Another Vent Post.

[AyeAyeRon]

Im to a breaking point. Im sure none of you really care as i dont expect anyone to but i needed to put this somewhere. But ive come to the conclusion that im slowly giving up on the idea of me being a "nice guy". Day by day im learning that i do nothing but sacrifice everything for other people. Ive always put others ahead of myself and its showing that it gets me nowhere. Ive sacrificed thousands of dollars to have my long distant girlfriend to live here and yet she still insists on pulling in the opposite direction and it simeltaniously makes things alot more difficult. Shes constantly accusing me of cheating when i go out with my friends, but considering ive lost contact with 9/10 of my friends ssince she and i have dated because ive focused mainly on our relationship. I find myself fighting with her more and more every day and its really getting to me. Yet thats not the worst, but every night when i go into work i have a co worker who assumes the supervisor position (we technically dotn have a supervisor) and he has a personal problem with me so every night hes being so ignorant and difficult to the point its counter productive. and he knows it but he does it just to be an asshole. I cant stand it because i dont really have a happy place anymore. I used to confide i nthe voice and comfort of my girlfriend but i feel her getting more and more distant as time goes on. I just cant seem to win. Its pushed me so far that ive actually become violent. And thats not who i am. Im a very laid back, easily happy, passive person but i feel this change inside of me and i dont like it. My stoamch tells me things before they happen and its acting weird but i cant put my finger on it. Will i lose the best girl ive ever had ? or one of the best paying jobs ive ever had ? I just dont understand, yes i know life isnt fair but i find myself trying to balance multiple platforms of my life but as i get one going another pulls even further. I just dont know what to do anymore. Ive lost contact with most if not all of my close friends and its killing me. My cell would get blown up with people trying to hang out, go to the club or party or do something and now ill go days without a single text. I think i need a new sceneary or soemthing because this whole bamboozle is quickly wearing on my mind and its not healthy :/

[BigPapaDean]

Purple you need to step back from all this crap and clear your head by any one of hundred ways. First YOU need to take care of YOU first. Then if you have energy to do for those you love then fine., you are the most important person in your life and will always e. That is NOT being selfish as it sounds. You also need to sit down with a pad and pen and prioritize the different people and things and responsibilities. If you set aside some quite time for you every day even if its only an hour out of every day you will find you will begin to relax and become your self again. You can't be afraid to move on in your life from jobs or relationships either. If you are then you have become a slave to the job or person whatever the case maybe. Its because you are so tight in yourself is why you are getting this feeling in your stomach and also your friends and fellow workers sense this tension in you. Do you have some vacation time coming? If you do do something just for you so you can get back to being PURPLE KUSH the guy we all love and know! Purple I have been in your shoes and it takers being the man you want to be to make these changes for the betterment of your life. If you relax so will most of the people around you!

[AyeAyeRon]

I dont get vacation time or anything. I work in a 3 man crew 6 days a week. Only time i can really call off is if im in the hospital or have a damn good reason. And i have quiet time dean.. thast the problem, i get off work and sit within these walls and think. ANd its not going well. I think too much and in all honesty call me crazy but my mind is uncontrolable. the thoughts i have, or actions i do i cannot physically control. Its part of the depression ive been diagnosed with as a child. I try to get out and breathe fresh air but i cant stand being alone. I hate it, it drives me mad. I was alone my entire childhood/teenage years and i finally found people who accept me for the crazy guy you all know. But i sacrificed all that for her and now im basically left with nothing. I wish i could just make peace with something positive. but things are always pulling in opposite directions

[DramaLlama]

dean is right, take a break, go on vacation.

 

don't stop being the nice guy. it is obviously core to who you are, and if you try to change the type of person you are, the worse off you will be. but do start doing more for yourself.

 

if she can't trust you, be done with her. you can't have a relationship without trust.

 

as for the depression, i totally understand since i've been through it and am still dealing with it. worst thing to do is to sit around and dwell on it, since it accomplishes nothing. you need to start going out with your friends again. that made you happy before, so start doing it again. forget what your gf thinks. this is about you.

[QueenCobra]

i agree with them u need a break and if she dont trust u in the relationship be done. I know u love her but trust is most importment in a relationship. just take a break from things

[Tball]

Dump the broad she is the root.

How can she be the best girl you ever had if she changes who you are?

[widowmaker]

this is good advice given to you. it's up to you if you take it and run or just sit there and do nothing with it. i suffer from multiple depression disorders. i used to do want you are doing about it and all i got was a stay in the hospital.(mind you don't want that. not even funny.) no it's not because i hurt myself physically. it was just to much one day and i snaped and when you make it to that point it don't matter who you were or want to be. it's been 3&half yrs since it all happened to me. yes i do find it a great resorse to vent and lift some pressure off. as dean knows i have vented to him. venting is one thing. doing it with someone who will listen and understand is totally new ball game. it makes a world of diffrence.

 

if you really need to get stuff off your chest i'm here to help if need be. i know it seems selfish but it is all about you first and everything else second. do what makes you happy and to get back to the way you liked yourself.

 

take care of yourself and just relax a little. trust me things will get better in time. (not an over night fix). there is still things i'm having to work on. just remember slow and steady wins the race. things will start just falling in to place. you will see.

 

your friend

widowmaker