JohnnyDos

Senior Love***** I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth. I tried this a few more times with no success. All the while, my wife Karen is watching from the kitchen window, Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yelled to me, "You need a piece of tail." I turned with a confused look on my face and yelled back, "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite." Have a wonderful day!

Me either!

Haven't received any yet SOB.

Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies. The undertaker tells the American diplomats accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100.' The American diplomats go into a corner to discuss for a few minutes. They return with their answer to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald Trump shipped home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100? The American diplomats reply, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take the risk.'

From our News in Canada: With the recent price increase for EpiPens, more Americans are crossing the border to buy the life saving device. Mylan, the company that sells EpiPens in the U.S. has hiked up its prices by almost 500 per cent over the past nine years. Nova Care Pharmacist Peter Dumo this is not the first time Americans have crossed the boarder for medication, nor will it be the last. He says U.S. companies have no real price regulations. "It is a common trend in the U.S. for companies to arbitrarily increase their prices by 50-100 per cent in a given year, sometimes 1000 per cent with no real logistical issue in terms of cost of manufacturing, says Dumo." He says unlike the United States, Canadian drug companies are tightly regulated. "We have price controls in Canada, all medications that are approved for use in Canada have to go to the Patent Medicine Review Board," says Dumo. "They negotiate with the company what the set price is and how much the price can increase per year. I believe that it is a standard three per cent that a price can increase per year." Buying an EpiPen in Canada does not require a prescription. A pack of two EpiPens in the U.S. now costs $600 USD compared to $136 CDN for a single EpiPen in Windsor.

If the moon wasn't shining through one of the eyeballs making it look like a pupil,they could be the nostrils of God.LOL

Dear Abby My husband hasn't worked for the last 14 years. All he does is get dressed in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies . I know he`s cheated on me many times with younger women and some girls who could be his granddaughters. He smokes fancy cigars and drinks the most expensive wine and booze day and night. We sleep in separate beds because he`s always telling me he knows I`m a lesbian and my varicose veins and big bottom turn him off! Should I clobber him with my frying pan, or should I leave him, Abby? Your advice would be appreciated ..... Mad as Hell Dear Mad as Hell You don`t have to take that kind of treatment from any man. I suggest you pack your bags and move out a.s.a.p. Don`t resort to clobbering him with the frying pan, and try to act like a lady! Remember ......you`re running for President of the United States, so try acting like it!

I never really liked the terminology "Old Person" but this makes me feel better about it. And if you ain't one, I bet ya you know one! I got this from an "Old Personal friend of mine"! OLD PERSON PRIDE I'm passing this on as I did not want to be the only old person receiving it. Actually, it's not a bad thing to be called, as you will see. Old People are easy to spot at sporting events; during the playing of the National Anthem, Old People remove their caps and stand at attention and sing without embarrassment. They know the words and believe in them. Old People remember World War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal , Normandy , and Hitler. They remember the Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing. They remember the 50 plus Peacekeeping Missions from 1945 to 2005, not to mention Vietnam .. If you bump into an Old Person on the sidewalk he/she will apologize. If you pass an Old Person on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old People trust strangers and are courtly to women. Old People hold the door for the next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside for protection. Old People get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children and they don't like any filth or dirty language on TV or in movies. Old People have moral courage and personal integrity. They seldom brag unless it's about their children or grandchildren. It's the Old People who know our great country is protected, not by politicians, but by the young men and women in the military serving their country. This country needs Old People with their work ethic, sense of responsibility, pride in their country and decent values. We need them now more than ever. Thank God for Old People Pass this on to all of the "Old People" you know. I was taught to respect my elders. It's just getting harder to find them.

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother 2. He liked Gospel 3. He didn't get a fair trial But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus wasJewish: 1. He went into His Father's business 2. He lived at home until he was 33 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure He was God But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands 2. He had wine with His meals 3. He used olive oil But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: 1. He never cut His hair 2. He walked around barefoot all the time 3. He started a new religion But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian: 1. He was at peace with nature 2. He ate a lot of fish 3. He talked about the Great Spirit But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: 1. He never got married.. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. He loved green pastures. But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a WOMAN: 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food. 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. 3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do. Can I get an AMEN?!!

Baron Munchausen

STORM CROW,you said your favorite band you follow is called Monster Truck,well I must say you are down to the size of a pick up truck now.Good for you.

Hope this puts a smile on your day...... THIS IS WHAT A SENSE OF HUMOUR LOOKS LIKE THIS IS WHAT SAD LOOKS LIKE THIS IS WHAT SORRY LOOKS LIKE THIS IS WHAT BAD SPELLING LOOKS LIKE BAD JUDGMENT I'D RATHER HOLD IT PILE UP LOOKS LIKE THIS WILL MAKE YOU SMILE! HOW WAS YOUR CEREAL THIS MORNING? HOW TO HANDLE A PROBLEM NEIGHBOR Good Reason to Wear Pyjamas to Bed!!! Tattoo Of The Year It Doesn't matter how Many people you send This to, just remember If it made you smile, Your friends will smile Too...

Thanks for the CD key Barron.I liked what I saw and I will get that game on Thursday.

I see why not,Laszlo,you see I am Italian and they don't bug or offend me,like us Canadians we say "eh" when asked a question instead of say what or what did you say,or sometimes we say "you know what I mean eh".

I think they just walk around the streets in BC,just like the sacred cows in India.