Wizid,i know to an extent how you feel. I lost a brother to suicide. But i can also say that i see the view from the other side. Ive been in the same situation your son was, and im very sorry to hear what happend. but i have been on the edge times before. I suffer from chronic depression, and honestly im not looking for any sympathy but at one point i had the gun and i even pulled the trigger, but the firing pin misfired. I have learned that it is all very hard but you were his hero and you can not blame yourself for anyhting. and maybe that was a sign seeing rayray on. I hope you are ok man keep strong ! and your in my thoughts brother.