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Everything posted by widowmaker
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Have you ever felt like you don't belong anywhere? You want to run but you have no where to go. You want to crawl in a hole and wait for life to be over, but don't have the strength to. I DO.
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A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose 'Carmen'. What's your name?" she asked. He answered, "B.J. Titsengolf."
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The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: "An ambulance just drove by!" "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike!" "Looks like the Sanders are moving!"...
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Cops never think it's as funny as you do. They sent me a picture of me speeding, so I sent a picture of a check... so they sent me a picture of handcuffs.
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Wanna hear a dirty joke, A man fell in mud, Wanna hear a clean joke, the man took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear a naughty joke, Bubbles was the mans neighbor!
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It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?' The woodpecker takes a taste of...
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is thinking "9000 people are having sex right now, 2000 are kissing, 100 are getting head and you are reading my status. Hang in there Sunshine"
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says, "sex is like a gas station - sometimes u get excellent service, sometimes u get very poor service, and sometimes u just have to settle for self-service"
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This is a mind trick. Think of a number. Double that number. Add eight. Minus half that number. Minus the number you started with. Is the answer 4? I bet it is.
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A guy asks a girl "you ever have magic sex?" Girl says "No, how do you do that?" Guy says "we fuck, then you disappear!" Ta Da BITCH!
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2 men old talking about getting old. 1 says "my hands shake so bad I cut myself 3 times shaving". 2nd old man says"Hell, I came 4 times taking a piss"