What We Do To Boys Before They Grow Into Men

[Janey]

Here's an article I found online (and a link giving credit). I agree that the way we gender-ize children is unnecessary and am happy to see that many little girls have the freedom to play with "boy toys" and move into occupations which have been primarily held by men. I am unhappy with the unequal treatment boys receive at this same stage. Not only are they discouraged from playing with "girl toys" but even emotions other than aggression are ostracized by society. When did showing emotions become a feminine only quality? Emotions are gender neutral and natural to all humans.

 

There's Something Absolutely Wrong With What We Do To Boys Before They Grow Into Men

"Be a man" is something we've all heard at one time or another, even a few of the women reading this right now. Being a "man" in that sense means something completely different to me (and maybe you, too) than what that phrase implies.

I can't even begin to describe the toll that the concept of masculinity has taken on my life. And it's felt everywhere. It's time we make changes, starting from within ourselves.

http://www.upworthy.com/theres-something-absolutely-wrong-with-what-we-do-to-boys-before-they-grow-into-men?c=gt1

 

[LandShark]

It's sad when a child (or anyone) is forced to be someone they are not. I have raised 5 sons (one of which is a clan member and two others play on our servers), and all were (and are) encouraged to be who they are. Each has their own sets of likes and dislikes, and we do not put them down. I, too, have told them to "Be a man" and I think there is a right use of this phrase:

Be a man (or woman) and:
1. Be truthful
2. Show Humility, Kindness and Respect for all life
3. Be willing to work for the things you want - yeah baby- work
4. Take care of your family
5. Refuse to compromise on what you know is right
6. Take Responsibility for your actions
7. Love people, and allow yourself to be loved
8. Refuse to hate.
9. Give back to your country and community
10. Serve God as He would lead you

My son's have been challenged to be men, as are my grandsons. They have examples that lead them in that direction. Do we cry? You bet we do. Do we hug? You bet we do. Some have long hair and some short hair (and some are bald like me ). As a children's teacher and pastor for over 20 years, the confusion comes when our boys (and girls) have no roll models to look up to.

The answer? Parents need to set standards, demonstrate them to their kids, and be positive. Hug them, kiss them and yes, discipline them. Teach them by your actions, not your words. Most importantly, make time everyday to listen to them.

Maybe if the parents take off their masks - the kids will no longer feel the need to wear one.

LandSharkXI

Edited January 9, 2014 by LandShark

[eidolonFIRE]

It's sad when a child (or anyone) is forced to be someone they are not. I have raised 5 sons (one of which is a clan member and two others play on our servers), and all were (and are) encouraged to be who they are. Each has their own sets of likes and dislikes, and we do not put them down. I, too, have told them to "Be a man" and I think there is a right use of this phrase:

 

Be a man (or woman) and:

1. Be truthful

2. Show Humility, Kindness and Respect for all life

3. Be willing to work for the things you want - yeah baby- work

4. Take care of your family

5. Refuse to compromise on what you know is right

6. Take Responsibility for your actions

7. Love people, and allow yourself to be loved

8. Refuse to hate.

9. Give back to your country and community

10. Serve God as He would lead you

 

My son's have been challenged to be men, as are my grandsons. They have examples that lead them in that direction. Do we cry? You bet we do. Do we hug? You bet we do. Some have long hair and some short hair (and some are bald like me ). As a children's teacher and pastor for over 20 years, the confusion comes when our boys (and girls) have no roll models to look up to.

 

The answer? Parents need to set standards, demonstrate them to their kids, and be positive. Hug them, kiss them and yes, discipline them. Teach them by your actions, not your words. Most importantly, make time everyday to listen to them.

 

Maybe if the parents take off their masks - the kids will no longer feel the need to wear one.

 

LandSharkXI

 

Well said LandShark!

 

 

I have a much different idea of what "be a man" means than what's in the video.

 

I'm lucky enough to have a good father who has shown me what "be a man" is...

 

- Respect for authority

- Ambition / HARD WORK

- Bravery / standing up for what is right

- self-discipline

- The ability to make decisions and take responsibility whatever the outcome

- Loving, caring for, and leading your wife.  (wife = woman... not a man, because a man marries a woman)

- Loving, Providing for, and leading your family

- Humbly serving God and seeking to be more like him

 

I don't think it's fair to tack onto manhood stories of psychological bullying or abuse...  "be a man" is not the problem behind that.

Boys are hardened into men when they mature so they can protect and provide for their family.

This is vital to a healthy family structure. When manhood breaks down, the family structure goes with it.

And, once the family structure breaks down society is a mess!

