JohnnyDos

WHY WE LOVE OUR CHILDREN!! NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!' OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents ..' KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. It was the minister calling, 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now, She's hitting the bottle.' MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?' POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?' POLICE #2 It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do? ELDERLY While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!' DRESS-UP A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.' DEATH While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'(I want this line used at my funeral!) SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!' BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

Don't they call that camping Hammer?Another thing SOB has left the clan.He's just a registered user now,he also does not like those old games RB6 has been going strong now for almost 3 years with new operators(soldiers)every few months along with maps. Ubisoft plans on making this game last for about 10 years.I enjoy playing this game a lot.

Maybe fires in the province,there are supposed to be 500 + fires out there.

Don't play old games Hammer,that's why I've upgraded my machine.Besides I don't really like "Run & Gun style.

SOB is NO MORE,he's left the clan.He's just a registered member.

Then write them yourself.Not much else to read.I put them under one post and didn't spam it like all the happy birthdays.I don't tell everyone that I am sick or ask for prayers,do they work anyways?I've been here forever and I still party and play and visit the website daily and also donate every month since I've been in this clan.So if I can't post I might as well stop visiting.

SCOTTISH WEDDING At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled... "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.” The bartender was almost crushed to death. SEX Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore ..... A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband New Book A man goes into Chaptersbookstoreand asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?” She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet.” "That's the one; I'll take a copy.." Poor Lance Armstrong - I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike! Drive By A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn’t take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick Bastard!! Scam Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes”. Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed. So True Before sex, you help each other get naked.After sex, you only dress yourself. The Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you've been screwed. Pregnant Prostitute Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?” "For god sakes ,if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?” EASYJET Paddy calls EASYJET to book a flight. The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?” Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane. "

Pretty girl WeednFeed,but how much did you pay for the eggs?You tricked her you sneaky grand pa.

Pre - ordered here.A friend has pre - ordered also.You know him Barron.Will be released in September.

"With just one look I was a bad mess, 'cause that long cool woman had it all..." Ain't it the truth? :-)

That's why I did it,you say you want some more well here's some more:

RB6,better than any RUN & GUN Game.

That is the definition for a surprise " a thingy with teeth"

Outside my window is a tree. Outside my window is a tree. There only for me. And it stands in the grey of the city, No time for pity, for the tree or me. There is a world of pain In the falling rain Around me. Is there a reason for today? Is there a reason for today? Do you remember? I can hear all the cries of the city, No time for pity for a growing tree. There is a world of pain In the falling rain Around me. Outside my window is a tree. Outside my window is a tree. There only for me. And it stands in the grey of the city, No time for pity, for the tree or me. There is a world of pain In the falling rain Around me.

My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, afterward reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset----I shall be home before midnight. When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table: My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.