Hey Y'all,
I'm still battling with this depression, but on top of that I was in the hospital for a few days. They think I have Bradycardia (slow heart beat). For a while it wouldn't get over 40 bpm. I was passing out, once on my lawn where I scraped my knee, a few times in my house. Had a bruise on my forehead after passing out at the pc and bonking my head on the desk...lol.
Personally, I think it was a drug interaction. My psychiatrist was on maternity leave and the guy taking her place changed my meds, but with heart problems running in my family it's best to see the cardiologist. Both my parents, 2 of my brothers and my sister all died due to heart problems. so... I'm gonna have it checked. Honestly, I'm probably healthy but still terrified of going.
Still working at Target. I missed some time, being in the hospital and all, and they said they were cutting my hours as I'm "unreliable". I'm also told nearly every shift "no panic attacks, no crying", as if I have control over the panic. I want another job but the market here is hard.
I've lost another 20ish pounds and they don't know why. I eat anything I want but still lose weight.
It's so hard to go through all this alone, with no love in my life. But I wouldn't want to subject anyone to my mess of a life. I do miss kissing and someone to hold me and feel safe in his arms, but that's something that probably won't happen.
I'll try to make it to Fest this year. Money is always an issue for me, so when it gets closer, if I have enough saved, I'll go. Maybe hitch a ride with someone else and stuff.
anyways, this is why I haven't been around much. I didn't feel like depressing everyone with my problems. I'm starting to play here and there, so say hi if you see me.
Also, if you want my cell to text/call, msg me.
Katharine aka Janey