Dark Asylumn

good thing it wasnt the black ops collection I can imagine him having a tomahawk and some balistic knives, wheres the semitex and crossbow. nice collection

Skeleton In The Closet A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to makeroom for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings itcould not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor. While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found askeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decidedthat they should call the police. When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showedthem the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said, "Thiscould be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important." Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it anymore; they had to know who they had found. They called the police andsaid, "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and wewant to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important." The police said, "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind ofimportant." "Well, who was it?" "The 1956 Blonde National Hide-and-Seek Champion."

my dad use to grab them with a pair of pliers during a thunderstorm. that way when it thundered we jumped and the tooth came out. he did that often with loose teeth

non hardcore I believe

I am going to go to jail when I have kids. bc the first time one of them smart assed disrespectful comments come outta their mouth. I am gonna knock them into next week. If I didnt have more control I would be sitting there now. I have a niece that, hmmmmmm,just cant view adults as authority figures and has to treat them like they are 16yo friends. urghhhhhhhhhhhh. if that were me I would be broken and bruised, oh and not to mention grounded

Selling Vacuum Cleaners A little old woman answered a knock on the door one day, only to beconfronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner."Goodmorning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like todemonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners. "Go away!" said the old woman. "I haven't got any money!" and sheproceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushedit wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." In addition, with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto herhallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horsemanure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." The old woman stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a darnedgood appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."

be sure your battery is unhooked I know that sound so easy you just forget to do it sometimes. your working around impact sensors and if hit hard enough could trigger your airbags. just a reminder

RogueKill HAHA Cheese!! My wife, here, showed her boobs so I could get it!! Thanks for the help guy's. DUDE!!!thats your wife.........NICE lol actually a very nice pic there thank her for me

cspears>XI< - Merry White Christmas Just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! Can you believe it is snowing in Alabama and on Christmas Day of all days! Too bad I cant go play in it Santa brought my oldest daughter a tummy bug with her gifts and I am getting over the flu ;(. Anyways you all have a safe and Merry Christmas! as sick as it will make you. you only get a white christmas in the south once in a blue moon. sic or not you must go play in it. remember as a kid didnt matter how sic you were you were still gonna go play in that elusive snow. let the child out and go make a snow angel. you can worry about being sick later. always remember christmas is the one day a year its ok to let your inner child out to play and imagine. us grown ups worry to much. you owe it to yourself to have fun this one day

Bad Timing A parish priest, Father O'Brien, was being honored at a dinner on the25th anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, waschosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at thedinner, but he was delayed in traffic. Sooo.....Father O'Briend decides to say his own few words while theyawait the politician's arrival...... "You will understand," he said, "the seal of the confessional, cannever be broken. What is confessed in there to me, is never repeatedon the outside. However, I got my first impressions of this parishfrom the first confession I ever heard here. Realize, please, that I can only hint vaguely about this, but when Icame here 25 years ago, I thought I had been assigned to a terribleplace. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he hadstolen a television set and, when stopped by the police, had almostmurdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money fromhis place of business and had an affair with his boss's wife. I wasappalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people at thiscongregation were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fineparish full of understanding and loving people." Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived,apologized for his tardiness and then started in on his speech. "I want to thank you all for letting me say a few words this eveningin honor of Father O'Brien. 25 Years is a long time. In fact, when hearrived here, I had the honor of being the first confession he heardat this congregation." Now that is bad timing.

nice one I loveeeeee it

we play blitz or knock depends who you ask its a card game. we have always seemed to play cards alot

WolfTiS Now that is funny... You even got it in the right part of the forums.. i know how to place a joke in the right section it goes under politics correct

Best Jokes ~ refrigerator It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died." St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

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PT-Bama Come down south.. you only get 2 weeks of winter. You get a month of spring and fall, the rest is sweltering miserable high-humidity hell on earth HOT. yup miserable

Chili I found your mate

ok I got it loaded up and waiting I might be there i am gonna try like hell to be there thanks gus

killroy45xi YESSSSSSSS!!!!! MAL AND I CAN'T FUCKIN WAIT FOR HOT SUMMER SUN!!!!! DONT YALL LIVE IN MN. you have like what 2 weeks of hot weather a year then just pain ole nice for a month or so and then the snow comes again. heres a thought MOVE lol we just moved from WI and I do miss the snow but I dont miss the negative temps