GHO5T

I have always worn a mask in the park
 
But not because of Covid  😉

The earliest known picture of Painkiller at the start of his Nug addiction

And they then complain when they cant run around like Jesse Owens and bunny hop. 😁

A Vicar was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.
“Were these dishes ever washed?” he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, “They’re as clean as soap and water could get them.”
He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled to her two dogs “Here Soap! ... Here Water!”

Three women die together in an accident And go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, ‘We only have one rule here in heaven: Don’t step on the ducks!’
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, There are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, And although they try their best to avoid them, The first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, ‘Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!’
The next day, The second woman steps accidentally on a duck And along comes St. Peter, Who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together With the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, Not wanting to be chained For all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months Without stepping on any ducks, But one day St. Peter comes up to her With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, ‘I wonder what I did to deserve being Chained to you for all of eternity?’
The guy says, ‘I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck.’

🤣

Vaseline A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?” She said, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.” “If you don’t mind my asking,” he said, “what do you use it for?” “We use it when we make love,” she said. The researcher was a little taken aback. “Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you use it?” The woman said, “I don’t mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out.”

Piss off sales  person 

 

 



True Sign  of The Times 

This is how it all started  

Oh no.  Has Piglo fallen on hard times 

Ok so this mortician had a habit of cutting the corpses penis off, he did this for many years, he kept them in a jar on the shelf. Anyway, he decided he had enough penis in a couple large jars and he took them to a taxidermist to see what he could make from them. This process took years, but one day the mortician got a call from the taxidermist, he told him to come down and see what he thought. Mortician walks into taxidermist’s office and he hands the mortician a plain simple wallet. Mortician asks, “What’s this, that’s all you got from all those dicks?!?” Taxidermist said “Relax, would ya, when you rub it, it becomes luggage”.

So my son and I were at the hardware store earlier. We were getting a bike tire repair kit, and he noticed a bike compass. Commenting on it, he said “It’s working properly.”
I said, “that’s because it’s not a Tate’s compass.”
He looked at me funny, so I decided to give him a little history lesson.
“Emmanuel Tate was an immigrant from Europe in the late 1800s. After landing at Ellis Island, he traveled all around the Americas (mostly because he could never get his bearings) with a compass he had created himself. After an arduous trek from Mexico to Canada (while looking for Detroit), Tate finally settled down in Kansas, where he founded the Tate Compass Company. Using his self-taught skills, Tate cranked out a series of compasses, none of which ever worked, often sending their users in vastly different directions than they had hoped for. Regardless of this massive inconvenience, the compasses had an almost cult following for a while, until WWI, when Prince Ferdinand’s driver was using a Tate’s to drive the monarch through town. All but forgotten now, the Tate legacy still lives on, as everybody knows that, ‘He Who Has A Tate’s Is Lost’.”

After ten years a wife started to think their child looks kinda strange so she did a DNA test and found out the child is not theirs, she told her husband what she found out, the husband replied, You don’t remember do you?? When we were leaving the hospital, the baby pooped and you told me to go and change him, so I went inside and got a clean one and left the dirty one there! The wife fainted!!!

Some Silver Surfers know, sometimes they have trouble with computers.
Yesterday, I had a problem, so I called Georgie, the 11-year-old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over. Georgie clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, ‘So, what was wrong?’ He replied, ‘It was an ID ten T error.’ I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, ‘An, ID ten T error? What’s that? In case I need to fix it again.’
Georgie grinned... ‘Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before? ‘No,’ I replied.
‘Write it down,’ he said, ‘and I think you’ll figure it out.’
So I wrote down:
ID10T
I used to like Georgie, the little shit head.

Neither have covid in it unlike the flu shots which have the dead virus in it. mRNA supposedly activates your immune system to fight covid, then turns you into a zombie. The other one has a covid protein in it, but not actually the virus... and then well.. turns you into a zombie. 
In any case, you can apply to be a zombie on the cod4 zombie server. 

Turkey? Turkey?? Did somebody say Turkey???

I have terrible thoughts about our ladies
 
The fckrs keep killing me, they are all better players than me, and at my age the only thing I want to stick in them is my knife, like everything else it is blunt? prayers for Rob

I curse and swear
 
This has occurred after joining a group of idiots who's morals are non existent, they revel in debauchery, sins of the flesh, drink, drugs and foul language. I have tried to resist but feel myself being sucked into their world, help me and my trenchcoat to remain clean and pure with no exposure to sin. Oh and
 
FU

@RobMc  in his favorite Halloween costume doing what he does best:
                                                     
 
 

Then you'll look like @RobMc  baby picture

congrats ! wish the best for them.

tell them not to go into any debt our administration is going to hike payroll tax to 50% most Americans will go under..