NickTheGrip
Why are there interstates in Hawaii?
To move your boat around
If toast always lands butter side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what happens when you strap a piece of toast to a cat and drop it?
Anti-gravity field
Have you ever heard someone say "That's the best thing since sliced bread"? Well, what was the best thing before sliced bread?
Just regular bread
Why is it called a TV "set" if there's only one?
To make it look big
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Because your feet stink and your nose is trying to cover it with slimes
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
To confuse us idiots
Why is it whether you sit down or sit up, the results are the same?
Just a different pose
Why is it called a "building" when it's already built?
To get people to ponder about
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Because they "ment" to build them apart
How can you "draw a blank"?
Just say it's a painting of a cow in a field which ate all the grass
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllable"?
Well to scare people with hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?
Since they are so tough
Why are stadium seating areas called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Because in the football (the real football not that american type thingie) games people allways stand up on their seat to make a better ambient
Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing?
Since nobody ever has used the term slow up in my prescence
Why is it when two planes almost collide it's called a 'near miss'. Shouldn't it be called a 'near hit'?
It depends if they where planning on hitting eachother or just pass by real close
Why do light switches say on/off? When it's on you can see it's on, when it's off you can't see it to read it.
To help blondes install the lightswitches
Why do 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing?
Just a marketingscam for the gamblers
Ever notice that PRICE and WORTH mean about the same thing, but priceless and worthless are opposites?
Hey you don't need to bitter about everything
And btw do workers at the tea-factory have coffeebreaks?