Ruso bro, to try and help suicidal people when you are depressed, or on the edge , is like an alcoholic working at a vodka factory.It only validates the negatives that you also see. If you were over your state this subject wouldn't even be brought up by you. I know this isn't psych 4 forum but nobody in >XI< wants to see anyone hurt or fail no matter--I know all these guy's and gals and they ALL care or they wouldn't be taking their time to write anything if they didn't--so.... +#1
#2 quit wallowing in it and surround yourself with positive people. Positive people tend to associate with positive people and bring each other up, and vice versa.
You have many things that are great but you focus on what you don't or "should" have. It is a process but just try and think about when something makes you feel bad--which is where your brain will go directly when a problem arises, and divert it--think about what a good thing that --maybe this happened to test me and see if I can overcome this....and you will, and the more you do that the easier it becomes. To try and make others feel better when you hurt ,is temporary, but to make yourself feel better so as to help other people, will change everyone's life.