Need your help, it's kicking off

[RobMc]

Due to apparent trouble from somewhere called Russia they're thinking of bringing back conscription in the UK. I jumped straight in, I've always wanted to dye for my country, but I've been rejected, apparently 'purple is out'? I offered myself to the SAS, and was told you need to have incredible skills, well those of you who played against me know that? My cv describing my Call of Duty experience was laughed at. 

Does my dedication and mouse finger not count in the defence of my country?

I feel slighted, so I ask you all (Basil excepted) to tell the UK government that Rob is an asset, not an ass which they described me as

Can the older members not remember the posters 'Your Country needs you'?

I'm gutted I can't fight

[RobMc]

Update

Another bulletin from the gov saying we need to be ready to March, ffs it's only just September?? and Rob lays low in the winter. We've been told to stock up on food and water (true) so I bought an extra pot noodle this week and a bottle of pop, result.

Broke out the old GAT air pistols ready in case I need to hunt, corks are looking a bit 'crusty' but a splash of WD 40 should do the trick. When those Commies appear in the street Rob will be ready, don't you worry England, I've got your back.

Now where did I put that longbow?

[Key53]

9 minutes ago, RobMc said:

Update

Another bulletin from the gov saying we need to be ready to March, ffs it's only just September?? and Rob lays low in the winter. We've been told to stock up on food and water (true) so I bought an extra pot noodle this week and a bottle of pop, result.

Broke out the old GAT air pistols ready in case I need to hunt, corks are looking a bit 'crusty' but a splash of WD 40 should do the trick. When those Commies appear in the street Rob will be ready, don't you worry England, I've got your back.

Now where did I put that longbow?

Rob I will ship you a box of Ramon noodles to hold you over.

 

[RobMc]

6 hours ago, Key53 said:

Rob I will ship you a box of Ramon noodles to hold you over.

 

You're a star Key, you ok my old mate?? What's Ramon noodles??

I fear it's getting serious though, headlines this morning that Bonds are crashing, hope James 007 is ok, and his Aston Martin is in one piece.

Being up half the night as normal I googled 'Russia', wow their leader is named Vlad, I never trusted Vlad's since the impaler, looks like our safety is once more at stake. (And if you don't get that you need an education). It's a big country with a huge population, old blighty may have bitten off more than she can chew - again. Never fear, Rob will devise a cunning plan that will once more let us become a great nation.

Apparently Vlad wants to reclaim all the countries lost when they had a big empire, so we'll do the same. He's started on a country in Europe, so our counter attack will be to start on a similar vein, though smaller scale.

Look out the Pitcairn Islands, we're coming

Edited 2 hours ago by RobMc

[RobMc]

Things are hotting up, I’ve formed a civil defence committee with some of the locals to fend off Vlads hordes. Bit of mixed luck, Jenny in no.23 apparently is looking forward to being raped by some big strong Russian boys, not surprising if you saw her, I still think she’s dreaming, he’d have to be desperate.

Mrs Boyle at no.7 has offered to bake some of her infamous ‘rock cakes’ and never has a patisserie been so aptly named. Her husband, Gummy Boyle is supplying the currants from his pet rabbits, good lad Gummy. When they’re pelted with these a surrender is guaranteed.

Jack at no.12 is down for the smoke screen, he has stocked up with ‘Old Shag’ for his pipe.

Someone suggested making bunkers, not sure about this one but I’ve emailed Donald for suggestions and ordered 10 tons of sand. Apparently some of his golf courses have great ones?

We’re getting there, slowly but surely
 

[MikelMahou]

Dear Rob!

I think you will more usefull for your country, if that situation with Russia comes finally, doing what you do better! that is an very underrated mission today: "Testing Quality of Beer served to British Troppers, and of course taking care about female prissioners underweae conditions."

if you do that for your Country i have no doubts, you will became "SIR" called by Charles King himself (He is a real lover of both things right?).

And in the rare exception they dont take you seriously, i can talk some friends in the Foreigns Special Task of  Drunkers, where we got already a lot British Volunteers in the Costa Del Sol and Benidorm and Plama de Mallorca and Magaluf!!!!