mickvette

this is unbelievable, you ned to watch thru to the slow motion replays, amazing http://www.wimp.com/fastestgunman/

A man approaches a young woman in a shop. he says: "I can't find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes?" the woman says: "sure, but do you have any idea where your wife is?" "Not a clue" he says "but whenever I talk to a woman with tits like yours she appears out of nowhere!"

jeez those were quick replies, only just posted

A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I?"

A Banker's Perspective A banker parks his brand-new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off. More than a little distraught, the banker grabs his cell phone and calls the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: "My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters, it'll simply never be the same again!' After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust. "I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Bankers are," he says. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life." "How can you say such a thing at a time like this?" sobs the Porsche owner. The policeman replies, "Didn't you realise that your arm was torn off when the truck hit you?" The Banker looks down in horror. "BLOODY HELL!" he screams. "Where's my Rolex?"

Glad you all enjoyed, another post on its way!

The Man Rules At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules" From the female side.... Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE) 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday sports or news, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one 1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Captain Cook did NOT need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Cars. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

LaRSin great Mick lol so does this grant me immunity from the Larsin tubes...

I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it's great! She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since she had the first beating! A farmer gets a phone call from his son. I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive...shoot it says the farmer, and then bury it....about 20mins later he gets another call..."done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?" News report. The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya. They sent in 3 ships - 2 full of sand and one full of cement, it was a mortar attack. The missus asked if she pleased me in bed? I said "yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth." . . . "What trick?" she asked? "The one where you shut up and go to sleep!" Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship... she replied "Always wear one's seatbelt and don't piss me off!"

Hi Ron, I was on Chieftain, Challenger 1 (great shoot em up on the Basra Road back in 91!), Challenger 2 (best tank in the world bar NONE! ) plus recon, Scorpion (76mm gun) and Scimitar (30mm cannon). I also was a gunner on M60A1 in Fort Bliss Texas back in 1980, when we were on an exchange tour with 3 ACR. Now I just enjoy the killing fields of COD4

Might try that PT-Bama and see what happens. chris, tho my connection speed isn't great, at best I get a 2.5mb download speed, my ping rate is generally good, average 105 - 130, which, talking to others here, Rockape etc, is a bonus as he is on a far better connection speed but has a much higher ping rate, very strange

maybe just a problem my end (ooops ) but has anyone else had these problems lately? 1. 'Setting up game' stays on for ages, up to 3 minutes sometimes 2. Keep getting that 'reliable command cycled out' even on old maps 3. The 'Waiting for server to load new map' stays on for ages (as with Setting up game), often followed by the reliable command error. I have been getting this for a couple of weeks now, and can't find any connection problems, other than bloody slow in this part of the UK, but that didn't seem to be a problem before. Any ideas or solutions welcomed!

Personally I tyhink the idea is good, but does need some refining. I have found that sometimes, if you go back to the spot you left, the Camper prompt comes up, also should not happen when you are pinned down in a hail of fire, as happened to me last nite! I was behind a crate with at least 2 firing at me when the Camper warnign appeared, so do I just run out and get killed? Generally tho, I think it does make the game run faster, and improves fire and movement, which as any ex soldier will know, is the ethics of any battlefield action (ex tanker here!)

ahhh that explains it, I was just about to post that there was a problem...miss Extreme, hopefully more will join in when it's back in service

hope there's someone in tonite, will be checking

why does nobody seem to play this any more? I have been in loads over the last few days and nobody seems to be playing it, to my mind way better than Ace Mod, be a shame to lose it , especially as there was so little camping going on when it was being used

anyone who, like me, loves their cars and everything car orientated, will just love this!! Enjoy

great, thanks Rugger

So what's happened to it? Now changed to a locked scrim server

hey what's happened to the Extreme Mod? I noticed nobody's been playing for a few days, now it's gone completely. I thought this was the best game set up ever, is it returning?

greywolf2 Damn when i asked whats for dinner all i get is a slap to the back of the head..... does that come with gravy...

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.." That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.. So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response. So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?" (I just love this) "Ralph,... for the f**ken FIFTH time,... CHICKEN!"

just been on the Ace Mod tonite, now I know why I really love the new extreme mod!! Never seen so much camping! Went to spectator mode, at one point 7 players, 4 doing nothing but camp the whole frickin' time! aarrrrggghhhhh come om people, let's get more playing this mod, and no camping

totally agree, I love Ace mod, but this is even better. Yes it is a little slower but I can live with that (sorry bigmeandean, I know you love that speed thrill ), all the extras more than make up for the slightly slower speed. Still confuzed as how how to fly the chopper tho, on the odd occasion I get one, I always crash

X-RayXI What do you get with 7 deaths in a row? now that's the way forward, especially the way I'm playing these days