Okay, I've spoken to a message therapist, an attorney, sheep herder and many others and holy shit did they come up with some ideas! This group went far and deep, the only real solution they came up with, besides the anal probe idea, which I don't buy into. Again, requires someone's assistance,and buddy that's not the kind of assistance you want in your life. I'm talking serious space invasion, like the Space Invaders game, they just keep coming man.
The best idea from this group was this, and the cheapest I might add too. There's no doctor, I repeat no doctor! They suggest you have some piercing done to both sides of your scalp, in a fashion so that the two pieces can comfortably hold in place on your head. What great idea!