TBB

My first time buying condoms at age 16 I went to the pharmacy. The hot cashier at the counter could see that I was new at it and gave me the pack asking if I knew how to use one. I said, "No, it's my first time." She took one out, put it on her thumb, and told me to make sure it was on tight. I still looked confused. She looked around the store to see if it was empty and it was. "Just a minute," she said, and locked the door. She led me to the back room, took off her shirt and bra. You like these?" I could only nod my head. She said to put the condom on. As I was putting it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down. "Come on," she said, "we don't have much time." So I climbed on her. It was so amazing that I couldn't hold back and KAPOW, I was done in two minutes! She looked at me concerned and asked "Did you put the condom on?" I said, "I sure did!" and held up my thumb to show her. She fainted.

President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried; "my people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!" "Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President. "I do need your help," said Yeltsin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Clinton. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Yeltsin. "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Yeltsin. "No problem," replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favor....you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia." "Consider it done," said the President of Trojan. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL' on each one.

Why is a woman like a condom? They both spend more time in your wallet than on your penis. Two condoms are walking down the street and stop outside of a gay bar. The first condom turns to the second and says, “Do you want to go in and get shit-faced?” A man is riding on a train and is carrying 3 babies. The lady next to him asks "are they your babies?" The man lowers his head and says "no, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints."

You think seven years bad luck for breaking a mirror is bad? Try breaking a condom… I said to the wife last night as we were getting into bed, “That box of Olympic condoms arrived today. I think I’ll wear gold tonight.” She said, “Why don’t you wear silver and come second for once?” What’s worse than finding a hole in your condom? Finding a condom in your hole. These three rednecks were sitting around one day, comparing their wives to see who had the dumbest. The first redneck said, ‘My wife’s so dumb, she bought a toilet, and we don’t even have running water.’ The second said, ‘That’s nothing! Mine bought a ceiling fan, and we don’t even have electricity.’ The third said, ‘Aw, that’s nothing! I was goin’ through my wife’s purse for some whisky money t’other night and found a box of condoms. And you know what? She ain’t even got a penis!’ This guy goes to the drug store with his young son. As they walk past the condom display, the boy notices them and asks his Dad, “What are these, Dad?” The man doesn’t believe in hiding things from his son and thinks his son is old enough to learn about such things so he says, “They are called condoms. Men use them for safe sex.” The boy looks at the display and notices there are packs of three condoms. He points to them and says, “Why are there three in those packets?” The Dad replies, “Those are for high-school boys – there’s one for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.” “Cool!” says the boy, who then notices there are packs of six condoms and asks his Dad, “Then who are the packets of six for?” The Dad answers, “Those are for college men. There are two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday.” “Wow!” said the boy, “Then who uses THESE?” as he picked up a twelve-pack. The Dad sighs sadly and says, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March … There’s nothing worse than looking down after sex and seeing that limp, used condom hanging off your penis. Especially when you weren’t wearing one when you began. A young married couple had just finished having sex. The woman asked her husband, “If I got pregnant, what would we call the baby?” He took off his condom and tied a knot in it. Then he flushed it down the toilet and said, “Well, if he can get out of that, we’ll call him Houdini.” A young couple had just finished having fantastic sex. Afterwards, the young woman looked in the box of condoms and saw that there were only six left out of the original twelve. She asked her boyfriend, “What happened to the five other condoms?” He rather nervously and shiftily replied, “Errmm, I masturbated with them.” The next day the woman went to one of her male friends and told him what had happened. Then she said to him, “Have you ever done that?” He replied, “Yeah, a few times.” She said, “You mean you’ve actually masturbated with a condom before?” “Oh!” he said, “I thought you were asking if I’d ever lied to my girlfriend.”

Cover your stump before you hump. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper. Don't be silly, protect your willy. Don't be a prick, Cover your dick When in doubt, shroud your spout. Cover your skin, Before you break her in Don't be a loner, cover your boner. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick. If you go into heat, package your meat. Before you tap it cap it Especially in December, gift wrap your member. Wrap it before you Tap it Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool. Before you dig for those Pearls, cover your Jewel. The right selection! Protect your erection. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil. If you really love her, wear a cover. Don't make a mistake! Muzzle your snake. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener. Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker. Bag it before you tag it! If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket. No glove, No love. Don't be in such a jiffy, cover your stiffy. If you go into heat, package your meat While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis A crank with armor, will never harm her If you think she'll sigh, cover old one eye Even If she's eager, protect her beaver Put a condom on your dink before you dart it in her sink Cloak the joker before you poke her Encase that torch before you paint her porch Don't surprise her plug your Geyser Cover that lumber before you pump her Cage that snake then shake and bake Cover your peter it will be much neater Put on the sling before you get some bling!

ROFLMFAO

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore, a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.

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