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Nice_Guy

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Everything posted by Nice_Guy

  1. General Beers gets his shipment in ...............
  2. Chuck Norris is bad the bobby man checks under his bed
  3. but banging your girl will burn 750 calories
  4. hummmmmm...............didn't see that coming
  5. Saw a picture of Merlin when he was in school.........well the school was on fire and well.............you can see for yourself
  6. A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf.... One got transferred to another city. It wasn't the same without him. A new woman joined their Club. She overheard the guys talking about their golf round.. She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?" The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes',but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man... said it would be okay, but they would be starting early -- at 6:30 a.m. He figured the early tee- time would discourage her. The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said,"Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up at 6:30 sharp, and, playing right-handed, beat all three of them with an eye-opening two-under-par round. She was fun and a pleasant person, and the guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three guys were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They were totally amazed. They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up. They invited her back again, but each man harbored a burning desire to beat her. The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the lady again played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them. The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn't hold a grudge. Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of beers, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?" The lady blushed, and grinned. "That's easy," she said. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed." The guys thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointing straight up?" She said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."
  7. hummmmm...........I know some people like that .......
  8. hummmmm ...............what would happen if she sucked ?
  9. I count myself as an "old" guy lol
  10. hummmmmmmmmmm...................let me think twice about this ......could it be our buddy 2 beers
  11. ok :old " guys hope you get a good laugh out of this
  12. In one of our many FFA battles I once heard someone yell at Beers " SHOW ME YOUR WAR FACE"..........................This was the screen shot I got of Mr Beers.........and then he gassed and knife me
  13. An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily. 'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?' The girl, crying, replied, 'Dad... I became a prostitute.' 'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'... 'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.' 'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad. Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.' 'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!!
  14. Some things are easier said than done. Have you ever thought about what you would do if you found out that your spouse or significant other was cheating on you? While this is not a fun topic to think about, it’s hard to not let the “what if” thought cross your mind. Chances are, you have thought about this and you have a game plan in your back pocket. You may just up and leave, or you may get so angry that you seek revenge on him/her. And oftentimes your ideal plan doesn’t go the way you expected and you end up doing the opposite. It happens. One man did something quite different when he discovered that his wife had been cheating on him while he was away. He wrote a note to the guy she was cheating with, and this is what is said… To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes, I know. No, I am not angry, I would just ask a few things of you. After all, you are giving it to my wife. 1.Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old. 2. You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer.It is fine if you have a couple while you visit (god knows I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you. 3. If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up. 4. Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason, my 5-year-old son believes if it is not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink unless you can recommend a better spot? 5. After doing my wife please use something disposable to wipe off with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing, I run out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty(thanks). 6. Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not mentally challenged. 7. Please stop turning the heat up, You pay nothing and electric company is putting it in my ass, my wife may like it but I think it hurts. 8.When she asks “do these pants make me look fat,” say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in. 9.Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share. 10.Try shifting your weight when you sit on my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too)has a grove in it that forces me to roll to the left. Lastly, I would like to thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only ordered one meal. I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become awkward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don’t feel rushed.
  15. "I told her she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised."
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