NickTheGrip

Happy birthday Dude Hope you have many more

Some new ones (maybe posted before, but I am an idiot so who cares!!!) Remember, light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak Remember, if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off Life is not like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of Jalapeno peppers. What you today might burn your ass tomorrow Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm Remember, half the people you know are below average Change is inevitable, except from vending machines Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience I asked God for a new bicycle, but I know he doesn't work like that, so I stole one and asked for forgiveness Sex is not the answer, Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. Going to church does not make you a christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car We live in a society where a pizza can get to your house faster than the police can The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it is still on the list Men have two emotions - horny and hungry. If you see him without a hard-on, make him a sandwich My mother never saw the irony of calling me a "son-of-a-bitch" The evening news is where they start by saying "good evening" then spend an hour telling why it isnt Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity If sex is a pain in the ass you are doing it wrong If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that means 1 person enjoys it A Bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can first prove that you don't need it I thought I wanted a career, but it seems I only wanted paychecks Never, under any circmumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night Whenever I fill out a form and it asks for en emergency contact, I put "Doctor". What's my mother going to do? A computer can beat me at chess but it is no match at kick boxing The sole purpose of a child's middle name is to determine when he/she is in trouble God must love stupid people. He made so many Some people say, if you can't beat them, join them. I say if you can't beat them, beat them, because they will be expecting you to join them and you will have the element of surprise Why do Americans choose from 2 people for president but 50 for Miss America Crowded Elevators smell very different to midgets You don't need a parachute to skydive, you need a parachute to skydive more than once We have enough gun control. What we need is moron control When in doubt, mumble I discovered that I scream the exact same way if I am about to be eaten by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my leg Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole I should have known that it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and I. After all. I am a Libra and she is a complete bitch Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat There is a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away You are never too old to learn something stupid When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the Fire department usually uses water I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often. With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score

that is so politically incorrect, it's even more hilarious

JohnnyDos I vote daily and post my vote # on CHAT BOX.To show proof. me too

Good one 3rd

WTG 3rd. I am tracking you but I just cant keep up you god damn whore!!!

LOL

LOL

I am glad my wife doesn't have this hobby. I don't think the ceiling or the floor could take it

they should be lifetime members I got some too Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it. My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving." I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...

nice one

Nice one

Nice one

I was wondering when the Swedish Chef would make an appearance!!!!

A trucker goes into a whorehouse and hands the Madam five hundred dollars. He says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich." The Madam says, "For that kind of money, you could have one of my finest girls and surf and turf." The trucker says, "I ain't horny, I'm homesick."

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN: Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice for, ply, accessorize, leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl, show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl, shower, shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag about, acquiesce, aromatize, fuse, fizz, rationalize, detoxify, sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept, butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead, borrow, steal, climb, swim, nurse, resuscitate, repair, patch, crazy-glue, respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise, deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine, cajole, Anglicize, murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate, enervate, alleviate, spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste, nibble, gratify, take her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence, diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip, flop, fly, don't care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather, mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk, keep on rockin' in the free world, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize, brush, tingle, dribble, drip, dry, knead, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax, ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize and worship, and then go back, and start again. HOW TO SATISFY A MAN: Show up naked with food.

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. The Lord comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter." Said and done, the next time The Lord looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. The Lord got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here"

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It seems as if I did a pretty good job.

A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure. Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it. He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there." The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."

The classics I think 3rd really deserves his clown medal

Bigmeandean chris4874 very nice. do you know that i would commit acts of gross indecency with a camel on public broadcast tv for something like that Chris I thought you already tried that! LMFAO!!! BTW Nick nice unit! How do you think I got mine - LOL oh and thanks Dean for complimenting me on my unit j/k - love you all, in a manly "how about that football game" kind of way

Nice one

Bushape I think you need the Kick Ass Computer Medal. That is one of the best computers I have read about on here. Great price too. I had more than that into one that was 5 years old and so bad in wouldn't even play Black Ops. And I didn't even add nothing to it. You really got a sweet machine there. Well thanks for the Kick Ass Computer medal - woohoo About the price. I went to www.ibuypower.com and built one. You choose the starting model and simply add and subtract options to get the best for the price you can pay. It even recommends certain options when you choose one that needs a specific matching option. I stumbled on it by accident. I was hunting around and I happened to look at costco.com to see if they were still doing better machines online (why I don't know) and they had this Ibuypower machine so I went to the website and there it was. It's definitely worth a look for lazy asses like me who don't have the time or energy to build one

I don't have one but all I have heard has been positive. I think they are past the initial debug issues now. You should get around 300Mb/s on SATA II and the application start up and such will be incredilble compared to the old "platter" style Drive It's definitely the way to go, if you can afford it

Goinbigger Damn, that's not bad at all. I've got close to $2k in my new one and probably not that much more goodies in it and I had to put it all together! Don't forget that there's no monitor. I already had a 27" monitor so I didn't get a new one. That saved me around 250-300 Also no peripherals (gaming mouse, keyboard etc) as I already had those. Every little helps I have to thank my employer for putting me on the road so much recently. They pay us "per diem" and I have been staying in the crappiest, clean motel I can find. Then putting all the extra money away for my "baby" Otherwise there is no way in hell I could have afforded this!!!