RobMc

Ayaq I think I have it cracked!

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Ayaq my boy, presume you are resting and recuperating after your last gruelling adventure ? your body still wracked with pain after that fish hold fall ( you weren't drunk were you?), get well soon my friend.

Now as you, and our other readers know following my motorcycle accident and now officially a cripple ( I love political incorrectness), or for the liberals physically disadvantaged, (phew covered all angles), I act out my adventure fantasies with your help. I have other fantasies too, and have put these to some of our ladies, however the police have now convinced me that I may not pursue these any further, shame?

You realise I'm now an active participant in our new book (note 'our'), and constantly looking for material for it, we need to convince the readers of the hardships and bravery of you guys in the upper 49th. So far we have a rugged and intrepid hero (you), guns, bears and a romantic interest in your moose with the blond wig, the basic ingredients ( Timmah will be getting excited at ingredients) of the story, but we need more material.

Then this morning watching flying wild I came across the perfect location Barrow (bet you live there?), what a hellhole, perfect for you to base yourself, more bears than people and the locals live off your aphrodisiac - blubber. We could get you to harpoon whales from a rubber dinghy dressed only in a loincloth ( this will keep the ladies drooling over you) then wrestle it in the water until it succumbs ( no, no not sexually, don't get too excited). We could even get AngelZ and Timmah to give us some delicious blubber recipes that could be served at the XI fests, how about smoking some blubber, better than what our members generally smoke methinks? After that picture of Storm pleasuring Angu5 after bourbon think what will happen after consuming blubber? We could be in for a lot of new members  around 9 months after the fests, although I dread to think what names they would be called, or what they'd look like, would two heads be an advantage in gaming?

You are quiet again, that can only mean you are working on the next chapters, I'm excited , in fact so excited I'll need to change the bedclothes, how you doing buddy?

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Blubber soup, pan fried blubber, deep fried blubber, blubber sushi, blubber steak, blubber stew, blubber pancakes, blubber scones, blubber pizza, blubber slicks & eggs,  blubber patties, blubber dogs, breaded blubber, blubber nuggets, blubber blubber blubber, the list can go for days LOL

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Angelz I'm lying watching an episode of alaskan state troopers and it seems that in the arctic they have an alcohol problem, cause of 90% of all crime. This helps me in understanding Ayaq's ramblings at times but it gave me a great idea, blubber in vodka? Do you think you could come up with a recipe?, with the combination of alcohol and blubber we could help those statistics get to 100%, think how grateful people would be?

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Ayaq my boy, I feared you had succumbed to the hardships of your adventurous life as you had not replied to this post. However my mind is now at rest after seeing you get a dig in at your arch enemy (and my friend) SOB, it is sad that us bullshitters battle for prominence amongst our fellow idiots, but I sense the day is coming when we need to stop bickering and unite.

There will always be threats from rival clans, their envy and jealousy will surface eventually causing us to fight for our position in the gaming world.

It came to me last night (only thoughts come nowadays sadly), that we may be forced to field our finest regiments against the oncoming hordes. Who would that be? who would be the top twenty we would pitch headfirst at our foes from all COD genres. The realisation dawned that a high proportion of these would be our ladies who one for one punch far above their weight. They appear to be more intelligent with tactics, better shots and very quick.

So as an experiment this week I have purchased a nice little summer frock from the web which I shall wear when playing this month to see if I improve. I will tell the neighbours it,s a kilt which will cause no problems as I live on the Scottish border, the make up may be more difficult to explain.

I will practice my squealing every day, drive erratically and drop any logical thoughts that enter my mind, keep an eye on my scores fellow players they will improve for certain.

The road to success beckons (on high heels?)

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LMFAO, Run D.M.C., aka @RobMc.

We just came in from fishing 'cause the Captain's uncle died of a massive stroke.

And yes, dear sir, I always remain sober while commercially-fishing:  it's dangerous enough without trying to do it while drinking.

