Cross's Joke Of The Day

[Cross]

Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery.

"Oh, no," said the priest, thinking of the most promiscuous women in town. "Was it with Marie Brown?"

"I'd rather not say who it was."

"Was it with Betty Smith?"

"I'd rather not say," says Joe. So the priest gives him absolution and Joe leaves. While leaving the church, Joe's friend asks if he received absolution.

"Yes, and two very good leads!

[TBB]

Keep up the good jokes.

[Cross]

Two ladies, a Yankee and a Southern Belle, are sitting next to each other on a plane. The Southern Belle turns to the Yankee and asks, "So, where y'all from?"

The Yankee replies, "I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition."

Without missing a beat, the Southern Belle bats her lashes and asks,

 

 

"So, where y'all from, bitch?"

Edited January 16, 2013 by Cross

[JACKO:)]

[Cross]

A woman asks the

pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms. The pharmacist replies, "Yes, would you like to buy one?"

The woman says,

 

 

"No, but do you mind if I stand here and wait to see if anyone buys one?"

[Cross]

A guy orders spaghetti in a restaurant. In the middle of eating he finds a hair in his food.

He says to the waiter, "I'm not paying for this dirty meal," and walks out.

The waiter watches the guy go into a whorehouse. The waiter waits about 10 minutes, bursts through the door and finds the guy with his face buried in pussy.

The waiter says, "You eat pussy and complain about one hair in your spaghetti."

The man replies,

 

 

"Yeah, and if I find any spaghetti in this pussy, I'm not paying for it either."

[Cross]

There were three restaurants on the same block.

One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City."



The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World."



On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said

 

 

 

"The Best Restaurant on this Block."

[Cross]

A student is talking to his teacher.

Student: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"

Teacher:" Of course not."

Student: "Good, because I haven't done my homework!

[Cross]

A grey goose walks into a bar and says" I'd like a scotch on the rocks."
The bartender looks at the goose funny, but goes to get him his drink
anyway. The bartender continues to look at the goose so the goose asks,
"Hey, what's your deal?
Why do you keep looking at me like that?" The bartender says, "Besides
the fact that you are a talking goose? Well I actually have a drink
named after you.
 

 

The grey goose replies, "You have a drink named Ron?

[Cross]

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight," he said.
That evening the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it-

 

 

-to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"

[Cross]

Prison vs. Work

-- In prison, you spend the majority of your time in an

8' X 10' cell. At work, you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8'

cubicle.

 

 

 

-- In prison, you get three meals a day. At work, you get 30 minutes for a meal you buy or bring yourself.

 

 

 

--In prison, you get time off for good behavior. At work, good behavior is rewarded with more work.

 

 

 

-- In prison, they allow your family and friends to visit. At work, even personal calls are disallowed.

 

 

 

-- In prison, all expenses are paid by taxpayers. At work, you are the taxpayer.

 

 

 

-- In prison, everyone knows when you drop the soap. At work, everyone knows when you drop the ball.

 

 

 

--In prison, you spend most of your time waiting to get out from behind

bars. At work, you spend most of your time waiting to go into the bars.

 

 

 

--In prison, there are sadistic wardens. At work, there are managers.

 

 

 

-- In prison, you can get shivved. At work, you get shafted.

[Cross]

A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril.

He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well."

The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."