mickvette Posted December 3, 2011 Member ID: 338 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 12 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 218 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 21 Achievement Points: 1906 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/10/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 17, 2022 Birthday: 03/01/1955 Share Posted December 3, 2011 IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS. My name is Susan! ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget... ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ. ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid. ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS. Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Hickeydog Posted December 3, 2011 Member ID: 783 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 2 Topic Count: 25 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 283 Content Per Day: 0.05 Reputation: 27 Achievement Points: 1698 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/23/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: July 6, 2015 Birthday: 04/10/1990 Share Posted December 3, 2011 And they say you have to be smart to be a lawyer.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USAPLISKEN Posted December 3, 2011 Member ID: 1634 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 26 Topic Count: 210 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 1634 Content Per Day: 0.32 Reputation: 370 Achievement Points: 12427 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/03/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: June 28, 2016 Birthday: 04/19/1949 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Thanks LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Canadian Posted December 3, 2011 Member ID: 822 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 87 Topic Count: 317 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 5477 Content Per Day: 1.03 Reputation: 5025 Achievement Points: 42632 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 20 Joined: 12/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: October 25, 2023 Birthday: 03/01/1967 Device: Windows Share Posted December 3, 2011 Good post lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
billyblade Posted December 3, 2011 Member ID: 34 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 47 Topic Count: 182 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 2097 Content Per Day: 0.39 Reputation: 1003 Achievement Points: 14880 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 09/01/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: April 12, 2018 Birthday: 04/29/1966 Share Posted December 3, 2011 nice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
PigDog Posted December 3, 2011 Member ID: 222 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 88 Topic Count: 331 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 3846 Content Per Day: 0.71 Reputation: 1626 Achievement Points: 25628 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 09/04/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: February 24 Birthday: 02/05/1968 Device: Windows Share Posted December 3, 2011 lmao, those are too funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Syckle Posted December 3, 2011 Member ID: 2694 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 424 Content Per Day: 0.09 Reputation: 322 Achievement Points: 5513 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 07/26/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: May 16 Birthday: 08/11/1965 Device: Windows Share Posted December 3, 2011 awesome!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
Dstraktd Posted December 3, 2011 Member ID: 2794 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 0 Topic Count: 15 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 186 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 0 Achievement Points: 1080 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/06/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: March 19, 2012 Birthday: 11/11/1976 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Hickeydog And they say you have to be smart to be a lawyer.... I think it's more like be smart OR be a lawyer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RD Posted December 4, 2011 Member ID: 2520 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 5 Topic Count: 50 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 627 Content Per Day: 0.13 Reputation: 48 Achievement Points: 3748 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/23/11 Status: Offline Last Seen: January 16, 2018 Birthday: 08/18/1953 Share Posted December 4, 2011 Love these. sadly enough its true in many cases Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter1948 Posted December 4, 2011 Member ID: 1850 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 98 Topic Count: 328 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 8620 Content Per Day: 1.73 Reputation: 4222 Achievement Points: 55994 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 5 Joined: 09/29/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: November 29, 2023 Birthday: 06/19/1948 Device: Windows Share Posted December 4, 2011 Good 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options... Awards
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