Shamu Posted June 30, 2012 Member ID: 715 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 8 Topic Count: 418 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 2178 Content Per Day: 0.38 Reputation: 1183 Achievement Points: 16606 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 11/09/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: October 2, 2023 Birthday: 11/04/1943 Posted June 30, 2012 General Guidelines 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home. Dining Out 1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. 2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs. ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are. PERSONAL HYGIENE 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money. 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. DATING (OUTSIDE THE FAMILY) 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: 'I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.' 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say 'Monday.' If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. 4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, 'Ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat gal.' WEDDINGS 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion. 5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack. DRIVING ETIQUETTE 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife/girlfriend down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. 6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. hxtr and HellKid 2
TBB Posted June 30, 2012 Member ID: 989 Group: *** Clan Members Followers: 25 Topic Count: 290 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 20573 Content Per Day: 3.67 Reputation: 22608 Achievement Points: 148497 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 397 Joined: 01/07/10 Status: Offline Last Seen: 4 hours ago Birthday: 01/27/1946 Device: iPad Posted June 30, 2012 lmao - good ones - thanks Awards
hxtr Posted June 30, 2012 Member ID: 220 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 147 Topic Count: 595 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 16950 Content Per Day: 2.96 Reputation: 13538 Achievement Points: 129714 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 120 Joined: 09/04/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: October 26, 2023 Birthday: 04/05/1970 Posted June 30, 2012 You are mean Shamu. I resemble only 75% of that list! You are exaggerating the other 25%. I dont fish so not needing to bait her hook. Shamu 1
GorillaXI Posted July 1, 2012 Member ID: 62 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 73 Topic Count: 480 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 4124 Content Per Day: 0.72 Reputation: 1413 Achievement Points: 27905 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 10 Joined: 09/02/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: July 4, 2015 Birthday: 06/16/1972 Posted July 1, 2012 You forgot to always carry you side arm on the right. Stupid yankee
Shamu Posted July 1, 2012 Member ID: 715 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 8 Topic Count: 418 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 2178 Content Per Day: 0.38 Reputation: 1183 Achievement Points: 16606 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 1 Joined: 11/09/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: October 2, 2023 Birthday: 11/04/1943 Author Posted July 1, 2012 (edited) You are mean Shamu. I resemble only 75% of that list! You are exaggerating the other 25%. I dont fish so not needing to bait her hook. If you don't fish you should take them noodling..............with them in a T-Shirt. Edited July 1, 2012 by Shamu hxtr 1
TheLastColdBeer Posted July 1, 2012 Member ID: 489 Group: ***- Inactive Clan Members Followers: 52 Topic Count: 553 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 4745 Content Per Day: 0.83 Reputation: 6058 Achievement Points: 42053 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 18 Joined: 09/22/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: December 23, 2024 Birthday: 01/09/1963 Device: Android Posted July 1, 2012 Always carry enough can koozies for passengers. Proper storage is covering the shift lever. Awards
hxtr Posted July 1, 2012 Member ID: 220 Group: **- Inactive Registered Users Followers: 147 Topic Count: 595 Topics Per Day: 0.10 Content Count: 16950 Content Per Day: 2.96 Reputation: 13538 Achievement Points: 129714 Solved Content: 0 Days Won: 120 Joined: 09/04/09 Status: Offline Last Seen: October 26, 2023 Birthday: 04/05/1970 Posted July 1, 2012 You are mean Shamu. I resemble only 75% of that list! You are exaggerating the other 25%. I dont fish so not needing to bait her hook. If you don't fish you should take them noodling..............with them in a T-Shirt. i liked your response before you edited it. lol hahahhaha But I'll bet it's 92.5% Hxtr.
Recommended Posts