Merlin007

PECANS IN THE CEMETERY
 
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
 
'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
 
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me...'
 
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
 
'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'
 
The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
 
Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'
 
The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?
 
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
 
At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...
 
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

Welcome to the clan BeerGoat!

> Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
> Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. '
> Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
> Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden
> the words went away.'
> Operator: 'Went away?'
> Caller: 'They disappeared. '
> Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
> Caller: 'Nothing.'
> Operator: 'Nothing??'
> Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
> Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
> Caller: 'How do I tell?'
> Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
> Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
> Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
> screen?'
> Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
> anything I type.'
> Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
> Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
> Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a
> TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
> Caller: 'I don't know.'
> Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
> where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
> Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
> Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
> plugged into the wall.
> Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
> Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
> there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
> Caller: 'No.'
> Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again
> and find the other cable.'
> Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
> Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
> into the back of your computer'
> Caller: 'I can't reach.'
> Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
> Caller: 'No.'
> Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
> way over??'
> Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -
> it's because it's dark.'
> Operator: 'Dark??'
> Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I
> have is coming in from the window.
> ' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
> Caller: 'I can't.'
> Operator: 'No? Why not??'
> Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
> Operator: 'A power....... .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it
> licked now.
> Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
> computer came in??'
> Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
> Operator: 'Good Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
> up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store
> you bought it from.'
> Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
> Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
> Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell
> them??'
> Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a
> computer!!!! !'

> Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
> Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. '
> Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
> Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden
> the words went away.'
> Operator: 'Went away?'
> Caller: 'They disappeared. '
> Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
> Caller: 'Nothing.'
> Operator: 'Nothing??'
> Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
> Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
> Caller: 'How do I tell?'
> Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
> Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
> Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
> screen?'
> Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
> anything I type.'
> Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
> Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
> Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a
> TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
> Caller: 'I don't know.'
> Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
> where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
> Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
> Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
> plugged into the wall.
> Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
> Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
> there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??'
> Caller: 'No.'
> Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again
> and find the other cable.'
> Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
> Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
> into the back of your computer'
> Caller: 'I can't reach.'
> Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
> Caller: 'No.'
> Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
> way over??'
> Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -
> it's because it's dark.'
> Operator: 'Dark??'
> Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I
> have is coming in from the window.
> ' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
> Caller: 'I can't.'
> Operator: 'No? Why not??'
> Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
> Operator: 'A power....... .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it
> licked now.
> Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
> computer came in??'
> Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
> Operator: 'Good Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
> up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store
> you bought it from.'
> Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
> Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
> Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell
> them??'
> Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a
> computer!!!! !'

Many years ago int he early 1990's, when I worked at a university computer center, I had a user who said that her 5 1/4" floppy disks worked once, but any time thereafter, they would not read. She brought her PC to the shop and we replaced the drive, tested it, and all was fine. She called in furious a couple of days later saying that the problem was not fixed and that she demanded that someone come over and take a look. When we went to her office, there was a small refrigerator by her desk. Holding the floppies to the fridge was - you guessed it - a magnet. Common sense can not be conferred by a series of letters after your name. You either have it, or you don't.

Welcome to the clan Brimmy>XI<!

Welcome to the clan!

Please help me congratulate Xcaliber and Heffalump on being moved up to the Head Admin position, this was done to help stream line the admin process over in BF3 and hopefully help get the servers hopping again like they were before. Congrats guys!

I do like the option to change the forum background. Nice to change it up once in a while. I made a couple of these images my desktop backgrounds as well. These span my dual display. Good job on the >XI< image whoever did it.
 

Welcome to the forums and the servers. Enjoy and have fun.

Gotta say, pretty impressive job with this new site. Congrats to all who put in time in on this.
 

 
Oh, and the features here are pretty cool as well. Great additions.