HellKid

Hi mate and congratulations You Lucky Bastardi

Hi Mate Wiradjuri From Down Under

put me down for A BUMP

Wish Union and your Family all the best over the next few weeks Best Wishes from down under HellKid

The squirrel and the grasshopper - REST OF THE WORLD VERSION The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. THE END THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving. The ABC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food. The Australian press informs people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Housing Commission of Australia demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The ABC, interrupting a cultural festival special from St Kilda with breaking news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir singing 'We Shall Overcome'. Bill Shorten rants in an interview with Laurie Oakes that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and increases the charge for squirrels to enter Melbourne city centre. In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders, for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a Housing Commission house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society - in this case the grasshopper. Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Australia as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Australians' apparent love of dogs. The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to make then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards. A 60 Minutes special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the Housing Commission house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'Illness'. The cats seek recompense in the Australian courts for their treatment since arrival in Australia . The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost $10 million and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers. Legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Australia 's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats. The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister. The cats are paid $1 million each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in Australia . The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds. Only in Australia - THE END

Dear Dr. Phil, When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time [/indent] enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing. Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam, the shop owner, who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies. As I said, the wife doesn't care about fishing. She not only refuses to join us, but she always complains that I spend too much time fishing. A few weeks ago, Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested. Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself. What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists? Thanks, Fishing Fool P.S. Enclosed is a picture of Sam with the two bass we caught.

NINE TERMS WOMEN USE (1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. (2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. (3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. (4) Go Ahead: This is a dare not permission. Don't Do It! (5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.) (6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. (7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever'). ( Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU! (9) Don't worry about it=2C I got it: Another dangerous statement meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Quite a serious yet funny read. I really know how this guys feels

Guns N' Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine Slash- Paradise city Made in Stoke

Nickelback - Rockstar Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet with Butterfly Wings Mr. Big - To Be With You

It's All Nice on Ice, Alright - Modest Mouse Meat Loaf - I would do anything for love http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYE-a0gGCnM&feature=related Kiss - Take It Off

Steve Earle - Copperhead Road Mark Knopfler - Brothers in Arms http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XVVZPefbR4 Redgum - I Was Only 19 (1983)

Free - All Right Now Creedence - Have You Ever Seen The Rain jimi Hendrix Experience - Hey Joe ( 1967 ) Livei http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmP8EoQ2XwU&feature=related

Deep Purple - Child in Time | Live 1970 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oovbKFWf9qU&feature=related Deep Purple - Smoke On The Water HD 1974 e http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrDWm4CZHig&feature=related U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdCJRybAtso&feature=related

Dire Straits - Money For Nothing angel is the centrefold http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKcwMQAEDLA&feature=related Sandi Thom - I wish I was a punk rocker http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ypa2BOvQtss

John Mellencamp - Rain On the Scarecrow Janis Joplin - Me and Bobby McG Janis Joplin - To Love Somebody

lmao mate

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsamwOs2slI&feature=related :crazy:

Evian Baby Dance - Black Eyed Peas Pump It

Funny Happy Birthday Mate http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fxQPI-I8M8&feature=related

aussie toilet paper advert

I HATE FRIDAY’S Hurt

Dam BC come Monday AC/DC And as for your new profile pic a big HELL YEAH Dam BC come Monday a

Cheap Plate Chiller No KaptCrunch i think that’s where i f@*!ed up i should not have been a tight ass and splashed out for the therminator And screw the brewer shop he told me it was beer not cider no wonder it tasted like shit even when he told me to take smaller sips it still tasted like shit

i hear that England’s security issues have been taken care of for the up and coming Olympics