JohnnyDos

You just need the basic game.get it on U Play

Or was it " pull out of the goats" ??

This was in my local paper.

You missed this one by them: I want a girl with a mind like a diamond I want a girl who knows what's best I want a girl with shoes that cut And eyes that burn like cigarettes I want a girl with the right allocations Who's fast and thorough And sharp as a tack She's playing with her jewelry She's putting up her hair She's touring the facility And picking up slack I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket...... I want a girl who gets up early I want a girl who stays up late I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity Who uses a machete to cut through red tape With fingernails that shine like justice And a voice that is dark like tinted glass

Florida A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, Enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, Then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" And pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go." The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back. "Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper. Georgia The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings." Louisiana A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ." When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world." Mississippi The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" B ubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number." South Carolina A man in South Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither." Tennessee (My Favorite!) A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?" Texas The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head." "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' " Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, But y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.

Mitch Ryder at Rockpalast 1979 Germany

Growing old in Windsor,ON. SOB,but I like the joke,in fact I also have that one saved in my favorites pics folder and was going to use it one day, but you beat me to it.

Better haircut

PLEASE NO!!!

What about corn poop?

Published on Dec 18, 2008 A very special tribute to Felix Pappalardi. Jack Bruce on vocals and bass, and Leslie West on guitar. This slideshow was only possible by the creative and magical work of MISTYB2008. Check her profile, she's a super-talent. Thank you Misty for giving us Mountain and Jack Bruce fans something to enjoy for many years to come. This song is off Leslie West's rare "Theme" album. Leslie West and Jack Bruce got together on a Howard Stern radio appearance in 1988, where they played an inter-continental version of "Theme From An Imaginary Western." Bruce in England, West in Stern's NYC studio. Once they were done, they knew they had to record one last album together. This is that album. Jack actually wrote the song. This song was Jack's favorite song that he ever wrote, but Clapton hated it... just couldn't get a feel for it. Leslie loved it, and Bruce gave it to Mountain to record... and the rest is history. When the wagons leave the city For the forest and futher on Painted wagons of the morning Dusty roads where they have gone Sometimes travelin´ through the darkness Met the summer comin' home Fallen faces by the wayside Look as if they might have known All the sun was in their eye And the desert that´s dry In the country town Where the laughter sound Oh the dancing and the singing Oh the music when they play Oh the fire that they started All the girls with no regret Sometimes they found it Sometimes they kept it Ofen lost it on the way Fought each other to posses it Sometimes die in sight of day Oh the sun was in their eye And the desert that´s dry In the country town where the laughter sound

Who am I but you and the sun A sad reflection in everyone Was it me who let you walk away? Were you the one Or is it we're the same What are we in time going by The simple story of a younger life Happy dreams and somehow through the day We haven't come so far to lose our way Look at me, I believe it's true You're a part of me, I'm a part of you Love is only what we come to knew The waking, breathing and all with you A crystal passing reflected in our eyes Eclipsing all the jealousy and lies Look at me, can't you see it's true You're a part of me, I'm a part of you Quiet as the voices in a dream Without two shadows the things I've seen Remember the evening I let you walk away Were you the one Or is it we're the same Look at me, i believe it's true You're a part of me, I'm a part of you

HXTR is a lot smarter than the clan members give him credit for.Great clip Hxtr. :yes :thumbsup:

I didn't post anything.????I watched your video and I've seen him do that show before.

Shave my wife, I'm going down for the last time. LOL

Good to hear that 2Many Beers,congratulations.

YOU WIN.

The words of wisdom are so true. GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats... 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always Catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap. GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. ATT00132.jpg GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD: 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there. 4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone. THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. SUCCESS: At age 4 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . Having friends. At age 17 success is . . . Having a driver's license. At age 35 success is . . . Having money. At age 50 success is . . . Having money. At age 70 success is . . . Having a drivers license. At age 75 success is . . . Having friends. At age 80 success is . . . Not piddling in your pants.

BBC News - Suicide Bombers Go On Strike! Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Aloud Bang told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the groin". Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Aisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up." Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway. According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of American Democrat Hillary Clinton. Many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit package.