** I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started.... ****************************************** A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started.....

I Had some trouble driving tank in Labobs map

Congradulations !!!! Wheres the cigars LOL ,I don't smoke so how about a beer.

Great Toys everyone, good to see everybodies interest. I'm a motorhead so anything with a motor i like. Also boobs, but thats almost everbodies toys.

New Bra Dr. Calvin Rickson, a scientist from Texas A&M University, has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling, or bouncing up and down, and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in. At a news conference, after announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr . Rickson outside and kicked the shit out of him ...

I like revolvers And we have a travel trailer, I would love to tour over there.

What Gets Longer When Pulled, Fits Between your Boobs, Inserts Neatly in a Hole AND Works Best When Jerked? Scroll down...... A Seatbelt you pervert! Buckle up!

This is our new grand daughter

Did You Know This About Leather Dresses? Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally??? Ever wonder why? It's because she smells like a new Truck.

To my fellow "Old Dogs" One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, no! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder, if there are any more around here?' Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!' Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old German Shepherd sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine! Now, the old German Shepherd sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says... 'Where's that monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard! Moral of this story... Don't mess with the old dogs... age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BullShit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Pantyhose Riddle. Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose? Answer: 10 little piggy's, 2 calves, 1 ass, and an unknown number of hares, And of course one (1)… Come on, you know you're laughing!

The Husband Store A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Instructions at the entrance read: 1) You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! 2) There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. 3) The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you may not go back down except to exit. So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 These men Have Jobs. Floor 2 These men Have Jobs and Love Kids Floor 3 These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Good Looking "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Helps Housework, "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Helps Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the Sign reads: Floor 6 . To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner has opened "The Wife Store" across the street. Floor 1 has wives that love sex Floor 2 has wives that love sex and have money Floors 3 through 6 have never been visited... - You are visitor No. 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Thanks Johnny

Tiger shark spotted off the coast of Florida