Blackbart

Put jalepeno juice in a spayer and spray the items you don't eat such as low hanging tree limbs and leaves. Spray a couple sacrificial strawberry plants and let the deer enjoy the spicy flavours. It keeps rabbits out of my garden and most dogs don't go near it either. And it's bio-degradable!

I'm not sure if I should be laughing at how obsurd the toy is or scared that this is our reality from now on.

I wouldn't wish that much punishment on my worst enemy... :)

LOL...Good 1...BTW Texans are slow...She would have only needed to unzip my fly once to have become real aquainted... :)

TAKE TIME TO READ. It's worth reading it. Trust me
 
 
 
Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?
 
Student : Yes, sir.
 
Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?
 
Student : Absolutely, sir.
 
Professor : Is GOD good ?
 
Student : Sure.
 
Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?
 
Student : Yes.
 
Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
 
(Student was silent.)
 
Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?
 
Student : Yes.
 
Professor: Is satan good ?
 
Student : No.
 
Professor: Where does satan come from ?
 
Student : From … GOD …
 
Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
 
Student : Yes.
 
Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
 
Student : Yes.
 
Professor: So who created evil ?
 
(Student did not answer.)
 
Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
 
Student : Yes, sir.
 
Professor: So, who created them ?
 
(Student had no answer.)
 
Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?
 
Student : No, sir.
 
Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
 
Student : No , sir.
 
Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?
 
Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
 
Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?
 
Student : Yes.
 
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
 
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
 
Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.
 
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
 
Professor: Yes.
 
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
 
Professor: Yes.
 
Student : No, sir. There isn’t.
 
(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)
 
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
 
(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)
 
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
 
Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
 
Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
 
Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?
 
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
 
Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?
 
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
 
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
 
Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
 
Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
 
(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)
 
Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
 
(The class was in uproar.)
 
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?
 
(The class broke out into laughter. )
 
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
 
(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)
 
Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.
 
Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.
 

This made me laugh
 
http://www.youtube.com/embed/U430rpfjIIQ

Yeah Shamu, a barbless hook will make the fight a lot more even. You really have to play em or a quick turn and you will loose them. I love the sport, but only occasionally take one home. In another post I was reading, it talked about releasing your fish... If you have really fought the fish, it is going to be really tired and as we will build adreneline as we fight they build something too and when the fight is over, it acts like a toxin. Hold your hand loosely just in front of the tail and lightly support their body. Slowly push, then pull the fish backward to lightly force water through their gills till they revive enough to start fighting your grip of the tail.. then they will most likely survive. That 40# Chinook I caught, I fought for about and hour, up and down river. When I finally got him in, he was so tired I had to work with him for another 15 minutes till he came out of his duldrum and I let him swim away. Remember to help them if it is at all possible; to maintain or fisheries. An again if possible, remove the hook without touching them if you can, they have a light layer of "scum" on their bodies that protect them from infection and if they loose a little of it, they can pick up something and die... remember our hands are covered with bacteria that is foriegn to them.

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
 
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
 
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
 
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'
 
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
 
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
 
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
 
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Lemon Squeeze
 
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
 
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
 
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'
 
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'
 
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
 
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Looks of Disappointment
 
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're beautiful.' Then he fell asleep again.
 
His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're cute..' The wife was disappointed because instead of 'beautiful,' it was now 'cute.'
 
She asked, 'What happened to beautiful?'
 
The man replied, 'The drugs are wearing off.'
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Catholic Dog
 
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead... Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'
 
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.... But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
 
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
 
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Donation
 
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
 
'It is!'
 
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
 
'I can!'
 
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
 
'I do!'
 
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
 
'He is!'
 
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
 
'He will.'
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Confession
 
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
 
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
 
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
 
Man: 'What sins?'
 
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
 
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
 
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
 
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ..... I'm telling everybody!'
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Brothel Trip
 
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
 
'I'm 90 years old,' he says.
 
'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'
 
'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Senility
 
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile.. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.'
'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
Pest Control
 
A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company.. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
 
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
 
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet..
 
'Who are you?' he asked him..
 
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
 
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked..
 
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.
 
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.
 
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!'..

Can't vouch for authenticity
 
http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/11239/the-15-funniest-autocorrects-from-july-2011/
 
http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com/8302/happy-mothers-day-top-10-mom-related-autocorrect-fails/
 
 
Sorry if ya seen em before ... just made me laugh

Texas, Louisiana, and Oklahoma are all just suburbs of Arkansas... :)

Texas, Louisiana, and Oklahoma are all just suburbs of Arkansas... :)

 
 
 

 
 
 

 
 
 
I was in the pub on Saturday night. I noticed two large girls by the bar.
 
 
 
 
They both had strong accents so I said "Hi, are you two girls from Scotland ?"
 
 
 
 
One of them chirped, "It's WALES, you fu*king idiot !!!"
 
 
 
 
So I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?
 
 
That's the last thing I remember!

Since Pete has all his ho's out making him money Spanky has eagerly volunteered his mangina to service Joe and Laslo at their convenience... :)

To remove viri from Macs, take a gallon of gas and a match...................

no inside pics yet, it's a real pain to plug the side panel fan back in with the V6gt cpu fan on there. May get some inside ones later. for now this is what the outside and my gaming area look like. the one on the left is the new one, and the right side is the one it replaced.


 
Yes everything is a mess right now, but I haven't taken the time to sort everything since the swap, I still got the one my old gaming rig replaced setting behind me beside my guitars, and crap, so I can't back up anymore for a one shot pic.
I use the right side pc for TV tuner card mainly, and right now it still has everything on it that I may need before I get around to installing it on my new one.

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home,
cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
 
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you
laugh.
 
3. It's important to have a woman whom you can trust,
and doesn't lie to you.
 
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed,
and likes to be with you.
 
5. It's very, very important that these four women
do not know each other.

Happy B-Day...I hope you have a good one... :)

Manure Spreader for Sale:
Fifty-year old manure spreader. Not sure of brand. Said to have been produced in Kenya. Used for a few years in Indonesia before being smuggled into the US via Hawaii. Of questionable pedigree. Does not appear to have ever been worked hard. Apparently it was pampered by various owners over the years. It doesn't work very often, but when it does it can really sling the manure for amazing distances. I am hoping to retire the manure spreader next November.
 
I really don't want it hanging around getting in the way. I would prefer a foreign buyer to relocate the manure spreader out of the country. I would be willing to trade it for a nicely framed copy of the United States Constitution.
 
Location: Currently being stored in a big white house in Washington , D.C.

Ya, this pic was taken right after that. Fuckin lightweight. lol
 
 
 

OK this issue of permissions denied when viewing images uploaded to the site has now been fixed across all forums

post some pics when your up and running... :)

Up and running, still gettting everything istalled and all game patches and such. hopefully I can just play tomorrow night and enjot this new beast.

Logitech G-35... :)

I just shake my head. I was brought up to a higher standard I guess. I know some of our older "Idiots" agree. Our beautiful country is going down the crapper. Damn, I just had JFK's saying go through my head. "Don't ask what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."
 
I know, I know, I'm going to sound like a bigot here, but these are the same people that complain about the military, and never served a minute in there lives.
 
I'll stop now before I get in trouble.

I grew up fly fishing in southern Ohio for bass and panfish. Then I moved to California over 30 years ago and tried my hand at fly fishing for trout and steelhead, but I'm not much on eating either of them. Got into saltwater fishing then figured out ways to ocean fly fish and it's a blast, especially when you get a big lunker on a 10 foot rod. I once caught a 28 pound striped bass, 22 pound salmon and numerous big rock cod fly fishing in the ocean.