[Flash]

Well I just so happen to be one of LandSharks kids. He has told me my entire life that I need to be a man. Escpecially now as I am preparing to marry my Fiance. I have to be able to protect me and her and our family in the future. I have to stand up in the relationship and "be the man" Yes I have feelings and break downs just like anyone else. And if a man says he doesn't get down or sad, or even cry, he is lying. MEN cry. MEN have emotions. Just men don't normally show it because 1) they'll be called these names. 2) they have to be the strong ones they have to show their families and loved ones that they are strong individuals. The wife and kids are supposed to look for the father for strength and advice.

[Leadfinger]

Thank you Landshark.

Every thought I had you so brilliantly described.

 

Janey,

Good Post 

Society does play a role in the development of our children unfortunately that role has become increasingly negative.

Good parenting is the only good way to teach a child and combat the forces that confuse them. Helping them to understand their feelings and why they feel the way they do as well as allowing them to react to those feelings is a lesson many parents now days aren't teaching.

 

Many of the problems in society stem from bad parenting.

 

So should adults that want to become parents be required to take a test on being a good parent ?

 

Consider that when I went to my local animal shelter to adopt a puppy I was required to fill out a questionnaire about the environment the puppy would live in and reason for wanting to adopt a puppy.

I asked the girl working at the shelter if anyone has ever been denied an adoption because of the answers that were submitted she said " no but it made a lot of people think about what they were doing"

 

I know humans aren't puppy's but shouldn't adults who want to have children take some kind of test to make them think about what they are doing before they take on a role of raising something as priceless as a human being? 

 

(umm maybe a little too much coffee ) 

[Leadfinger]

Hmmm . . . . .  double post         bad me

 

I know what your thinking . . . . .  no I'm not trying to be a post whore . . lol!

 

sometimes when i click on "post" nothing happens so I click it again you end up reading my stupid explanation for why I double posted 

 

Edited January 10, 2014 by Leadfinger

[eidolonFIRE]

Hmmm . . . . .  double post         bad me

 

I know what your thinking . . . . .  no I'm not trying to be a post whore . . lol!

 

sometimes when i click on "post" nothing happens so I click it again you end up reading my stupid explanation for why I double posted 

 

Happens to me constantly....

[Pharticus]

Here's an article I found online (and a link giving credit). I agree that the way we gender-ize children is unnecessary and am happy to see that many little girls have the freedom to play with "boy toys" and move into occupations which have been primarily held by men. I am unhappy with the unequal treatment boys receive at this same stage. Not only are they discouraged from playing with "girl toys" but even emotions other than aggression are ostracized by society. When did showing emotions become a feminine only quality? Emotions are gender neutral and natural to all humans.

 

There's Something Absolutely Wrong With What We Do To Boys Before They Grow Into Men

"Be a man" is something we've all heard at one time or another, even a few of the women reading this right now. Being a "man" in that sense means something completely different to me (and maybe you, too) than what that phrase implies.

I can't even begin to describe the toll that the concept of masculinity has taken on my life. And it's felt everywhere. It's time we make changes, starting from within ourselves.

http://www.upworthy.com/theres-something-absolutely-wrong-with-what-we-do-to-boys-before-they-grow-into-men?c=gt1

 

 

Sorry Janey, but that video is utter bullshit.   When we tell our boys to "be a man," we are primarily saying they need to function in spite of their emotions.  Men have a job to do and it won't be accomplished by boobing and blubbering.  Not to say that there isn't a time to release those emotions, but finishing the job comes first.

 

The demise of our children and families is primarily caused by too few men not willing to "man up."  A man will raise his children and love his wife even when his home life is difficult.  Too many "men" are bugging out on their families when things get hard.   I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts the overwhelming majority of boys in that video don't have a father around at home.

 

I'm constantly teaching my son to take care of his ladies first (Mom and sisters), and he's only 12.

 

Kudos to Landshark and eidolonFIRE for being spot on.

[DEEJAYKEG]

Masculinity per se does not and never has equalled violence.

Femininity per se does not equal sensitivity or decency.

To assert otherwise merely reinforces stereotypes.

(If you doubt this, take a peek inside a women's prison or at the

behaviour of female gang members.)

 

Parenting is the key and I agree with the sentiments above.

Bring a child up inside a loving relationship with a mother and a father

who possess a strong moral code and the little one will be better prepared

for adult life.

 

If children are abused, abandoned and unloved, the seeds of a troubled life

are sown.

 

Responsibility must be taught to children of both sexes.

Respect is earned not given as a gift.

Kindness and love to others has more value than posturing and machismo.

 

Throwing out "old" values accelerates the decline of society.  There were good reasons

to retain them for two thousand years...