Naw, @Sonovabich>XI< isn't my arch-enemy; he's just annoying at times and ignorant of world history.

And yes, Sweet Rob, I'm sober as a judge whilst my fingers do the talking.

Caribou-hunting season is open right now, and the Captain wants to take me up the river in his fishing boat to see me make my 600-yard kill shots (with my Remington .30.06)--the ones I've been bragging about all summer.

Lol.

My cousin is arriving on this morning's tide.  I'm going to pick him up so we can discuss our plans to hunt for gold in his "hot spot."

It'll provide fodder for my sequel:  "Gold Mining with Sasquatch, Vol. II," by AyaqGuyaq>XI<.

Love ya, man--in a "non-gay" kinda way, of course.

Ayaq

 

Edited by AyaqGuyaq

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My boy, just glad to see you're alive and well, I do worry, and if I could, I'd get on my knees and pray for your brave soul every night!

The non gay kinda way is a bit askew at the moment on account of me wearing a dress when playing (red to match my eyes) to try to catch up in skills to our ladies, I think it's working as I put petrol in my diesel car this morning whilst dreaming of cup cakes (getting there girls).

Theres always a good side to everything, have you considered using your Captains uncle for pot bait?

Caribou eh?  I've seen them on life below zero shooting them as they cross the river, ah the sporting instincts never leave you Alaskans do they?, I think you could hit a mouse at 600 yards, you're just being modest. Now don't get onto vol II before releasing vol I, I know we're idiots but even we might notice that one.

 

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Ayaq great news buddy, just learnt theres a new series of life below zero coming out, had to change the bedclothes again, excitement no good at my age. Then I learnt theres a new addition to the cast, say that it's you my friend? us idiots deserve more publicity. It does mention he has 5 children (you kept that quiet?) but understandable knowing the long arctic nights.

Can't wait to see your image for real, I picture a steely jaw with two days growth, lean muscular frame and piercing eyes, please don't disappoint and look like the rest of us. Tell us some spoilers now, what animals do you massacre this series? Love you buddy, in a non gay way.

Talking about that my experiment on catching up with our ladies skills by wearing a frock is not going well. Perhaps you have to get worse before you get better?, in which case theres hope.As you know I wore it whilst gaming, but there was a little hiccup yesterday when I went on my mobility scooter to the shops, forgetting I had it on. Let me tell you there are some strange people where I live, I had two offers of 'a good time' and a propsal for marriage. Two from weird men and one from a large female? in jeans with a rottweiler, I'd rather have been bitten by the dog. However I must say that the children that mugged me were most polite and left me some bus fare home, I live in a nice area.

An unexpected result of this frock has been a desire to bathe regularly, do my nails, comb my beard and talk nonsense incessantly. So today I'll go back to normal as it seems I'll never be a great player like my heroes, already started scratching my bum, will leave sniffing the finger for a week or so.

You ain't been fishing you've been filming, haven't you?

 

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On ‎8‎/‎4‎/‎2018 at 10:21 PM, RobMc said:

Ayaq great news buddy, just learnt theres a new series of life below zero coming out, had to change the bedclothes again, excitement no good at my age. Then I learnt theres a new addition to the cast, say that it's you my friend? us idiots deserve more publicity. It does mention he has 5 children (you kept that quiet?) but understandable knowing the long arctic nights.

Can't wait to see your image for real, I picture a steely jaw with two days growth, lean muscular frame and piercing eyes, please don't disappoint and look like the rest of us. Tell us some spoilers now, what animals do you massacre this series? Love you buddy, in a non gay way.

Talking about that my experiment on catching up with our ladies skills by wearing a frock is not going well. Perhaps you have to get worse before you get better?, in which case theres hope.As you know I wore it whilst gaming, but there was a little hiccup yesterday when I went on my mobility scooter to the shops, forgetting I had it on. Let me tell you there are some strange people where I live, I had two offers of 'a good time' and a propsal for marriage. Two from weird men and one from a large female? in jeans with a rottweiler, I'd rather have been bitten by the dog. However I must say that the children that mugged me were most polite and left me some bus fare home, I live in a nice area.

