pwrcrzy52

BEWARE OF THAT UNDERWEAR DUST!!!!!! One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast.' Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!' His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?' She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!! !

LMAO that was funny

Are you aware that a new world record has been set for the HIGH JUMP from a KNEELING position? The record (4 Feet 7-3/4Inches) was set recently on a beach near Montpellier in Southern France . The photograph I am sending you was unfortunately taken just a split second before the jump but it does give you an idea just how it was achieved.

Mine is came from having Hot Rods .i still do a 30 Ford with a 350 cid and 3 two barrels. So pwrcrzy and i was born in 1952-pwrcrzy52.

I am not taking the chance.... It'sNational Flash Your Buddy Day.

The Power of a Badge . . . . . DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish .. . . . On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?" The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs . . . . . "Your badge. Show him your BADGE!" . . . . . .

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life... In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.. When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.

Our prayers are with our friend Chileno . I hope everthing is alright, because of the eathquake down in Chile. Keep us posted please !

An elderly couple, Sam and Bessie are "snowbirds" in Arizona, Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Bessie looks him over, "Nope". Frustrated Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots. Again he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?" Bessie looks up and says, "Sam, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow." Furious, Sam yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS HANGING DOWN, BESSIE?! IT'S HANjGING DOWN BECAUSE IT IS LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!" To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat Sam.... ya shoulda bought a hat".

How to satisfy a woman with 2 1/2 inches?

I'll be gone for a few days. My future son in laws dad passed away. Should be back Wednesday night. So be good .

Dr. Suess books for the older kids

All these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering their online name. These are not made up! Check them out yourself…… 1. 'Who Represents' is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is: www.whorepresents.com 2. 'Experts Exchange' is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at: www.expertsexchange.com 3. Looking for a great pen? Look no further than Pen Island. It can be found at: www.penisland.net 4. Need a therapist? Try 'Therapist Finder' at: www.therapistfinder..com 5. Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator' company. Check it out at: www.powergenitalia.com 6.'IP computer' software, there's always: www.ip_anywhere.com 7. And the designers at 'Speed of Art' await you at their wacky Web site: www.speedofart.com Have a fun day! Just be careful what you name YOUR new web site

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone.." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, ''What happened?" His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat "I do not Have a Headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.." & It Worked! The headaches are all gone.." The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it & Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the Bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes Passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than The First time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back.." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom, She sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's Not My Wife..." & His funeral service will be held on Friday.

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors 1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle. 3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!) 4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin. 5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.. 6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed. 7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.. 8. Make all the noise you want....the neighbors are deaf, too. 9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!! 10. Don't even think about trying it twice. .. . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . . Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!' 'OLD' IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. 'OLD' IS WHEN... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. 'OLD' IS WHEN.... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. 'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police . 'OLD' IS WHEN.. 'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today. 'OLD' IS WHEN.... 'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.. 'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom. 'OLD' IS WHEN.... You're not sure if these are facts or jokes. 'OLD' IS WHEN... (I sent this in large type so you can read it)

Mine is 3 to 5 , depends on the time of day. She says that its ok , but i know it bothers her sometimes.

DEATH OF THE OLD COW Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on, and the car comes to a stop. Nancy , in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur, "You get out and check--you were driving." So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it was old. "You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer," says Nancy . Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face. "My God, what happened to you?" asks Nancy . The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me." "What on earth did you say?" asks Nancy . "I just knocked on the door and when it opened I said to them, "I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."

Yep its a good one

LMAO

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ylRplLnU84#

You Want Me to Do What ?!? One picture is worth a thousand words. The look on the dog's face is priceless. Sometimes we ask too much of our best friends.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HAWAII AND KENTUCKY THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HAWAII AND Hawaii Kentucky IT'S THE COCONUTS.... Any Questions? 'You don't stop laughing when you get old, you get old when you stop laughing'

WINNER OF JOKE OF THE YEAR 2009 Two women were sitting together, quietly.

A TRIP TO COSTCO Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends......it will be their Laugh for the day..