NickTheGrip Posted July 18, 2011 Member ID: 177 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 16 Topic Count: 145 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 1669 Content Per Day: 0.29 Reputation: 281 Achievement Points: 10581 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 27, 2023 Birthday: 05/08/1961 Posted July 18, 2011 Some new ones (maybe posted before, but I am an idiot so who cares!!!) Remember, light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak Remember, if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off Life is not like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of Jalapeno peppers. What you today might burn your ass tomorrow Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm Remember, half the people you know are below average Change is inevitable, except from vending machines Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience I asked God for a new bicycle, but I know he doesn't work like that, so I stole one and asked for forgiveness Sex is not the answer, Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. Going to church does not make you a christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car We live in a society where a pizza can get to your house faster than the police can The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it is still on the list Men have two emotions - horny and hungry. If you see him without a hard-on, make him a sandwich My mother never saw the irony of calling me a "son-of-a-bitch" The evening news is where they start by saying "good evening" then spend an hour telling why it isnt Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity If sex is a pain in the ass you are doing it wrong If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that means 1 person enjoys it A Bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can first prove that you don't need it I thought I wanted a career, but it seems I only wanted paychecks Never, under any circmumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night Whenever I fill out a form and it asks for en emergency contact, I put "Doctor". What's my mother going to do? A computer can beat me at chess but it is no match at kick boxing The sole purpose of a child's middle name is to determine when he/she is in trouble God must love stupid people. He made so many Some people say, if you can't beat them, join them. I say if you can't beat them, beat them, because they will be expecting you to join them and you will have the element of surprise Why do Americans choose from 2 people for president but 50 for Miss America Crowded Elevators smell very different to midgets You don't need a parachute to skydive, you need a parachute to skydive more than once We have enough gun control. What we need is moron control When in doubt, mumble I discovered that I scream the exact same way if I am about to be eaten by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my leg Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole I should have known that it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and I. After all. I am a Libra and she is a complete bitch Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat There is a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away You are never too old to learn something stupid When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember the Fire department usually uses water I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often. With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score Awards
TBB Posted July 27, 2011 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 290 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 21131 Content Per Day: 3.74 Reputation: 22830 Achievement Points: 151637 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 409 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 26 minutes ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: Windows Posted July 27, 2011 Some good ones. Awards
hxtr Posted July 27, 2011 Member ID: 220 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 147 Topic Count: 595 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 16950 Content Per Day: 2.94 Reputation: 13538 Achievement Points: 129714 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 120 Joined: 09/04/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: October 26, 2023 Birthday: 04/05/1970 Posted July 27, 2011 NickTheGrip - Ideas to live by Some new ones (maybe posted before, but I am an idiot so who cares!!!) Remember, light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak I stopped right there.. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Ferret Posted July 27, 2011 Member ID: 859 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 6 Topic Count: 69 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 681 Content Per Day: 0.12 Reputation: 10 Achievement Points: 4117 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/09/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: August 9, 2014 Birthday: 11/04/1968 Posted July 27, 2011 Several nuggets o' wisdom here, I liked: "If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that means 1 person enjoys it"
RD Posted July 27, 2011 Member ID: 2520 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 5 Topic Count: 50 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 627 Content Per Day: 0.12 Reputation: 48 Achievement Points: 3748 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/23/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 16, 2018 Birthday: 08/18/1953 Posted July 27, 2011 good stuff
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