An unexpected result of this frock has been a desire to bathe regularly, do my nails, comb my beard and talk nonsense incessantly. So today I'll go back to normal as it seems I'll never be a great player like my heroes, already started scratching my bum, will leave sniffing the finger for a week or so.

You ain't been fishing you've been filming, haven't you?

 

You frickin' kill me, man!!!

We need a better emoji for laughing-ones-arse off!

We just buried my Captain's uncle today; I'm glad I went (in full suit and tie, of course, payin' respects--he was a cool guy (Lorrie), and he was like an uncle to me, too.

I've spent the past 5 days stayin' drunk and stayin' stoned.

At my cousin's house--you know, the guy that "cracked" me first, but I had the better crack?

Wait, that didn't sound right--I had the better crack?

Lol.

Lorrie served in the Vietnam conflict (notice I didn't say "war?"), so he was buried with full military honors.  When they draped his coffin with our U.S. flag and played "Taps," I shed some more tears.

I always cry when I hear "Taps," in deference to those that served our country.

I'm going back out fishing.  My Captain's not done; I told him I'd be his crew until the frickin' ice flows.

He's my buddy, and catch fish or not, we always have fun.  We laugh even when we don't catch fish.  I should be crying instead, however, because catching no salmon means no greenbacks in Ayaq's wallet.

Lol.  Again.

You killing me, Holmes!!!

Ayaq

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5 hours ago, AyaqGuyaq said:

You frickin' kill me, man!!!

We need a better emoji for laughing-ones-arse off!

We just buried my Captain's uncle today; I'm glad I went (in full suit and tie, of course, payin' respects--he was a cool guy (Lorrie), and he was like an uncle to me, too.

I've spent the past 5 days stayin' drunk and stayin' stoned.

At my cousin's house--you know, the guy that "cracked" me first, but I had the better crack?

Wait, that didn't sound right--I had the better crack?

Lol.

Lorrie served in the Vietnam conflict (notice I didn't say "war?"), so he was buried with full military honors.  When they draped his coffin with our U.S. flag and played "Taps," I shed some more tears.

I always cry when I hear "Taps," in deference to those that served our country.

I'm going back out fishing.  My Captain's not done; I told him I'd be his crew until the frickin' ice flows.

He's my buddy, and catch fish or not, we always have fun.  We laugh even when we don't catch fish.  I should be crying instead, however, because catching no salmon means no greenbacks in Ayaq's wallet.

Lol.  Again.

You killing me, Holmes!!!

Ayaq

My brave hero, you don't know how good it is to hear the sound of your voice again ( in a manly non gay kind of way) I'll bet it is like gravel, ravaged by extremes of climate. A kind of Alaskan 2 Many Beers ( in his case fags) kind of voice.

Anyway I don't wish to be 'picky' but how the f... did they bury your Captains uncle? I faithfully watch every programme, and in 'building Alaska' theres always trouble digging foundations due to the ground being frozen solid. Surely with all the gas, oil and timber burning them would be more practical? if no ones thought of this yet drop the fishing and build a crematorium quickly. A pity he wasn't recycled as crab bait, but wrong season I guess.

I bet you hated wearing a suit, I do, not clothes for the adventurer, furs are more your style, beaver is my favourite, although it is a while since I've felt one, mores the pity.

What's all this about crack? is it thawing? this is the biggest problem on 'ice road truckers' too, they mentioned last episode that the lovely Lisa had encountered a large crack? quite understandable in my opinion after spending all those nights stranded with fellow drivers, , a little extra income never hurts.

I'm sad that you are returning to the gale lashed ocean once more, we won't be hearing from you for a while my friend, but in your honour I'll open a tin of salmon for lunch, the smell at least revives old memories - stay safe brave boy.

Edited by RobMc

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