Let Rob start your day with a smile

[RobMc]

A man went into a Birmingham supermarket and tried to buy half a cauliflower. The very young greens-produce assistant told him that they sold only whole cauliflowers. The man persisted, and asked to see the manager, and the boy went to find him.


Walking into the stock room, the boy said to his manager, "Some w****r out there wants to buy half a cauliflower." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the customer standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."





The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people here who think on their feet. Where are you from, son?"





"Cardiff, sir," the boy replied.





"Why did you leave Cardiff ?" the manager asked.





The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing there but prostitutes and rugby players."





"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Cardiff ."





"You're kidding?" replied the boy. "What position did she play?"

[KaptCrunch]

 A man walks into a barber shop and looks at the barber. He says, “How long until I can get a hair cut?”

The barber looks around his shop and then says, “Three hours.” The man says okay, and then leaves.

Three hours go by and he doesn’t come back.

A few days later the man is back at the barber shop. He asks, “How long until I can get a hair cut?”

The barber looks around and says, “About two and a half hours.” The man nods and then leaves and he doesn’t come back.

The man does this for a while.
One day he comes in again and asks, “How long until I can get a haircut?” The barber, a bit hesitant, says “About an hour, you can chill here if you want.” The man shakes his head and says, “It’s okay. I’ll be back,” and he leaves.

The barber looks at one of his friends and says, “Follow that guy. I wanna know what he’s doing.” The friend nods and follows the stranger. When the friend gets back he’s laughing. The barber says, “Where did he go?” The friend says, “To your house.”

[KaptCrunch]

A newlywed couple meets with the pastor of a church they're interested in joining. After talking with him for a while, the pastor says, "I would love to have you two as members of my church, but there is something I must ask of you before you can join. You have to abstain from sex for two weeks." The couple agrees to these terms, and two weeks later they are meeting with the pastor again. "So how did it go?" he asks them. "Well, we almost made it the full two weeks," the husband answers.

"But yesterday she bent down to pick up a package of frozen vegetables and I was overcome with desire. I just couldn't help myself." The pastor pauses for a moment, then says, "Well I'm sorry, but you are not welcome in my church." 

"I understand," says the husband. "We're not welcome in Safeway grocery store anymore either."