AyaqGuyaq

Nice one. This young lady got married, and because of finances, had decided to temporarily live in the bottom room of her mother's house. On her wedding night, her new husband took off his shirt, and his torso was covered with hair. Aghast, she ran up the stairs and exclaimed, "Mom, mom, my husband has hair all over his upper body, and it's really thick on his back!!!" Her mother said, "Now, now, dear, he's your husband now, and you have to accept him the way he is." The young lady heads back downstairs. She saw that her husband had, by this time, taken off his trousers. His legs were even more hairy than his torso. The young lady ran back upstairs, crying, and told her mom what she had seen. Her mother said again, "Honey, he's your husband now. You have to accept him just the way he is." The young lady sighs and heads back to her husband. By this time, he had taken off his shoes and socks, revealing one foot that had been severed in half by an accident at the factory. She runs upstairs shrieking, "Mom, mom!!" Her mother approaches her daughter and says, "Okay, sweetheart, what is it now?" "Mom, it's completely awful, my husband has a foot-and-a-half!!!" Her mom raises her eyebrows and exclaims, "You stay here, I'm going downstairs!!!"

I don't mean to come across as "sexist," but I tried changing the roles, and it wouldn't work because it involves cars and car maintenance. I apologize in advance if I hereby offend any ladies, or any men who hope to one day become ladies, with the following, true story (names may have been changed to protect the innocent): On a cold, February day here in Anchorage, Alaska, I was walking on a downtown street to head back to a meeting. There with a guy in the middle of an intersection, looking under his car's hood, trying to re-start his car that had obviously seen much-better days. This lady in a grey Mercedes (trademark) was behind him, honking her horn 'cause she wanted to make the green light. The light turned red, and after a bit, turned green again, after which the lady began honking her horn incessantly and yelling out her window. The man got out from under his hood, walked over to the lady's open window and said, "Ma'am, if you go get my car started, I'll stay back here and honk your horn for you." Ayaq I

That is indeed disgusting. Why chance the bowl, with inherent danger of splatter, when you have a perfectly good wooden floor at your feet? This well-dressed lady was walking in front of an exotic, street-side pet store. The store owner had his parrot, with cage, hanging off a pole outside the store's entrance. As she walked by, the parrot squawked "Awk! You fat, ugly bitch! Awk!" The lady glared at the parrot and walked past. She was walking by the same store the very next day, and as she strolls past the parrot, he squawks again, "Awk! You fat, ugly bitch!!' Awk!!" In a huff, the lady storms into the store and confronts the owner. "My husband is the most powerful lawyer in town! If you don't get your damn parrot to stop insulting me like that, I'll sue you for everything you're worth." The manager nods silently. Twenty-four hours later, the lady approaches the pet store to see if she would: (1) be looking forward to a nice check, and, failing that; (2) at least see if the parrot was indeed reformed so she would get her just-due respect. As she approached the parrot, she couldn't help but smirk and see what would happen. The parrot glances at her, looks away, then squawks, "Awk! You, well, you know! Awk!!"

Little Johnny eventually got older and got married. At his 25th wedding anniversary reception, Little Johnny's adult nephew nudges his uncle in the ribs, smiles, then leans over and whispers, "Uncle Johnny, after 25 years, I'll be you know how to make a woman have explosive orgasms, huh?" Little Johnny looks puzzled and replies, "Woman have orgasms?" Anonymous <-------- (Ayaq Guyaq's alias)

I'll betcha that those two kayakers needed room service to deliver a coupla clean pairs of drawers!!! Heheahaehehhe! Ayaq

That's pretty funny, but I was wondering why the wench waits until "wedding night" for such a confession, hmm? Lol. Makes me think about all the soon-to-be mother-in-laws, watching their soon-to-be-daughter-in-law being walked down the aisle, who lean over to their husbands and whisper, "I wonder why she's wearing white?" Just sayin'. Ayaq

Hey, I happen to like Mr. Hellkid, so "!fu" to all of you--except Dadda, of course--that said "!fu" to Mr. Hellkid!! Lol, you crazy sons-of-a . . . Ayaq

What you can't see in the picture is the officer holding his Glock .45 under the elk's chin, thinking that he's going to call his wife next to get the grill warmed up . . . Ayaq

Happy birthday, Mr. Plague, you son-of-a . . . !!! How're the robotic implants in your nipples doing, you know, the implants that enable you to "point and click" around to control all of the gadgets in your house? You know, those implants have effectively rendered you as the new "Boob-onic Plague." P.S. - What's that emoticon rubbing, anyway? Ayaq

I hope you have (or had) a great birthday, Mr. Kawasaki, with wishes of many more to come. <-------- (Sally cheering you on too, Mr. Kawasaki, lol). Ayaq

Hey, Rattle, welcome to the forums, bud; nice post. Thanks for following me around the maps on COD4 Freeze Tag Server No. 1 so you can defrost me, lol. See you in-game again, Mr. Rattle. Ayaq

Welcome to the awesome community, Captain Kurt. Sgt. Scottie, will you please beam up Kurt while Mr. Sulu engages warp speed? Scottie? Ayaq

Nice post, Kurt. Welcome to the forums, and it's nice gaming wit' ya. Thanks for running around the COD4 Freeze Tag Server No. 1 game with all of my nade shrapnel dribbling down your trousers, lol. Ayaq

Like I sing to you in-game, Surge, 'Like a Surgeon, cuttin' for the very first time . . . like a Surgeon, with your heartbeat, next to your spine . . .' Lol. Wait, you're already a member, never mind. Lol. Cya in game, bud, and congrats again on your (still-shiny) >XI< tags. Ayaq

Welcome to the >XI< forums, Tickle Me Elmo. See you in the servers, eh? Ayaq

Nice intro, Quig. Welcome to the forums and these extremely talented players (IDK, they accepted me anyway), and come to Freeze Tag Server #1 so you can eat some warm, tenderly-cooked shrapnel again . . . and again. Lol. Ayaq

Hi, Trash. Welcome to a great bunch of handsome gentlemen and fair ladies.

Welcome to the >XI< family, Milla from Manila, Godzilla!!! You're joining a great group of guys and gals. Paul

Welcome to the loving (cough, cough!!) group, Colin. You know this officially makes you and (XI) idiot, don't you? We got a great group of people here, and you're going to have a blast. Ayaq

Welcome to the forums, EggSlayer--good playing with you on the COD4 Freeze Tag server. Ayaq

Welcome to the family, Toby--I remember playing with you many times on the COD4 Freeze Tag server. Hope you don't mind eating shrapnel once in a while . . . lol. Ayaq

Hello from Anchorage, Alaska, Smokey--welcome to the forums. Ayaq

Happy belated birthday, Sweet Roxy. Many, many more to come. Ayaq

We appreciate all of your hard work, and I appreciate being "made." Love ya guys, in a good kinda way. Ayaq

Congrats, Lunky. Ayaq Guyaq, aka, "Paul"