MTNMAN52

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go? Wonder no more ! ! ! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: "Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow." You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you? It's so easy to fool OLD people. I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!!! Oh quit whining I fell for it, too.

I was in the Texas Rose Bar last night waiting for a beer, when a butt-ugly girl came up behind me, and slapped me on the butt. She said, “Hey sexy, how about giving me your number.” I looked at her and said, ”Have you got a pen.” She said, “ I sure do." I said, “ Well, you better get back into it before the farmer notices you’re missing.” My dental surgery is on Monday.

EATING IN THE FIFTIES AND EARLY SIXTIES Pasta had note been invented. It was macaroni or spaghetti. Curry was a surname. A take-away was a mathematical problem. Pizza? Sounds like a leaning tower somewhere. Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time. All chips were plain. Rice was a milk pudding, and never, ever part of our dinner. A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining. Brown bread was something only poor people ate. Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking. Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green. Cubed sugar was regarded as posh. Chickens didn't have fingers in those days. None of us had ever heard of yogurt. Healthy food consisted of anything edible. Cooking outside was called camping. Seaweed was not a recognized food. 'Kebab' was not even a word, never mind a food. Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded as being white gold. Prunes were medicinal. Surprisingly muesli was readily available. It was called cattle feed. Pineapples came in chunks in a tin; we had only ever seen a picture of a real one. Water came out of the tap. If someone had suggested bottling it and charging more than gasoline for it they would have become a laughing stock. The one thing that we never ever had on/at our table in the fifties...was elbows or hats!

I've disconnected my home alarm system and unregistered from the Neighborhood Watch. I've got a Pakistani flag raised in one corner of the front yard and Yemen flag at the other corner as well as the black flag of ISIS in the center. The local police, OPP, RCMP, CSIS, Homeland Security and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7. I've never felt more safe and I'm saving $49.95 a month.

An Ad from 1964 - when WD40 was first released... And not an innuendo in sight . . .

Why I'll never win on Wheel of Fortune... Apparently, the correct answer is “LUCK BE IN THE AIR TONIGHT”……. Who knew?

Check out these video's on YouTube:

A WHITE GUY IS WALKING ALONG A BEACH WHEN HE COMES ACROSS A LAMP PARTIALLY BURIED IN THE SAND. HE PICKS UP THE LAMP AND GIVES IT A RUB. TWO BLONDE GENIES APPEAR, AND THEY TELL HIM HE HAS BEEN GRANTED THREE WISHES. THE GUY MAKES HIS THREE WISHES AND THE BLONDE GENIES DISAPPEAR. THE NEXT THING THE GUY KNOWS, HE'S IN A BEDROOM, IN A GOLF-COURSE MANSION , SURROUNDED BY 50 BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.. AFTER HE MAKES LOVE TO ALL OF THEM, HE BEGINS TO EXPLORE THIS FABULOUS HOUSE.. SUDDENLY HE FEELS SOMETHING SOFT UNDER HIS FEET, HE LOOKS DOWN AND THE FLOOR IS COVERED IN $100 BILLS. THEN, THERE'S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR. HE ANSWERS IT AND STANDING THERE ARE TWO PERSONS DRESSED IN KU KLUX KLAN OUTFITS. THEY DRAG HIM OUTSIDE TO THE NEAREST TREE, THROW A ROPE OVER A LIMB AND HANG HIM BY THE NECK UNTIL HE'S DEAD. AS THE KLANSMEN ARE WALKING AWAY, THEY REMOVE THEIR HOODS. IT'S THE TWO BLONDE GENIES. ONE BLONDE GENIE SAYS TO THE OTHER ONE, 'I CAN UNDERSTAND THE FIRST WISH HAVING ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN A BIG MANSION TO MAKE LOVE TO. I CAN ALSO UNDERSTAND HIM WANTING TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. BUT WHY HE WANTED TO BE HUNG LIKE A BLACK GUY IS BEYOND ME.'

Classical talent !

Well Done Guinness!! This is a great commercial and message. Usually beer commercials are full of goofy characters and funny gags, but this one carries an important message. Guinness "Empty Chair" salutes the character of a community as they honor one of their own who is out of sight, but not out of mind. They remind us that a true test of character is what you do when no one's looking. https://www.youtube.com/embed/rx0MRawkrj4

This is my Favorite Movie Line....... http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=bob+hope+zombie&FORM=VIRE2#view=detail&mid=BEF6DC9F8FEC5BD48BD5BEF6DC9F8FEC5BD48BD5 LOL

A definition of globalization that I can understand... Question: ​W​hat is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess ​ ​D​iana's​ death.​ ​ Question: How's that? Answer : An​ E​nglish Princess​ with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes​ in a French tunnel, riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven​ by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling), followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, ​ ​ using Brazilian medicines. This is sent to you by a Canadian, using American Bill Gates' technology,​ ​ and you're probably reading this on your computer, that​ uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian truck drivers, ​ hijacked by Indonesians, ​unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexicans who ​ are in the US illegally because the current president, born in Kenya and educated as a Muslim in Indonesia​ ​ refuses to enforce US law. That, my friends, is Globalization !

1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it. 2. We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes. 3. Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS. 4. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband. 5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Coors, Fosters, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

• How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. • Venison for dinner again? Oh, deer! • A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy. • I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. • Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes. • England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. • I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. • They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a type-O. • I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. • I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. • This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. • When chemists die, they barium. • PMS jokes aren't funny...period • Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. • We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz. • I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. • Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? • When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. • Broken pencils are pointless.

The phone rings, and the wife answers. A pervert, breathing heavily, says, "I bet you have a tight ass with no hair." Woman replies, "Yes I do, he's watching TV - whom shall I say is calling?"

After only 4 Hours i told them everything i know................

Imaginative http://www.chonday.com/Videos/biketruload2#.U8avtmaMqKk.email This guy has some serious biking skills. Incredible http://www.chonday.com/Videos/bubikelo2#.U8aw81P6J0U.email A guy in India loads his motorcycle on top of a bus. Inventive http://www.chonday.com/Videos/movetaiwn2#.U8awGf2e7Rg.email Taiwan movers get super creative when loading a truck. These movers come prepared for anything they might encounter.

I didn't see this coming!!!! Always keep your weapons stored securely . . . https://www.youtube.com/embed/qKHeXC7L85s?rel=0