You don't know me but I want to share something with you. This comes from my devotional and i think it is appropriate.
" You are MINE for all time; nothing can separate you from MY love. Since I have invested MY very life in you, be well assured that I will also take care of you. When your mind goes into neutral and your thoughts flow freely, you tend to feel anxious and alone. Your focus becomes problem solving. To get your mind back into gear, just turn toward ME, bringing yourself and your problems into MY PRESENCE. Many problems vanish instantly in the LIGHT of MY LOVE, because you realize you are never alone. Other problems may remain, but they become secondary to knowing ME and rejoicing in the relationship I freely offer you. Each moment you can chose to practice MY PRESENCE or practice the presence of problems."
It took me a while to acknowledge this and to LET GO AND LET GOD. There are things we do not understand but even the bad things we do, HE turns it into a good outcome. Nothing is wasted when we walk close to HIM. Also, when it is time..it is time... We need to trust GOD. Not sure if you really have talked to HIM. It is a free gift you know. It is an open invitation... Hope you do not take this negatively. I have been there too but now GOD has shown me the big picture. You are in my prayers.