People who eat Tide Pods are idiots.
The Costco brand pods are half the price. Just saying.
Two idiots go on a fishing trip
They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their holiday, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home, they're really depressed.
One guy turns to the other and says "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us $1,500!"
The other guy says "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
An idiot has a mirror in his closet
He wakes up one night and opens the closet and he sees himself. Scared, he quickly calls the cops
"Police! There's a burglar in my closet, come quickly!"
A police man arrives at the idiots house and opens the closet and finds the mirror. He takes a step back and slaps the idiot as hard as he can
"Why did you call me when you already had a policeman inside?!"
Two idiots are building a house
They just finished the framing and are starting to nail siding on to the house. While one holds the siding,the other drives the nails into it.
The guy holding the siding watches as his buddy with the hammer picks up a nail out if the box, hammers it in, picks up another nail out if the box, throws it over his shoulder, picks up a nail from the box, nails it in, picks up another nail, and throws it over his shoulder, and repeats the process.
"What are you doing? You're throwing away half the nails we bought." Asks the guy holding up the siding.
"I can't use them," answers his buddy with the hammer "they're pointed on the wrong end."
"You idiot!" Exclaims his partner, "those are for the other side of the house!"
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
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One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there."
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He looked up into the sky and asked, "God, is that you?"
"No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink manager."
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My wife was scrolling through Twitter and says, "wow, some people are fucking idiots!"
I replied, "I know, I'm one of them"
Bush, Trump, and Hillary are all on a plane...
Bush says, "I could throw this 100$ bill out the window and make someone happy". Trump, with a smug look on his face replies and says, "I could throw ten 10$ bills out the window and make 10 people happy". Hillary smirks and says "oh yeah, I could throw one hundred 1$ bills out the window and make 100 people happy". Then the pilot says to the co-pilot, "I could throw all 3 of these fucking idiots out the window and make millions of people happy".
A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel
An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks
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