It's all I can stand, and I canst stands no more.
I hereby expunge, invalidate, vacate, quash, repudiate and put the kobosh on the winter of 2013-2014. Henceforth, until the first frost of fall, the temperature in these parts at least may approach, but shall not fall, below 32 degrees. Nor shall there shall be any further accumulation of snow - not a single flake shall insult us.
Robins and other birds hiding out in old barns and other points south are to immediately take wing and complete their spring journeys. We instruct stinging insects to come forth and dogwoods and wysteria to bloom, woodpeckers to drum and owls to hoot, sap to run and leaves to bud, pollen to rain and nightcrawlers to migrate across roads and driveways.
Let tom turkeys strut, trout look up for flies, butterflies sally forth, grass to grow, and nests and hives be built. Big block stores may put flowers on display and shorts and T-shirts are approved attire. The air shall produce that spring smell - equal parts rain and soil, grass and ozone - and kids may take to bicycles and skateboards, ladies to spring cleaning and men to servicing mowers and trimmers.
Let all this - and more - be done, the public welfare requiring it.
I have spoken.