little_old_man

You? Not so much. But I missed seeing that outstanding signature you have.

You're just like my wife Harry. She says that giving them makes her feel better too. You didn't actually think I was going to let that one go did you?

Those 3 probably butt rape each other daily. My wife is the only person I allow to do unspeakable things to me.

Congrats to you all. Welcome to the zoo.

Old People Sex.............. An elderly husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it well." OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the second time she attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."

Actually jacking off makes you go blind. Just ask any nun at a catholic school, she'll give you the hard facts.

There is no cure for the common cold, regardless of what those commercials say on TV. I find that large amounts of sex works the best. It doesn't shorten the duration of the cold, but who the fuck cares when you're having sex?

RIP XP. It was by far the best OS they made. Simple to use and without all of the bullshit bells and whistles that their OS's have had since then that few use and nobody wanted. Microsoft is doing the same thing to people as Apple by forcing upgrades every few years, just on a much much larger scale. Personally I'd rater be taken advantage of by MS than Apple.

It looks like you're ready for deer, or the zombie apocalypse.

Congratulations Lost ! It must be nice having grand kids. You get to watch your kids suffer like you did at their age, and you get to spoil the heck out of the baby.

If you can afford to live out here, there are plenty of jobs in your line of work here in California. Silicon Valley has about the lowest unemployment in the nation, but a small apartment will cost you around $2,500 a month.

I'm afraid it would be kind of cold for my nuts.

Any time son. Now remember, they're airplanes not anime porn, you can't rub one out to little airplanes.

Come on Logan, he has enough trouble understanding English. Don't confuse him even more than he alread is.

Wow, that's amazing. Talk about simplicity.

Perhaps something like this?

For Window's next birthday we're all pitching in and buying him a blood transfusion so he won't have to be a blood relative of Bullet's any longer.

The planes on the map only show up there because they are transmitting their transponder data, and supposedly the Malaysian jet turned theirs off before "whatever" happened.

You're welcome.

Congrats Devildog! Welcome to the dark side where you get access to all of the best hacks.

I live about 60 miles north of the San Francisco and Oakland airports, so I'm always seeing jets on final approach and wondering how high they are and where they're coming from. Yeah, we live sad lives Lunkster.

Sorry I missed it Johnny. My brother in law sent it to me last night and I thought it was pretty cool.

Are you ever outside and look up at the sky to see a jet flying over your house and wondered where it's going or where it's coming from? Now you can look it up in real time. http://www.flightradar24.com/ It works all over the world and shows every plane in the air, at least the ones with working transponders. Just zoom in on your area and click on one of the little plane icons. The gold icons update every few seconds and the darker icons every 5 minutes.