JohnnyDos

No moose where I live,Tigris.

Let's Offend Everybody! Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem? A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat. Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A. To a different bar. Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby? A. SUM TING WONG. Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A. A speech impediment. Q. Why do Drivers Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. Q. What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo? A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe. Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year- old lady to say the 'F' word? A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!' Q. What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale? A. A northern fairytale begins, ....'Once upon a time...' A southern fairytale begins,... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit…' Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States. *** Oh, be quiet....just pass it on !!!!!

Hey Hxtr,I did ACID in the late 60's,is that the same kind you are preaching?You know Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. Groovy man.Far out.

Definition of "OLD" #1 I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair. She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?" And that, my friend, is the sad definition of "OLD"! #2 Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied: "Two years older than me" "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?" #3 Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." #4 I've sure gotten old! I have outlived my feet and my teeth I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. #5 I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. #6 An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week" #7 My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. #8 Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. #9 It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker. #10 These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.' #11 THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now, I think you're supposed to share this with a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

I'll be checking Ben Hur out,release date for cinemas August ,not March like they show.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEFUvW8GroM

Well Hxtr,no wonder you were embarrassed,look at all the hose they have to offer her?

Hey, you know "EYE" can't see.LOL

And a "FAG" was a cigarette.

You know ... time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams. But, here it is... the back nine of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go? I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that I was only on the first hole and the back nine was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like. But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting grey...they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change....Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd become. Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit! And so...now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though I'm on the back nine, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over on this earth...it's over. A new adventure will begin! Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime. So, if you're not on the back nine yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether you're on the back nine or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life....so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!! "Life" is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one. LIVE IT WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY ! HAVE A GREAT DAY Remember "It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver. LASTLY, CONSIDER THIS: Your kids are becoming you......but your grandchildren are perfect! Going out is good.. Coming home is better! You forget names.... But it's OK because some people forgot they even knew you!!! You realize you're never going to be really good at anything like golf. The things you used to care to do, you aren't as interested in anymore, but you really don't care that you aren't as interested. You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV 'ON' than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep". You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch.. You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"..."when?"... ??? You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!! What used to be freckles are now liver spots. ~Everybody whispers. You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear. ~~~But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!! Stay well, "OLD FRIEND!" Send this on to other "Old Friends!" and let them laugh in AGREEMENT!!! It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived. TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN; YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS

· Glass takes one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times! · Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years. · Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end. · If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off. · Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals. · Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers. · The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year. · Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent. · Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450F. · The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear. · Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean. · The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man. · Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density. · The University of Alaska spans four time zones. · The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself. · In ancient Greece , tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted. · Warner Communications paid 28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday. · Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. · A comet's tail always point away from the sun. · The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent. · Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines. · The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity. · If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day. · When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight. · In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed. · Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside. · Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams. · The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year. · The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust. · Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters. · Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy. · Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down. · Everything weighs one percent less at the equator. · For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off. · The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements. · And last but not least: · This is called 'Money Bags.' So send this on to 5 people and money will arrive in 5 days. Based on Chinese Feng Shui, the one who does not pass this on will have money troubles for the rest of the year. Superstitious or not, I passed this along because it is interesting information.

Sorry Frenchi.

This morning Ldoz told me he didn't get a chance to see her,but he mentioned one other time way back when he found another one but this time there were some snap shots with it.

What did the women look like?

Pretty good cuts on there Mot,sound good and are tight.I listened to all of the tunes. :thumbup:

The best never rest:

Hxtr,come on be nice.

I hope the baby looks like her mamna,congrats Dark and Lady Asylumn.

Well they did my old country in,but it don't matter cause my wife is half Irish and half Scotch: Congratulations,we play Spain next.