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Mary Kate Danaher, a spry 85-year-old widow, went on a blind date with Sean Thornton, a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter’s house later that night, her daughter thought that her mother seemed rather upset. “What happened?” the daughter asked. “You look as if you are upset after your date.” “I had to slap his face three times!” Mary Kate replied. “You mean he got fresh with you?” the daughter asked. “No, not at all, I thought the old codger was dead!” Sean and Mary are their 70’s; they have been courting and are discussing marriage. Mary says, “I want to keep my house.” Sean replied, “That’s fine with me.” Mary says, “I want to keep my Cadillac.” Sean replies, “That’s also fine with me.” Mary then adds, “I want to have sex 6 days a week.” Sean replies, “Put me down for Wednesday”. Two elderly friends, Dot and Pia, hadn’t seen each other in a while, but met while shopping. Dot inquired, “And how is your husband?” “Oh! Richard died last week.” He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead, right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!” Dot was shocked by the news and said, “Oh dear! I am so very sorry. What did you do?” Pia replied, “I opened a can of peas instead.”

Was asked if I had captured this comet , so I've put up a photo ,

A little boy about 13 years old walked down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a brothel and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam figured why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any venereal diseases?" Of course, the Madam said no. He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the cynical Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed amphibian behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the Dose that I just caught." "When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the dose. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it." "In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the clap ... and HE'S the bastard who stood on my frog!"

its my other hobby, astrophotography, taking photos of the night sky and what lays beyond normal vision, these photos take hours to collect so im often out late at night taking hundreds of images , i then stack them all together using software and these images are what i get

With Christmas round the corner it reminded me of last years works party They played the twist I did the twist They played the bump I did the bump They played Come on Eileen I got tossed out??

I've added a few more images from earlier this year, I'm enjoying this hobby but it keeps you up late

XtremeIdiots would like to wish all members celebrating their birthday today a happy birthday. 007andahalf (61)afroman1970 (55)

Happy Birthday to you both.

HaHaHa you still make me laugh

probably where im going wrong Paul, should be playing star wars or something not COD ,

not sure what an Alien poll is bud, but im imaging 3 i Atlas as soon as the sky clears, might do a timelapse , its a very small target now, but ill see what i get

Maybe you owned a frog ???????

Happy Birthday

maybe im not enough old ,, first time i hear this story lol

great patinence in your work Cdsinuk awesume

Nice one CD they are great pictures. And you are a much better shot with a camera than when you are in game

On a more serious note buddy those pictures are fantastic, get any of 3I/Atlas?? You are just the man to put up my alien poll for me

your welcome Jester.... Santa is watching you.

No, we are good thanks.. it’s enough watching our neighbours to the south slap the hell out each other. lol

you mean 1 shot up nation....the wild west

Equals one fucked up nation! lol..

The omen i was talking about is the movie Civil War , want to say is that movie couldbe an omen, after federal police sent in cities..

I can't find the video where on a news programme the weatherman says to the female newscaster ' Here's the 6 inches I promised you last night' live on air, talking about a snowstorm, boy did she laugh.

Anything for you dear, just cast a spell for 6 inches (Oh hold on, wrong spell)

Looks like Dots in for a good night??