JohnnyDos

I was working in the garden this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower. I realized that I couldn't find the rake... I yelled up to my wife, “Where is the rake?" She couldn't hear me and she shouted back, "What?" I pointed to my eye, and then I pointed to my knee and made a raking motion. Then my wife wasn't sure and said "What?" I repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake" My wife replied that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her backside, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is no way in hell I could even come close to that one. Exasperated, I went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that? She replies, "Eye - Left Tit - Behind - The Bush!"

Little Johnny! (Bless the little bastard) - The best so far. "Class, today's assignment is to spell and Use the word 'DOUGH' in a sentence." Teacher says "Jane, you go first" Dough, D O U G H.. "Italians make pizza with dough.." Very good, Jane... Now let's hear from Mary. Dough, D O U G H. My brother makes things with play dough." Very good, Mary... "Yes, Johnny, do you have something constructive to add? "My mom says my dad doesn't make enough dough, And he's bloody hopeless in bed, so she uses a dill dough!"

Fucking silly Beers,always has a sense of humour.

Yes Jimp has been here for quite sometime,not like it states.Even if you look at my starting date it says 2009,but I joined here about 3weeks after I bought COD 2 and that came out in 2005. We had another 2 webmaster before, a guy named STORM then we had Phantom who left cause of work,now we have ( he's the best we've had)So now you know how long Rugger has had to put up with us guys.The website crashed or something and they lost a lot of the info of when people became members or joined the actual clan.So anyway I congratulate JIMP on his 6 years here at >XI<.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/180744/

I got it about 2 to 3 weeks ago,SOB told me about it and I picked it up for $5.09.

Never heard the bottom two songs SOB,but I like Grocer Jack.

From the American Association Of Retired People Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them? A: Try a bookstore under fiction. Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done you'll have a place to live. Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60-plus year old husband? A: Tell him you're pregnant. Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles? A: Take off your glasses. Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking? A: Valets don't forget where they park your car. Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem. Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly? A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon. Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses? A: On their foreheads. Q: Leading cause of diminished sex drive among senior citizens ? A: Nudity Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores? A: "Gosh, I remember these!" SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor!

Just how big is Walmart? Read the yellow highlights at the end...OMG, this should really boggle your mind. The joke about the sign on the moon saying 'Wal-Mart is coming soon" could well be true!! Take a look at the yellow highlights 1. At Wal-Mart, Americans spend $36,000,000 every hour of every day. 2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute! 3.. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year. 4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined. 5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer, and most can't speak English. 6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the world. 7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, keep in mind they did this in only 15 years. 8. During this same period, 31 Supermarket chains sought bankruptcy. 9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world. 10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 years ago. 11. This year, 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur At a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 billion.) 12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart. 13. The value of product for Wal-Mart passing through the port of San Diego each year is a larger sum than 93% of ALL countries Gross National Product (GNP).....and that is only ONE port ...one way that’s how Wal-Mart gets it's stuff. 14. Of the 1.6 million employees, only 1.2% make a living above the poverty level. 15. Wal-Mart's head office is located and centralized in Bentonville. Due to this fact, there are more millionaires per square mile there than any place on Earth. 16. The official U.S. Government position is that Wal-Mart's prices are no lower than anyone else's when compared to a typical families weekly purchases. That's the view of the statisticians at the Bureau Of Labor Statistics (BLS) responsible for calculating the Consumer Price Index (CPI). 17. 92% of everything Wal-Mart sells comes from China . Another 4% comes from Chinese owned companies in the U.S. Or in 3rd world countries. 18. Wal-Mart and MOST large companies, take out life insurance on it’s employees, without their knowing. If an employee dies, ALL the insurance moneys go to the companies. Ie. An employee making $18,000 per year, dies, and the company might make as much as $1 million. Most often these moneys, coming from what is commonly referred to as "Dead Peasant Life Insurance Policies", is paid out to executives as bonuses. (a common practice, unknown by the average consumer). 19. Wal-Mart now averages a "profit" (not sales) of $36 billion per year. 20. Let Wal-Mart bail out Wall Street. If not, consider shopping someplace else. If we closed all the Wal-Mart stores would China go bankrupt?????????

Good old band SOB.

BLUE BIRD OF HAPPINESS, MY ARSE! Do I look happy?? It's Friggin' Freezing. There's snow up my arse, all the food's covered with 3 feet of this white shit, and you want ME to sing? Piss Off!! Next year, I'm flyin' to Jamaica and smoking dope!!

I missed the Lucky Strikes and I couldn't remember SPEEDY.Now If I couldn't remember does that mean the same as I forgot?

YOU WISH,I know for sure you're getting up there 7Toes.LOL Hope to see you in Vegas at the fest.

THIS MAY BE HARDER THAN YOU MAY THINK. THE ANSWERS WILL BE ON THE TIP OF YOUR TONGUE, BUT YOU JUST CAN'T QUITE REMEMBER THE CORRECT ANSWER DON'T LOOK BELOW FOR THE ANSWERS UNTIL YOU HAVE TRIED TO FIGURE IT OUT. A TEST FOR 'OLDER' KIDS. I was picky who I sent this to. It had to be those who might actually remember. So have some fun my sharp-witted friends. This is a test for us 'older kids'! The answers are printed below, (after the questions) but don't cheat! answer them first..... ***************** 01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?________________. 02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. In early 1964, we all watched them on The ____ ___________ Show. 03. 'Get your kicks, __ _________ _______.' 04. 'The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed to _____ _ _____.' 05. 'In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ____ ____ ____ ____.' 06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we 'danced' under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the '_____.' 07. Nestle's makes the very best.... _________.' 08. Satchmo was America 's 'Ambassador of Goodwill.' Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was ______ ___________. 09. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? _______. 10. Red Skeleton's hobo character was named ______ ___ ________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, 'Good Night, and '________ ________ ' 11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their ______ _______. 12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ___ & _______. 13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, 'the day the music died.' This was a tribute to _______ ____________. 14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it. It was called __________. 15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ______ _____ . 16. Remember LS/MFT _____ _____/_____ _____ _____? 17. Hey Kids! What time is it? It's _____ ______ _____! 18. Who knows what secrets lie in the hearts of men? Only The _____ Knows! 19. There was a song that came out in the 60's that was "a grave yard smash". It's name was the ______ ______! 20. Alka Seltzer used a "boy with a tablet on his head" as it's Logo/Representative. What was the boy's name? ________ ANSWERS: 01.The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet. 02. The Ed Sullivan Show 03. On Route 66 04.To protect the innocent. 05.The Lion Sleeps Tonight 06. The limbo 07. Chocolate 08. Louis Armstrong 09. The Timex watch 10. Freddy, The Freeloader and 'Good Night and God Bless.' 11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned. Not flags, as some have guessed) 12. Beetle or Bug 13. Buddy Holly 14. Sputnik 15. Hoola-hoop 16. Lucky Strike/Means Fine Tobacco 17. Howdy Doody Time 18. Shadow 19.Monster Mash 20. Speedy Send this to your 'older' friends, (Better known as Seniors.) It will drive them crazy! And keep them busy and let them forget their aches and pains for a few minutes.

Some really good looking maps in there,should be a good game.

Retiree Mental Fitness Evaluation This test is to ascertain your mental state now. If you get one right you are doing OK, if you get none right you better go for counseling. (I'll meet you there.) Giraffe Test There are 4 questions. Don?t miss one. 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down. The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way. Elephant Test 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? Wrong Answer. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions. Lion Test 3. The Lion King is hosting an Animal Conference. All the animals attend ....except one. Which animal does not attend? Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities. Crocodile Test 4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it? Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across it. Have you been lis-ten-ing? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the Retirees they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively proves the theory that most Retirees do not have the brains of a four-year-old. Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends...

There's an old one Mot,

NO SOUND either and I see the same as SOB.I don't use a pipe SOB.I have a Arizer Solo.

Don't know why but I always loved this song:

Who in the fuck even eats hotdogs?Terrible things for you,probably made out of meat that they scrape off the floor.And I know what it is supposed to look like or resemble.Sick puppies.